Lately I've gotten into a very odd mindset as I've learned more and more about myself. I realized that there is nothing in this world that you can lean on. About three years ago I learned that you cannot rely on any single person in this world, everyone will let you down sooner or later. I went on through life changed after this thought, this may have been one of the first things that ended my childhood. As life went on, I went through many trials and tribulations similar to other teenagers, but differently in many ways. I've never had a typical social life, usually holding a few very close friends and many acquaintances. Since you cannot rely on people, I find it hard to trust most people with my friendship. Ever since first experiencing psychedelics, I quickly realized that I cannot count on myself either, I have many personality flaws and internal struggles that need to be resolved. Every day I feel I correct a new one and yet another one goes unresolved. I used to rely on my parents to be there, but they have failed me and I can't trust them anymore, it will only hurt more. Must we stand completely alone in this world? Is it just a problem of modern life that you are forced to rely on things that are bound to let you down? Are we supposed to rely on people, technology, music, and so forth despite that it will repeatedly let us down? The Wall by Pink Floyd addresses this idea, but never answers it. How are we supposed to live? In this day everyone of us has been told what will make us happy, and many believe the lies. This leaves me curious as to what it is I feel. Who am I? Have I been living a lie? Looking back, nearly everything I've done before the past summer was something I was told to do. Now that I go to branch out on my own, I am repeatedly stopped and told that I am going wrong/ going insane. I do not wish to live the typical life of suburbs, living on tomorrow's paycheck, excessive technology. Is this a good idea? Life is possible in society, I mean I'm doing it right now. But will it make anyone happy? Yet again, since I've never tried life without society, I do not know. I was told to like this music, I was told to go to school, I was told who to like, I was told what to look like. Is it wrong to question what you are told? If you do the opposite of what is expected, who is the fool, you or the others? Are you merely playing the part of the 'rebel' by disobeying, by stepping out? Do I really like nature, do I really like the bass guitar, do I really like pot, am I really friends with those people? Am I intelligent and unique or am I just some loser, a follower, a cliche? Do I choose to do the opposite of what is expected because I am told to or am I just doin my own thing? You can question everything in life, but is it wise to do so? Is it possible to think too much? Does anyone else feel like their mind will just never stop thinking? The lack of freedom all throughout my life has limited my thoughts. In recent times everything is 'been there done that'. The same few thought reverberate through me and remain unanswered, untested. I'm waiting for life to begin, but now I question even myself. And if you question yourself, how can you be confident? To thrive in this world, you must be confident, so you must not question yourself according to this logic. Every move must be sure and calculated. This is the secret of every leader in mankind. But to be so sure of your desicions and your actions, are you thinking constantly or are you thoughtless? In meditation, you try to eliminate all thought. So is a lack of thought ideal? Is this the secret to consistent confidence? Ok I'm done questioning and ranting now, I would love some answers, but you don't have to read everything.
Solid depends on perception, but ultimately, nothing is solid. Think of matter as crystallized consciousness held together by desire. x
You must attain peace with yourself... this is what matters. You cannot rely on any person because death is a reality... you must be a strong person to move through life, it is very attainable... meditation helps. You are headed in the right direction Peace my man, peace... thats all ya need. Meditation is not "elimination" of thought, it is focusing thought on thought itself to attain a certain state. Do not just question, *answer*... that is truly what meditation is about, answering any and every question you may have. You must achieve a certain state, and all of the answers become apparant... no it doesn't happen overnight, because you will likely not achieve such a state immediately. Just persist, you'll get there. You must understand what the big picture truly is to see the big picture. You must seek the answer to your questions... but I will say, do NOT "wait for life to begin"... YOU ARE ALIVE NOW!!!! This is PART of life, anything and everything... you make the choice to live, you make the choice to do as you please with that life. If you focus on peace, you will make the entire world a better place - meditate on that. Live now and be aware of the next moment... once again, meditate on that. The western world's demonization of meditation is part of why we are in such a mess as it is. And, vote for Ron Paul, meditate on that one too
As they say, ignorance is bliss. What i've found through my life is that thinking less (not a complete lack of thought)actually makes me happier. I have a tendancy to over think things and being able to shut that off when i need to is really excellent. You strike me as having the same affliction, so i spose the same shut off could give you a different mindset. Try it. Being a fool iz fun.
You can make aspects of your life solid. You can make and build solid friendships for example - it's not easy or often that you find people on exactly the same page as you but it can happen. The key is to find out what you're interested in, go out and meet like-minded people and just be true to yourself. Always go on gut instinct. By surrounding yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself and accept you for who you are, whether they are close friend or just an aquaintance (remember we have people in our lives for different reasons/needs), you will feel more fulfilled.
You can only trust those you know and you can only know those you've trusted. Trusting is always hard but there really aren't too many ways to avoid it. Trying to live without it is an empty existence. As to whether a thoughtless state is desirable or not; it depends. If you're meditating, it is. If you are conducting business and making decisions of consequence, then no, a thoughtless state would not be desirable. But in all activities focus is essential, and that's where meditation can help. There are a lot of times when it's nice to just be in the moment and listen and watch, but anyone who has a life involving other people has a lot to think about all the time and no one should strive to be in a thoughtless state all the time. After all, in a social context, being thoughtless is just that---thoughtless.
yes, the perception of solidness IS an illusion, created by inter-sub-atomic-particle forces. in a sense its all energy. everything that is perceived as matter. even particles being bits of energy with something like a surface tension, and or specific exotic behaviours. as for sentient behaviours, understanding one's own sufficiently out to help to understand why no one's can ever be counted on to be entirely predictable to anyone other then themselves. but solidness is something in physical, nonsentient terms. like a chunck of basalt or gniess. organic life forms, every individual one of us, even the hive minds of insects, have unique agendas dictated partially by survival and partially by uniquely individual proclivities of our uniquely individual spirits. =^^= .../\...
Maybe the most solid matter is life itself, where all the rest is but creation. Still, you choose ... you invite, and allow whatever manifests in front of you, asking you to fully trust that this is exactly what helps you grow ... there's none to blame then and no letdown. And listen to another's actions rather than to their words, and go beyond and listen to their songs of the soul despite of all the discord, and love them for who they are and do not let them distract you. And step into your own answers (by actions rather than words) and follow your own heart ... and go beyond ... listen to your song of soul, and let it guide you. As who else brought you right here? And this is all you have... your own better knowing, your own power, your own need to love, and the joy to become who you truly are. We are the ones who create this society and all the co-dependancy; and this is every day. But then we are the ones to dissolve it and set free ourselfes (not by words, by actions, lol) and we may find we indeed are not limited. (yup and please question ! )
the world is flawed. always will be. Im kinda in the same situation, I really trusted my last girl friend and she turned on me, in a really bad way. It just makes me wonder if I can really trust anything. at this point I have decided I cannot.
you can't let one thing ruin your perception of the world. Only a fool would let himself be blinded so easily.
