This isn't exactly my problem, it's my girlfriends. Let me explain, she grew up with her father who was abusive when her mother, her, and her two siblings left him, her little sister was lost in car accident. Her mom then married a police officer who beat his son. When she was with him she was very controlling and just plain outrageous. Her mother left him and everything seemed to be better. But at the beggining of this school year, she began seeing him again. Since then she has been ridiculous again. Recently, My girlfriend went hoem afetr her angry mother called her and demanded her being home to clean. She went there and cleaned a little bit, she then went upstairs and her mother told her it wasn't good eough. Shana (my girlfriend) then simply said she was going to leave and did just that. The next day her mom emailed her saying how she was going ot take shanas car away and sell it because she wasn't hoem enough, and her mother would not deal with her not listening anymore. They continued to email each other over and over and throughout the emails, her mother bashed her, saying shes poisoning her little brother and sister. She doesn't clean up, and she steals. This all really hit Shana pretty hard, so for the last couple days shes been crying on and off. And tonight it went over the edge. Her mother threatened of sending shana back to live with her dad. The abusive father they had to leave, who tried to kill her, her mom now wants her to live with him. Her mom then accused her of behaving like her father. It all has seemed to get out of hand. I was just wondering if any of you had any advice on how to help her out. Calm her down at least. please help.
how old is she? does she have relatives she could stay with? like a granny or something? couls she stay with you? sounds like a bummer. make sure she's safe
Shana is lucky to have such a caring and thoughtful boyfriend, Justin. It sounds like I have a lot in common with your girlfriend so here is my best advice: Listen to Shana, let her vent, and respond by saying things that will validate her feelings (i.e. I can't imagine how scary this must be for you; I would be really hurt if my mom said those things to me.) Assure Shana that you are there for her, and tell her how much she means to you. (i.e. It hurts me to see you so upset because I really care about you; I am here if you need to talk.) Remind Shana that her mom will probably get over this without making good on her threats. People make threats when they feel powerless, so if her mom feels like she has no control over Shana, then she use anything (the car, her home) to win power. If Shana lets her mom win, even a little bit (i.e. I'm sorry mom, I should'nt have been so rude; I get that this is your house and I have to follow your rules) then her mom won't need the threats to feel powerful. Good luck, I will keep you and Shana in my thoughts
shes 16, and no real relatives for how to stay with around here. I'm in the process of tryign to get her to be able to stay with me but due to our ages it doesn't seem to be working
