Some of you might know what happened between me and this guy. If not, i'll give a quick explanation: Met him more than a year ago, this summer we became very close. He always came to talk to me, sit with me even when his friends were there. Some stuff happend, we ended up sleeping in the same bed, drunk, but whatever. He put his arm around me in the morning but pulled back quick. After this he was distant for awhile. But it got back to normal. When we were together (almost every weekend), always sitting close together, he drove me home a couple of times and I live far away. One night, he was a bit drunk, he pulled me next to him and until six o'clock in the morning he was holding my hand, sleeping on my shoulder, sleeping on my lap, putting his arm around me. He even tried to kiss me then. After this everything between us was great, we were great friends, he told me that I was acctually his best friend. And well, one night at a party, some things happend, me and him on the sofa, under a blanket, we kissed. And after this everything has gone wrong. I talked to him about it, but he says that he can't feel anything right now and really isn't thinking about that kind of stuff at this moment. He told me I could always talk to him and that I don't have to be afraid that there's someone else, cause there isn't and won't be. I have to say that he isn't the kind of guy who would normally do something with a girl without having any feelings for her. In all the time that I've known him I have never seen him acting this way around a girl like he acted around me. (smiling at me; sitting leg to leg, talking alot,...) Well, things are a bit akward between us in the last couple of months. Ofcourse I feel terrible, had my heart broken, but I just want t be friends with him. He has some troubles at home and he told me that he isn't happy. And I worry so much about him. I've told him that I feel that things are still somewhat uncomfortable between us and I asked him if he wanted to go for a drink, to talk, just as friends. This was on msn, and he was so sweet and understanding but we didn't plan anything...So it never happened, I saw him on friday and saturday. He doesn't even say 'hello' anymore. He doesn't talk to me AT ALL. It's like I have to start every conversation, and I am always the one who has to approache him. I don't expect anything from him except that he acts normal to me. Why is he taking so much distance, even ignoring me? We have alot of common friends wo we see eachother every week. I don't understand why it seems that he doesn't want to be friends...When it was obvious that I meant something, to him. Everyone sees it. For me it is so much more difficult to even be around him, and it should be easier for him to hang around with me and act normal cause he doesn't have any feelings, while I do. but I don't want to ruin a good friendship over this. I just understand why he's acting this way. I said to him that I want to remain good friends...And that I don't expect anything to happen between us. One moment he acts like he cares so much about me and the other moment he acts like I don't mean shit to him. Is it maybe because he's confused about his feelings? When we're at the same place I see him looking at me constantly. And other people do too. Should I stop trying to talk to him and leave him alone? It's just so confusing and hurtfull. I don't want to lose him; as a friend and as a person I care about. I love him, I know I do, but I'm not hoping for a relationship or for him to feel the same, I just want to be friends, is it really that hard for him? Or do I just don't mean anything to him anymore.. My first real love and also my first really close friendship with a guy and I f***** it up. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks! And sorry for the rant! x
I would inquire into this assumption. Can someone spend so much time with another, do things together, communicate openly, be affectionate, etc. without developing feelings for that person? Why do you see him as this unfeeling person? And why do you not even consider the possibility of being his girlfriend?
Because he told me that he can't feel anything right now and doesn't want a relationship. And to be honest, I would rather be friends with him now. He was my friends first, and this is my priority. And I can wait, if something will develope out of our friendship I would be very happy! But he has to start talking to me before anything can happen. When I met him he just got out of a two year relationship with a girl who ran off with one of his best friends, he was hurt majorly. And maybe this is one of the reasons that he doesn't want to get hurt like that again. And well, his mother has cancer and is probably going to die...so I do understand why he isn't thinking about 'relationships' and stuff right now. But I don't understand why he doesn't even take the effort to remain friends.
Well, the only advice I can give you is to ASK him. But relationships are based on MUTUALITY, and perhaps what is making him grow distant from you is that he senses you want something different than him. It's ok to take the intellectual position that you'd prefer a friendship right now, but how can your affectionate feelings for him be denied? I see two possibilities: 1) He doesn't want a relationship WITH YOU; notices you want one --- on the level of FEELINGS --- and is trying to pre-empt that; 2) HE wants a relationship, and due to whatever reason, is scared of intimacy; Either problem in mutuality can be solved with open communication. It's about getting on the same page and setting the limits and modus operandi of the relationship. You're going to have to comfort him and assert the fact that you're not trying to push his limits. Sorry if I sound a little intellectual. I do wish you the best of luck and I'm sorry you're going through this. But who knows? Something good may come out of it all.
I'll just talk to him and I'll let you know what the awnser was. Thanks for the replies! But more advice is always welcome
