I'm pregnant.

I found out today that I am pregnant. Now as many of you know, I have 2 kids and I was pregnant a third time but chose to terminate it. But alas, 2 years later, here I go again!

I have a serious problem though. My husband is really pressuring me to have another abortion. I already had one and I vowed never to do it again. I experianced alot of depression,guilt,and anxiety after my first one. While I am militantly pro-choice, I have always had deep feelings about it for myself. I went through the last one because I had just giving birth to my second child 6 months earlier and she was an Irish twin. I reluctantly had the abortion and felt lousy afterwards.I don't think that I could come out of another one with everything upstairs intact. I might be fine physically but emotionally and mentally? I dont think I could survive it.

His pressure is really getting to me. I'm willing to make the required sacrifices to accomodate another child,including ditching the internet and putting off school for another 3 years. I'm a married mother, shouldnt I be allowed to be happy if I get pregnant? Instead, I feel like I did something wrong. That I am being selfish by continuing the pregnancy. Because of me, my husband will have to work a bit more and he wont be able to buy the motorcycle he has been talking about for a year.

It's easy for him to bite the bullet and fork over $350 for the procedure, but it's me who will have to lie on that table, it's me who will have to deal with the uncertain aftermath. It's me who will have to live with my decision for the rest of my life. I can't stomach the idea of going through any of that again.

what do I do about my husband? I want to be happy and tell my family the news at Thanksgiving(I will be about 3 or 4 months along). I want to welcome this child despite the fact that it will be a bit harder. I have good health insurance that I ought to take advantage of before our government destroys it. I'm hoping this will be the boy my husband so desperatly wants even though he doesnt say so. I want this to be something positive, a light in this crappy dark world.

But I feel as if I am damned if I do and damned if I dont.Have the baby=mad,resentful hubby, abortion=mad,resentful me. Do I put my feelings first or do I sacrifice them for everyone else around me?

 

well, congratulations on the pregnancy, but do whatever you think is right, dont give into the pressure if you had a hard time with it before. i hope everything works out for you

 

That's a tough situation to be in, I hope you make the choice that is right for you.

My question is, if your husband is pressuring you to have an abortion, why doesn't he go and get a vasectomy? They are 95% reversible these days within the first 10 years of the operation.

 

{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}


You already know what you want to do. Follow your heart.
And have a heart to heart with your man, tell him exactly how you feel, and tell him you will keep this baby.
He's probably in a state of shock and will come around eventually.

Oh, I know how you feel!

I wish you the best, whatever you decide. And you are right, YOU have to decide what is best for you.
But anyway, you have my support here at the forums.

Blessings and Light.

 

if you don't want to do it then don't!!!

if you want to try and change his mind, maybe it would help if he understood the different procedures better, if you want links i can give you some.
where i live there is a place called 'the pregnancy support center' there should be something in your area along the same lines, they can provide things like councelling resources etc...

if you don't want to keep the child and don't want an abortion check into adoption, maybe interview some prospective parents etc...
there are options.

don't ever do it out of pressure, if you decide to keep the child and raise it then he will get over it.

 

Yeah, with all due respect...

You should tell your husband to go fuck himself.

 

Cynical Otter, you are one of my favorite people on here..and I wish you congrats on yer pregnancy..I am so sorry yer husband is trying to make you abort...I don't think you should..and i think yer husband is being very selfish in trying to make you abort..my advice is to try to get through the next few months..let the idea grow on him, and then, he will start getting all excited..and ya'll can be excited together..but to ask you to do something like that..is not fair to you at all..I'm sorry you are going through this..and I will be here for you if you ever need me *hugs* and again congrats..SMILE and BE HAPPY! you deserve it

 

Thanks alot guys. I really appreciate the support. I am going to keep this baby whether he wants it or not. I can't allow myself to continue kowtowing to conveniences of everyone else. I was reading about how many women can't have babies and have gone through expensive treatment,miscarriages and end up with empty arms. Here I am pregnant without even trying,I'm going to count my blessings that nature allowed me this gift of reproducing when so many want to and can not.

 

And you know this baby's going to be cute!

(Your girls are adorable)

 

Well i didnt find out i was pregnant until i was really far gone, and i had the baby at 18. My boyfriend was stunned and in shock, found it hard to adjust, but came round, and turned out to be an excellent daddy. I got pregnant a year later, and again, it was really late until i knew. My partner copuldnt handle it and when my daughter was born he wanted her adopted. I told him i couldnt keep one of my babies, and let the other go, and i was willing to go it alone, without him. It took a week for him to come round but then bought us home. There was a lot of resentment on his part, and i had PND, so it was really really tough. But again he turned out wonderful, and he loves his kids to bits. I asked him when he changed his mind about keeping her and he said " The moment i saw her, she was so beautiful, i was just scared". Maybe he is just scared, and will realise when he sees the scans that it is his beautiful baby, and change his mind. I think hes got to know that if he pressures you into an abortion you dont want, the damage to your relationship may be irreparable. Maybe you should consider going it alone if hes that resolute, but i suspect if you tell him this, the thought of you bringing up his kids without him will be too much to bear and he'll see whats really important in all this. Hope this helps a little, best of luck Lux xxx

 

Thank you very much Bridgid! I try.lol. Incidentily, they are little insane monkeys as well.

 

He wants you to have an abortion because of a motorcycle? I guess I'm in no place to be talking shit about someone's husband, but that seems really shallow and immature.

As I see it, one abortion in a lifetime is enough, except in extreme circumstances. He knows how babies are made.....if he was so concerned about NOT having another one he should have made sure it wouldn't happen again, either by fixing his RO's or fixing yours, or using some other form of birth control. I know it takes two, but since he's the one not wanting a baby the he should take responsibility.

Abortions suck, I had one and I hated myself for the next year afterwards. Luckily, sprout knew what I went through with it, and he agrees that if for some reason i ever got pregnant again (god forbid it) we'll just have to deal with it.

I'm sure your husband is a great guy, but this is YOUR decision, and you shouldn't allow him to gult trip you into getting rid of a baby you want to keep. His motorcycle can wait.

 

what is an irish twin?

 

Irish Twins are babies born less than a year apart.

 

congrats!!

I was reading a book not too long ago called Baby Catcher by Peggy Vincent and in it she was talking about how when you lose a child (she used miscarriage, but i felt abortion qualifies also) that that child's spirit ramains, and will be alive in your next child.
OK, she did a much better job of explaining it that i did, but i hope that you get it. Don't feel bad about the abortion, because it is kind of like you are getting that baby back. And you will love this baby more than you could imagine
Best of luck,and I agree that if dh is upset because of the cycle, then the guy need to get his head on straight! but i can garauntee he will fall in love with this baby once he sees it!
-sweetpeace

 

it diesn't amtter if he wants the baby or not,its already there! it's growing inside you, it loves you already and knows that you are the mother!! you don't have a zygote or a few extra cells, you have a child. tell him that.

if he can dish out the money for you to terminate the child inside your stomach, maybe he could shell out the money to terminate the 'babies' inside his testies!! you can get pregnant over and over is he gonna spend that money each time when he could spend it once on him and never have to worry about it again.

whatever happens, it will be alright, out of every bad 'thing' something good happens. so i say you should be patient and stand your ground. you've made your choice, now tell him that he has to make his.

 

Hugs and love, Otter. You post almost made me cry. You shouldn't be pressured into such a thing if you don't want to do it. It is CHOICE, which means you have the CHOICE not to do it, just as well as the CHOICE to do it.

My thoughts are with you. I have no answers, except to do some soul searching about a man who would want you to hurt yourself so deeply emotionally.

I hope you can find some peace with your very difficult situation.

Hugs love blessings and thoughts,

Maggie

 

I did cry.


You know the truth WOMBMAN. I know this sounds cheesy, but you always knew. If you believe that child inside of you was just a unfeeling flesh mound you would not have posted. You know...You know that gotta follow your maternal divine love. That other bullshit seeping it's way in, that dellusional lie trying to tell you otherwise is what it is. A lie, an excuse, another manifestation of the selfishness of ego that mars this world. Ignore your husband, give him 25 cents to ride the toy kiddie motorcycles outside of the grocery store.
You have a heart,you are a mother, and everything is going to turn out all right. Things will happen the way you want if you just believe.

 

Ya.. my mum had an abortion when I was 17. It made her sad. She talked about wanting to adopt a child in name ie donations to an orphanage and stuff. She did it because we were in a situation where bringing the baby into the world wasn't a very good timing. Hmm.. its hard to say it because so we don't feel the baby should come into the world and suffer but chose to end its life?

Its wrong either way.....

Follow your heart girl because you have to live with it.

 

Hold on to your babies and love them with all your heart -- as i was reading the posts -- i knew you were going to keep your little pumpkin. As for your husband -- he will have to deal with it.

Hey he can always get a motorcycle when the girls go to college on scholarships!!