Hiya…’ I would like to know your reaction to the following. I am gay and single; I was with my partner for five years we split in 1993. We had some good times, and also some bad…’ I missed him, and in 1997 I decided to get in touch with him, we met for an hour, and then I called him next day, he answered his mobile, chatted, but that was just the once he was too busy and cut me off not whilst talking he just never bothered afterwards. I never heard from him again until now. Before I go into the next bit, I will say I have made my decision as hard as it is to do, and that is to totally cut him off. I am a very genuine guy, and for me to do this, well, its not like me at all, but then he knows this and is playing on this side of my personality. Basically he got in touch via email from a site I was on, and I replied, gave him my mobile and home number. He is now housebound, and needs carers, which are not forthcoming, and you guessed it he has asked me to help him. I have only spoke to him about four times in the last two weeks. The other night he spoke about the lack of carers, and also it would be good if I could help during the day and come home at night, then he said, move in…’ I don’t know if he was serious about moving in, but obviously he must have been. Caring as in washing him, etc...' I have not answered his calls since four nights ago...' Now I am not doing this as I cared for my mother who passed with cancer, and I also cared for my younger Nephew who died with a disability. What advice would you all give me…? Totally not answer him, in fact maybe that is the best way as I am too genuine too helpful, and telling him No on the phone would only end up with him trying to win me round. He is older than me, I am 38 and live on my own with one or two friends. He also lives further away now about 15 to 20 miles...' I have most probably answered my own problem here...but felt the need to ask you all for your help if possible...' I never heard anything until 3 days after I last spoke, now he is calling about 3 times a day home and mobile and I am not answering...I feel really guilty but then I think to when he ignored me last time I contacted him...' We do get on but there is also my family brothers and sister to think about because they know what I went through with him...and I dont think they would be happy if they knew I was chatting again...' The other night he told me he had my xmas present...so again it is like me feeling guilty...I know he is housebound now and I dont think he has many friends...am I being too harsh thanks...
Don't feel guilty. He made the choice not to stay in touch with you and it sounds like he is trying to use you. Don't let him guilt trip you into taking care of him. He made a choice and now he regrets it. Peace and love
It's saddening that some people will ignore you until they need something. You shouldn't feel guilty. He made the choice not to keep in contact with you. I would tell him that he needs to contact people closer to him, and that you have moved on. It really is unreasonable to expect someone you lost touch with to care for you. You might want to think about changing your cell phone number. Might seem harsh, but he shouldn't be trying to guilt you into helping him and it would end the barrage of phone calls. If you want to thats one thing, but it doesn't sound like you want to. After what you have been through with other family members I don't blame you. Just stand your ground, and say NO!
it seems like he is trying to take advantage of you... regardless help him out if you want. there's nothing wrong with being nice. just make sure you know where to draw the line to protect yourself from getting hurt again. it may seem selfish but sometimes you just have to look out for your best interest.
hiya thanks for your replies...will look at changing my numbers...how does one change the mobile number..I have decided that my life was okay before he came back so am not changing it all now... many thanks
Depending on your carrier (Verizon, T Mobil, etc) you can (usually) go to a store and request that your number be changed. I use Verizon and it took about 5 minutes and was free. Well worth it! No reason to avoid answering a phone you pay for Best of luck to you and I hope you have a wonderful holiday.
