I'm "That Guy".

I don't even know where to start, but i guess the best place to start is to say i have Asperger's syndrome, and for those of you who don't know what it is, to put it really simply, i'm entirely socially inept.
Not once in my entire life have i ever made a friend.
Other people have made friends with me, but not once have i ever been the one to actually go up to someone and start a friendship.

I'm the guy at school that doesn't really talk to many people, i spend almost all of my time studying physics, or writing down random crackpot cosmological theories, i sit at the empty lunch table, or the one with the fewest people, every day, when i'm not obsessing over physics, or drawing up random mathematic equations for me to solve, i'm usually doing something like playing chess against myself, or just sitting quietly, alone, while everybody around me is conversing with eachother, or outside playing basket ball, or something else to that tune.

My family pokes fun at me alot, because i'm so anti social, and so obsessed with physics, say things like i'm doomed to become a "socially reclusive mad scientist on an island somewhere", and while i know for the most part their just kidding, most jokes about someone's character seem to stem from an exagerrated observation, which means they can also see how anti social i am, and i'm genuinely worried because it seems everyone has at some point had a girlfriend, and i haven't even had very many friends in general, and for every friend i have, theres 5 people that don't like me because i'm told i often come off as "rude, or insensetive".

Thats not all i have going against me, i'm not exactly george clooney, either.
I'm a little over-weight because i spend phy-ed either studying physics, or writing down more crackpot cosmological theories.
I'm not too overweight though, nothing i can't drop by the start of college if i dieted soon.
and even if i was thinner, i wouldn't be "a total hunk" but i don't think i'd be ugly, just average, very very average looking, nothing really special.

If by some crazy chance i even did meet a girl, and i some how mustered up the courage to talk to her, i don't even have a car, or very much money.
What am i supposed to do? say "Will you go out with me? Oh, i don't have a car, and i don't really have money, so the options availible to us include a nice walk in the middle of a minnesota winter with 3 feet of snow."?

I want to meet someone, i don't want to end up alone, and i don't even know where to start, none of the few friends i have are girls, and it just seems like i would come off as awkward and creepy if i randomly walked up to a cute girl and asked her if she wanted to hang out so we could get to know eachother a little better, especially if i don't even know if she has a boyfriend.

 

Okay, your "shortcomings" don't seem like shortcomings at all. The only unattractive thing about you, I'd think, is that you have zero self esteem.

It doesn't matter if you're not superhot, doesn't matter if you don't have a car, doesn't matter if you think you're chubby. Most girls, those worth knowing, don't give a shit.

In fact, most people could care less if you're even that interesting at first...just be a good listener. People like you if they think you like them. Let people know that you think they're interesting or funny, even if you think they're pretty.

A lot of girls love guys who are smart. Just give them a chance...if you have a reputation for being that antisocial smart guy, they probably think that you look down on them or something. I know that if a guy isn't making a whole lot of effort to engage me in a conversation, I figure that he's not interested, a dick, whatever.

A little effort/interest goes a looooooong way.

 

What she said makes a lot of sense. You should follow that^

As a dude, I have to say that you need to be careful. Don't worry and be nervous, but when you talk to a girl, don't say a lot of really precise or scientific stuff to impress her. She'll just think that you have something to prove. Instead, listen to what she has to say and constantly encourage her to talk. eg; if she's talking about her life and then pauses, say "then what happened," or "that's interesting" and SMILE (unless she's talking about something depressing lol).

You sound like an exceptionally bright person. It's to the extent where you don't have to brag about it. If you do, you will most likely make the girl feel like the two of you have little in common.

Also- you don't have a girlfriend now. That's too bad, but it's a good thing also. It means that, if you talk to a girl and she rejects you, you're no worse-off than you are right now. Tell yourself that you're a good person. Don't think about your flaws.

Good luck.
I don't always practice what I preach, btw... only sometimes.

 

I think you sound really smart, personally I'm so turned on by that. Keep in mind that beauty lies in the eye of the beholder, you may think your average, others may think your this hottest shit since coffee .

PM if you want to talk sometime

 

your cleverness might be a good boost for your self esteem. think of ways you are above the other people: you have a great furture with that brain of yours. the older you get, the more attractive cleverness becomes.

 

ah man. You just need some self esteem seriously, you shudn't give a fuck what others think and say about you (unless its good ) Relax, you've got just as much chance at getting a girl than anyone else, and you know what? you'll prob end up with a good girl, whos smart, and who cares for you, because any girl worth knowing will always have time for you. Maybe go out with some of your few friends sometime, maybe have a drink or sumthin (if you dont drink thats cool, me neither ) just relax.

Course, if you really wanted a girl, pick up the electric guitar, any lead guitarist is an automatic chic magnet.... haha

 

if your meeting a girl and intend to be her girlfriend what makes you think a girl needs a boyfriend to have a car or money? im sure many girls out there dont look for that kind of stuff. why do people think you come off rude? maybe if you look a little more friendly or inviting someone will stike up a conversation with you. i know when i see someone smile, it makes me smile you seem like a very intelligent dude and im sure youll meet someone who will be interested in you. what if you try to find a new hobby?

 

i have so far noticed a very odd thing about most young people, they go for the best that they can, and as soon as they get a chance to go better, they drop w/e they had before and go for it. in simple terms, most girls/guys in relationships are just making like a name for themselves, prove theyre popular, or that they will not be single w/e. im not anti-social, i just have a very hard time approaching girls. and it pisses the living shit out of me when girls go nothing but confidence matters, because i see living proof of that. i mean a decent lookin guy who is clever approaches a girl, hes nervous but says hia, ive noticed you around here before, whats your name? < the girl goes pfft and her friends giggle away, the guy goes red and w/e self esteem he had has gone to the negative %. self esteem comes from knowing your worth, and the more special and unique the person, the more uncomfortable they feel about themselves due to everyone else being the same and 'normal'. most confident guys are jerks, and the more you know someone the better you trust them and all, so if you base your judgement of a guy just on confidence, thats as bad as just looks. give shy ppl a chance also.

 

Well if your nervous around girls/people, I would, ingest a small amount of Alcohol/Benzo's to eliviate social anxiety.

 

coffee addict, you seem very interesting btw - right now your post made me interested in you, even if im a straight guy. so yeah, youre way more unique than most pricks ur age, so dont go for the pricky girls, go for the interesting and smart ones so they understand you, not make fun of you. also imo the losers are the sheep, the ones who follow the crowd, dress like it, act like it and talk like it, the different people are imo the better kind. u know if such a thing as natural selection still existed in civilisation of this current humanity, our population would be ATLEAST 50% smaller, stupid people just shouldnt make it in the world, no one is born smart, its from working and learning, not stealing tv's.

 

You are very articulate. Not to be rude, but have you been diagnosed with ASperger's syndrome or did you come up with that yourself? If you diagnosed yourself, then maybe you're wrong? Maybe you're confusing your lack of friends for being autistic.

I have very few friends, not because I am socially inept, but because I simply don't connect with many people. This isn't a lack of social skills, but perhaps you simply have an offbeat personality. And because of this, you need to hang out with other offbeat personalities. I don't want to say that you're unique, because that sound pretentious, and a bit haughty; as if you're better than everyone else. No. What I mean is that you have a rare personality that disconnects you from most people in society, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Sounds like you just need to find people that are like yourself. No need to force relationships, or force a behavior that isn't natural to you - Just be you. If people can't accept that, then move onto another person, and another person, until you find a person that can accept you for you.

We live in a day and age where, if you don't have 20 friends, then you must be an anti-social freak job. If you don't have 40 voice mail messages left on your cell phone, then you must be a hermit.

Just live yo life dawg.

 

I was diagnosed when i was 5, and my family history sort of confirms it.
My little brother(10) is fully autistic, he can't understand why someone would want him to make his own pizza in the microwave, as opposed to them doing it for him, those kinds of things. but hes a walking biological encyclopedia.

Last month at his birthday party one kid walked up to my sister(21, o-chem major, bio minor) and asked her something abstract about sharks, like how many species there were or something, and she said "I don't know, ask zach. he probably knows", no doubt, he knew it, and all the kids there were like "wow!". it was really cute, but yea, thats just how my brother is, hes like rain man, but with animals.

My uncle has asperger's, he got diagnosed around the same time i did, when my mom(Ph.D) was researching as to why i was so different, and she came across some sites on asperger's and was just like "oh my god, story of my brothers life".

I wan't to thank everyone for all your advice, just posting this through the anonymity of an online forum has been a bit difficuilt, but i really think some of these things may help.

 

That's actually pretty cool. You can see the world in a different way from most people. You have an interesting perspective on reality =)

 

your brother makes me think of Temple Grandin.

 

hey what part of minnesota are you in. i go the st cloud state, and i went to mounds view high school if you have heard of it

 

Most people with Asperger's don't have a clue that it afflicts them. The fact that you have analyzed yourself and concluded you do have it, and that it was diagnosed at 5, does not mean that you now have it.

Re meeting girls, try to join some social clubs where there are girls, and get to know some of them in the club, and talk about things of common interest. Listen to what they are saying, and support their comments positively. Smile and be friendly. Joke with them. Flirt with them. Some of your problems are just the common problem of being a 19 year old guy trying to grow up.

 

That's just a label, one that was once pinned on me. It bears no relevance to reality. You do NOT have Ausbergers.

One of the biggest steps for me to get over it was just to stop taking the psyche meds I'd been on for 7 years. The second most important one was just to get in the habit of starting to talk with people. I'd just start conversations without any cue. A really important thing here is also to not be self-conscious. Just be yourself. Never say things for the sake of sounding cool or for some sort of pretense. In my experience, that really just breeds awkwardness.

I was kind of lucky though. When I was starting to get used to talking with people, I was in a hippie town and hung out in a hippie coffee house. People there were not only cool but also ultra-accepting.

I used to be super-awkward, self-conscious, and unsocial; but now a lot of people see me as one of the most outgoing, confident, and cool people they know (it took a few months of super-awkwardness as I made an effort to be more outgoing and less self-conscious).

I also used to be interested only in math and science until the beginning of this semester. After getting into college, I dislike both. Anyway, what I find is that the best way to develop the capacity to engage in non-academic discourse is simply to hang out with people. Don't imitate them (but do try to get in the habit of talking and initiating dialog, even if this seems forced or awkward), just notice their behaviors and the manner in which they guide the flow of a conversation. Sometimes the best things to say are entirely nonsensical, but never as pretense or for the sake of sounding cool.

On the subject of girls, I don't really pursue them much anymore; but I can tell you that following through with the above will work. Generally I'll 'click' with a girl, often even sparking up a conversation for a good thirty minutes or hour, but not bother to get her number or make any effort to follow up on it. One time some really hip (and beautiful) girl pretty much forced both her name and her number into my over the course of two days, invited me to a kegger, and gave me an open invite to crash in her dorm whenever I was in the area.

 

Lots of good advice here. Don't worry about being awkward or not having a car or money.

You can totally use your intelligence to your advantage - but as someone said, try to make sure you don't come off as boasting about it. If you're talking to a girl about physics or something, make sure the way you're presenting it is less "Look how smart I am" and more "This is something I find really interesting, so I want to share it with you." Hope that makes sense. Good luck with the ladies. I'm sure you'll find one.

 

i wouldn't mind being approached by a random guy, especially out of a bar, it'd be quite nice actually...
anyway, be more confident in yourself, remember everyone has their own problems, some far worse than yours, you'd make a great partner cos you are willing

 

Consider the notion that there's nothing wrong with you. Consider the notion that normal people have it easy because they're mentally inept, and that that allows them to remain forever oblivious to the chains that bind them... that bind them in their only life - a life that's lived here and now a thousand times over. Consider the notion that you're being measured against a mass of morons, by that mass of morons. Consider the notion that you're the quality and they're the quantity. Consider the notion that what you're feeling is the endless grain of a corrupt society pointing back at you. Consider the notion that everyone's embarrassing - that everyone's a dog, waiting for its master to throw the stick. Consider the notion that if you think deep enough, you'll turn to dust.

alright, that's all i could come up with