I dated a girl for about a year and a half, and a month ago she dumped me to hook up with one of my close buddies. It was a bizarre ending that im still confused about, but i'll try to explain it. I spent september and part of october exploring new music, new friends (for the record, none of them were chicks), and was just tooling around with my image in general. During this time she apparently had a big problem with it all, and after i introduced them, started to get close to my buddy. Early last month she told me that she wanted to "spread her wings" and experience other people and things. I don't have a problem with that at all. After all, we're in highschool. Its what you're supposed to do. A week later (i worked my ass off that week to try to make her happy with me) she ended it after a visit to my buddy's place, and told me that she still wanted to be friends. That's really what i wanted too, because it would be a total suck to lose 2 good friends in one fell swoop, so i stayed pleasent through the whole affair, and aftwe a week or so most of the pain had gone away. They were both situated, and i didnt have to deal with worrying about my girl hooking up with my friend. Things were going pretty well as far as recovery goes. Now after a month of feeling no commitment, although ill admit i do still have strong feelings for her, she's trying to work intimacy into our friendship. I love talking to her and all, and i dont want her to do anything that would ruin what she's started with my friend. As of late ive been seeing the things about her i never liked, and the pysical attraction has subsided a bit. It's pretty apparent that she still has feelings for me though (seems like she ends up either moody or in tears everytime i speak to her) and she still touches me. Nothing intrusive or the like, but small things. She'll put her arm around me, or play with my hair,or play with my hand, or rub my neck, or put her head on my shoulder. I don't know what to do. I know that if i return any of it, its gonna seem pretty sketchy to anyone looking on and i really dont want to do anything that my friend wouldnt want me too (still have respect for him). At the same time, when i just ignore it she gets all upset about it and tears up. Still loving her, i wanna comfort her and make it all better but thats not my place anymore and I'm left feeling awful. I cant tell her to stop because she'd take it the wrong way and that'd ruin any chance of her ever trusting me again, but i dont think i can let it continue because i like it too much and im afraid it'll goto my head. Any ideas on what i could do here?
explain to her that its not fair for her to toy with your emotions like that. because thats really all shes doing, even though she probably doesn't realize it.
Shrug it off, never let a girl cry on your shoulder unless shes is sucking your nuts. Learn that fast or you will be every girls friend.
just tell her that you understand and you still care for her, but your relationship needs to be one of friendship now. tell her you'll always be there for her and you'll never stop caring about her, but as a friend, not a boyfriend. let her cry on your shoulder, and hold her. listen to her concerns and how she feels, and just try to empathize. eventually she'll get her emotions out and you two can talk about whats going on and how to fix things. do not, i repeat, do not lead her to believe that there can be anything more than friendship between you while shes with someone else. that will only hurt her an confuse her more in the long run. be firm but caring and considerate. remember, girls often need a lot of talking and empathy to work through their problems successfully, so just be prepared for a long and emotional discussion.
no problem. feel free to pm me if you have any more questions, i'll try to help you out as much as i can.
be prepared to turn deaf. lmao. also. Don't let HER feelings get YOUR feelings messed up as well. Its not your problem to solve . its Hers to figure out.
