Boy/girl sleepovers

Greetings fellow hip parents. I haven't been to the forums for a while, but I've got a dilemma and I was hoping that I could get some opinions here.

My daughter is about to turn 15. She is a good kid, she has her head screwed on straight and we are very proud of her. She knows that her dad and I don't want her drinking or using drugs right now. We've given her good information about which drugs can really mess up her life and which ones are just not the best thing for a growing young mind and body, but she agrees that she isn't ready for any of them and says that she isn't interested anyway.

We've also talked to her about sex. She started asking questions pretty early, so I gave her the facts. I explained the mechanics and that sex was something special that two people could share. I told her that her body was her own to do with as she wished, and that she should never allow anyone to pressure her into anything that she was uncomfortable with. I explained that birth control was essential as was protection from disease. When we felt that the time was right we put a makeup case with condoms in it in the medicine cabinet for her use. It was a box of twelve, and we explained to her that if she felt that she was mature enough to have sex she would have to tell us when the case needed refilling. She knows that there will be no repercussions and that the case will not be checked.

She has a close group of friends, both male and female. Sometimes, they spend the night at one house or another. Tonight is one of those nights, however tonight it was going to be just her, two older boys and the sister of one of the boys. The parents are fine with it and they will be home all night. I know these kids. They've hung out at my house eating pizza and watching movies until all hours of the night. And I know my kid. She's smart, she's tough, she's mature and she can handle herself better than most adults I know. So why do I feel like the world's worst parent right now? I keep thinking, "If my mother knew about this she'd be horrified!" My mom was one of those parents who told me that you waited until you were married to have sex and in the mean time you never trusted boys for a second because they only wanted one thing. She had her reasons for feeling like that but I realized pretty early that I did not agree with her. I was only a year older than my daughter when I lost my virginity. And honestly, if she feels that she's ready and she is ready to take the proper precautions I'm fine with that. And to further complicate matters, even if I did decide to ban boy/girl sleepovers I would only be covering half of the bases, since my daughter is bisexual. Or at least that is where she currently identifies. And it seems hypocritical to me to tell her that her body is her own but that I'm going to make damned sure that she doesn't have any opportunity to have sex. I trust her, but I still feel kind of freaked out about all of this.

So this is my rant. Any advice for one freaking out mom?

 

Follow your gut. It's true that you'd only be covering half your bases, even if she wasn't bi. If she wants to do the hippitydippity with someone, and they both want it bad enough, it will happen. The problem is, if you tell her "NO" and she goes behind your back and lies, then the trust will be broken. Either way, just do what you feel is right. We all want to be one of the "cool" parents, but on the same hand it is more important to be real parents. A lot of people let their children run a muck, doing whatever they please. It is important to let children make mistakes on their own, mistakes they can learn from. It is our duty to try and keep them out of harms way, to try to help them avoid mistakes that may leave them emotionally or physically scarred, or dead. Not that any of this would likely occur, I am talking more generally here. Just listen to your own reasoning, you know what the right thing to do is, and you will do it. It's your parental instinct. Oh yeah, and don't worry about what your mom might think, I have to go rounds with my parents everytime we see them. It's a different generation and we will raise our children differently. She is your child, not your moms child. I have to explain this to my mom everytime I see her. My mom was a great parent, and it's thank to her that I turned out to be the fine adjusted individual that I am today, but my methods of parenting differ.

 

You're doing right by your daughter.
Stay the course.

 

My parents had a strict no-boys rule. That included male friends being in our bedroom if the door was closed. And sleeping over? I think they would have died first.

Then I met my future husband. And about a year into our relationship he was working 3 part-time jobs as well as going to college. He would come over for the evening, and fall asleep on the living room floor while we were all watching a movie. My parents didn't have the heart to send him home (30 miles away) and would let him sleep over.

I was told to sleep with my door closed (I did anyway) and that was that. Nobody barred the door from the outside or anything... and my parents are VERY heavy sleepers so I have absolutely no doubt that if we'd wanted to do something we could have. But nothing happened. Why? Because my parents had already instilled in me the morals to keep me from doing anything I didn't feel I was ready for.

Sounds like you've done the same. ((((((hugs!!!)))))) I'd let them stay - you've done your job well, now it's time to let her live up to your hopes & dreams
love,
mom

 

i think youre doing right by yoru daughter, you sound liek a very good parent who has explained a lot to your daughter as well as your reasoning behind yor rules and such

 

NOO!! DONT DONT DONT!!!!!!!!!!!! im a 14 year old boy and just dont!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I cant stress this enough, If i ever stayed at a girls house overnight or vice versa then......well just dont do it

 

^just because you would doesn't mean her daughter would.

 

^ exactly.

 

I agree.
First off, I'll say this,
I'm not officially a parent yet, but I've always had a very good relationship with my mother, when I was very young, before I knew where they came from, we would have talks about parenting and stuff.
One thing she said was "when you have a baby, you're a mother, being a mother, you'll have these feelings of what's right for them, weather it's about should you let them walk to school alone, let them watch a movie at nine, they'll never go away, but that doesn't mean they'll always be right..."

She seems live a very smart, well educated person who wouldn't do it if she wasn't ready.
I don't know her so I couldn't say, but I think if you look at what could happen in both situations, clear your mind, and ask yourself.

Another thing, when I was 15, I wasn't a virgin, but with any of my friends except one or two, sleeping with them(or other stuff) never even entered my mind.
They could just be buddies, best friends, though they may not be he smartest or whatever, they're boys, there's also that 50% chance of the subject not coming up.

I hope everything works out either way.

 

When I was 15 I was seeing more action than a detroit cop.

 

Lol I never post on this website, but I guess I will for this. First off I am an 18 year old boy so you can see my point of view. I almost feel bad for you and your daughter, becuase 95% of guys are just going to want fuck the shit out of her. You can kid yourself and say "No, no her guy friends are great, they care about her bla bla bla." I garuntee all her guy friends are just trying to score some ass. I really can't believe your letting her have coed sleep overs...Honeslty why would you put her in that situation. You seem like a pretty liberal parent, but I don't think you are being near strict enough with your daughter. She is 15, do you really think she has the life expiernces, maturity, and perspective to make the right choices regarding sex, drugs, and alcohol!? NO SHE DOESNT, NO TEENAGERS DO! Included me, I smoke, and drink occasionally (keep it in check becuase I keep all A's) but one thing I ALWAYS do if I get the chance is fuck. Luckily, becuase of my parents rules, I dont get that oppurtunity WHENEVER I want. If I had to guess I would say your daughter is the slut of her grade, and that is to bad. And before you jump all over and tell me I am a judgemental ignorant idiot who does not know your kid, maybe you are the one who does not know your kid. All of my friends, myself included, lie our parents. For your daughter's sake, I would hate to see her getting pounded by a ton of guys who don't really care about her. Its sad, disrespectful, and degrading to her, and should be embarrassing and upsetting to you. I think you need to talk to your daughter about establishing a relationship of mutual respect and how to set limits. Saying "hey theres a box of condoms tell me when you need more" is the most pathetic thing I have ever heard. Don't kid yourself, your daughter is not ready to be an adult and live an adult lifestyle. Take responsibility and be a fucking parent. Again this forums are extremely liberal and nobody is conserative about anything so I don't expect to have any supporters. Just think about your daughter in the long run. Good Luck.

 

She's be grounded till she was 65 if that ever happened Never in a million years !~~~

 

Just because you can't conduct yourself as an adult doesn't mean every teenager in the history of ever cannot. The OP has long made her decision anyway.

But from the other point of view, I never drank or did drugs in high school (or even now that I'm in college). The first time I tried a cigarette, I told my mom. While I lied about sex (becasue seriously, who wants their parents to know their sex lives?), I used 2 forms of birth control up until the point that I got the pill which I asked for at the doctor's office with my mom in the room. No big deal. Parents should go with their gut instincts. For years I had boy-girl sleepovers and guess what- none of us ever wanted to "pound the shit" out of each other. Our parents were all friends, we all knew each other's parents well (and even now that we're all at different colleges across the country, we still call each other's parents to let them know what's going on ), and there was a great deal of open communication and trust. I was the first of my group of friends to lose my virginity and I was 17 at the time! And no, this wasn't a group of prudes, none of us were in the least religious, and we weren't sheltered- we just had been instilled with the values of trust and respect.

Obviously not every group of teenagers is going to act like this, but it sounds like the OP has a good relationship with her daughter and as such, she should trust her insticts. Being a good parent does not mean shuttering off your child from any hard decisions that they will have to make, it means equipping your child with the information and self confidence to make those decisions.

 

I am just saying, giving your daughter a box of condoms and then letting her spend the night with two older boys is SETTING HER UP to make a poor decision. I think some parents are just afraid to lay down the law because they will give up their status as the "friend" and have to take on the imtimidating role of the "parent." But again on this website I am not exactly preaching to the choir.

You said:
Just because you can't conduct yourself as an adult doesn't mean every teenager in the history of ever cannot.

The majority of teenagers(myself included)are not able to make the most beneficial decisions because we are only looking at the short term consequences. Now while there are expceptions, most teenagers need the help of their parents to guide them and set limits and rules regarding drugs, sex, and alcohol. You have to remember, while your child may have a responsible attitude towards these subjects, when he or she is in a group of teenagers her morals and ethics could disappear. I would say when in a group ones personal standards on most things are always reduced.

I just think its dumb when these retarded ass parents take advice from a bunch of nymphos and druggies.

 

I think it depends on the situation. When I was about 15, most of my friends were guys. And they were all into D&D. I wanted to play too, naturally. But the thing was, they only played at sleepovers, and of course I was never allowed to go because they were all guys. Sex had nothing to do with my wanting to sleep there. It was all about wanting to stay up all night playing a game. Not sexual at all.

(And trust me, if your daughter wanted to be having sex, she would be)

 

im 15male and all the boy girl sleepovers ive been too with a couple of people. either have truth or dare or some sexual stuff going on but nothing to bad. No intercourse or drugs or anything but deffiently kissing and other things.

 

You got pregnant with your daughter when you were right about 6 years older than she is now. My point is that you shouldn't be so naive to think that everything is on the up and up. The next co-ed sleepover she has should be after she turns 18.

You seem like a good Mom. Keep it up.

 

The mother should be educating herself on how teens are while her daughter is educating herself on STDS HIV AIDS PREGNANCY RAPE MOLESTATION DRUG RAPE

 

Is there a dad present?
15 and already you're aware she's a bisexual. How's this come about?
It's a tough call on what's right or wrong, but there's the "give an inch, they take a mile rule."
Sometimes being an understanding parent AFTER the fact is a good thing, and sometimes being understanding before the fact makes the kid too comfortable.

The reason I ask if there's a dad present, is IMO someone's gotta be the ahole and just be able to tell the girl "f*** no." It's not a simple matter of making the rules and hoping the kids follow them. It's a bit of a game. Set the meter at 1 or 2 and hope they only achieve a 5 out of 10.
Allowing your daughter to sleep over with boys present is just a bad, bad idea.
It's not an insult to her to tell her no to that sort of thing. It's a situation a parent should ensure their kid avoids. Trust and blind faith aren't one and the same.

Trash and those wrongly viewed as such seem to have cool and understanding parents, I've found. Be careful, you've still got a few years to be a parent.

 

I knew I was bisexual when I was 10...

I was allowed to go to sleepovers with boys, and I didn't do anything stupid. I never had sex until I was 19 and only then with the man who became my husband a few months later. Not all teens are stupid, and not all who have sex 1t 15 or 16 are stupid, either.