Confused Bi?

Hey guys, got a question here.

I would say my sexuality is very undefined. I find girls hot, but i seem to find guys hotter, for the most part. Sometimes girls just annoy me to much, especially bitchy ones. Its hard for me to get sexually close with anyone, but the more I think about it, I think i want a man. The only problem is, I do not like effeminate men. Nothing wrong with them, just they don't fill that "man desire" that I am looking for, and therefore I am not attracted to them.

Question is, what percent of the bi/gay community is not effeminate? (you wouldn't be able to tell they are gay)

 

I don't understand what you mean by effeminate. Do you mean flamboyant, dressing like they're gay, etc? I mean, technically, you can't TELL anyone is gay just by looking at them, some people "look" gay but that's not proof they actually are. Some people look straight but are actually gay, some people look gay but are actually straight, I imagine if you're bi you can just look any which way!

 

yes! i feel exactly the same way! i know exactly what you mean, the problem is though that sometimes there are no greater truths than in stereotypes, meaning that if a guy fulfills the flamboyant over dramatic and effeminate gestures style of a conventionally gay man, it means that they are likely to be gay, and the same usually applies for the opposite.

i wouldn't find this so troubling if i did fit the gay / bisexual stereotype however i am a masculine and straight looking guy who's curious to explore sexually with other like minded and like bodied guys. only two people know i am a bisexual, but all my other friends, family members, and acquaintances think i'm 100% heterosexual. the problem is that it is far more difficult to pinpoint bisexual or gay guys like ourselves because we have little or no external signs of being gay and come across as straight.

annoying huh? especially when you don't look or have the mentality of a gay and feel as though you actually deserve to be with other guys of a like mind and orientation.

 

sorry annajane but that's not what he was asking or suggesting.

 

Thank you frandzde! You understand completely. Basically, I don't see how it is possible to find the guy im looking for, because I wouldn't be able to tell that guy is interested in men... haha. Its very ironic and annoying. Only 3 or 4 people know I am bi, or gay? Im not even sure. I think girls are hot and whatnot but I don't think I can share the rest of my life with one, unless its that 'special' girl that I happen to get along with. I was actually thinking I could definately get along with a bisexual chick however, but that is besides the point.

I've recently met a guy in my dorm who seems like he could be bi. He doesn't come off as bi at all, but by what he says sometimes, and crossreferencing that with the way I think.... sometimes it seems like he could be the same kind of bisexual as myself, if that makes sense.

ehh its so frustrating

 

it's so true! i'm glad i've come across someone i can fully relate too! it is desperately annoying and at the moment i'm really struggling with it. i just feel as though girls re great to have sex with and be with and talk to but in the end i can't picture myself getting married, settling down, having kids etc. but then again i can't see myself being with a guy for a lifetime either. and as sad as this may sound i think guys like us are 1/100 of male bisexuals (or gays). It's just that uncertainty of never being sure whether someone similarly to us is typically masculine, straight looking, acting etc. and bisexual / gay. i'd come out to everyone right now if i knew how i felt for sure but then i wouldn't feel as though being condemned or treated differently amongst friends, family, and society generally for being bisexual when it is simply my sexuality rather than disposition, lifestyle or behavior is fair. like it doesn't "make me" so much as it is a part of or characteristic of me.
do you relate to what i'm getting at in any way?
like have you ever thought about these sorts of things or experienced these feelings?
sorry about it being long winded and all but it feels great to write it down like that.
cheers,
franzde

 

100% on the dot.

 

how old were you when you discovered you were bi?

 

I did it about 17. But recently I started to think I'm straight, girls are takingover my sexuality.

Don't worry.

 

why don't you just ask straight forward..? I just don't see a problem. I think most gay/bi men go through the exact same porblem on a daily bases.

 

...cuz they might be straight?

 

yeah, i see what you're getting at but people like us don't want to divulge in our confused sexuality because it could make your relationships friendships and acquaintances awkward...

 

far as I can tell most of us are pretty "straight acting" just cause you're gay or bi you have to be a stereotypical castro fag, popular stereotypes arent always true to life, Im pretty queer but I dont really "look" it (can if I really want to =P only if im out somewhere nice wit my man... haaa rare)

 

sure, i'm totally anti stereotype. i just don't get effeminate gays / bi's, nothing against them but i feel as though their over bearing and forcefully contradictory nature and lifestyle provokes ignorant straight people and makes them feel uncomfortable giving them the impression that we are all as annoyingly extrovert by association and giving all bi's and gays bad reputations even though there are those amongst us who come across as conventional people who just have different sexualities.

 

no offense intended by the way.

 

I went out with a real effeminate guy before, man that was terrible.

 

how so?

 

Hah, I know how you guys feel. I'm very unassuming when it comes to sexuality. Anyone who meets me thinks I'm straight, everyone who knows otherwise assumes I'm gay, and it's difficult to get people to believe you're bisexual when there's such a strong stigma against it.

All the gay friends think you're gay and just lying to yourself, all the straight friends think you're just trying to get attention.

 

then my straight friends realized bi's get laid twice as much, if not more.

 

I feel exactly the same way.