Progressively throughout my life a pretty serious form of depression has grown in prevalence. I've seen therapists and psychologists and whatnot but it's never helped. The source is partly chemical so they just push drugs at me so fast its like they're sponsored by drug companies to reach a quota. It's starting to get to a point where I can barely live with my state of mind anymore though. Spirituality, art, and music were the only way I could cope; believing there was more to this reality and that we were all one fueled by love fueled me. I believed there was a reason to the way I felt, and that it was my responsibility to learn from it. My dream was to try and show the world there was more to life and to open people's minds and their hearts to be apart of this dream like I so wanted to. My state of mind has gotten so bad though I can't believe any of my old philosophies and spiritual musings anymore. My beliefs are dying, and they are the only thing I have. They fuel my art, my music, and my entire outlook on life. I fear if they finally go for good I'll have nothing. Love seems to be the only hope left but it's so hard for me to embrace or even experience it for that matter that I feel I'm reaching the end of the line. I'm actually considering going to another therapist and just getting antidepressants. Living passively as a drugged up robot seems pretty appealing when you pray every night you won't wake up. I don't really see how posting this will help anything but I don't have anyone to talk to about it and thought maybe reaching out somehow could help.
Hey, sorry youre dealing with that. It sounds like youre losing hope and depressed, but it will get better. My advice is to do everything you can to avoid those pills. They are really screwed up in my opinion..
theres always a pro to a con. things will get better once you have a comon ground with the piils/no pill thing. have you tried having a routine? Exercising or jurnalizing. i really hope you feel much better. If you do go see another dr/ therapist try to tell them first hand you don't want any meds. They love handing over meds. Be aware of what you want to accomplish in life as apposed to whats afecting you and try to stay away from toxic things. negativity etc. Take care of yourself and keep in the back of your mind your not the only one in this position if you wanna pm me feel free T
If it's a chemical problem, they might help. They certainly won't make you a robot. But if you're really deadset against them, find a psychologist who is into RBT maybe.
"My state of mind has gotten so bad though I can't believe any of my old philosophies and spiritual musings anymore." Hahaha. Whats wrong with this sentence? Pop Quiz. In my world, to have this realization is a step forward against the current. Give your self a little credit here. You're growing up and shedding an old skin. Thats not mental illness. Its progress. As for you meds, if something isn't working for you, you need to be very plain about it to those give prescribe them. They depend on your accurate feedback to adjust your medications. Its always going to be a balancing act. There are no miracle cure. But there are some very good medications out there. Make sure you articulate yourself well to them and hopefully they will respond with new ideas. Also, what do you do for a living? Exercise is still the remedy for depression. Its better than any drug. You make the chemicals you need naturally from exerting yourself. What could be simpler? I didn't say it was going to be easy. I said simpler. x
Why do you say your beliefs are dying? Are you becoming convinced they are wrong, or do you just not care about them as much?
