So it's been about 1 month exactly since I did lsd the first time and I'm perfectly fine really but I do have this recurring feeling that makes me anxious and nervous, at times a little depressed. It's hard to explain, of course, and it's hard for me to even recognize exactly what it is. But it has to do with, when I saw it all melt away. I was sitting there and literally, everything melted away into the black void, with the one infinitely bright light off in the distance. I then merged with that light. But the feeling that makes me anxious is it all falling away, it all dissolving. I don't know why this makes me anxious and it's not really a flashback, just a very clear memory. I get a tenseness up my spine when I remember it clearly. Like, the experience was ecstatic, but then I think it was so dissapointing to come back down and be stuck back into 3D reality. A part of me wants to stay up there in the ecstatic void for all eternity, which like I said, I can still kind of get the feeling back if I allow it (mediation), but not enough to get ALL the way back, I only get a hint of it and it makes me anxious. Like a part of me wants to be there and a part of me wants to be here. A part of me thinks to get into the void permanently I have to die. But then a part of me doesn't want to die at all. And for the past month I've kind of been on this back and forth between these two states. Where I think, if only I can meditate I can maintain the state of void, and be free from karmic cycles and there for eternity. But then I think, I have to die in order to do that and I get worried. Which brings out a part of me that always wants to have fun in the play of life and I fear the void. Because it seems to represent the opposite of life somewhere in me. And I think to the people who came before me. I'm reading Swami Vivekananda, about raja yoga and I think, if I do this yoga I can maintain that state, stay out of karmic cycles. But then I think to Timothy Leary, party till the end. And it feels like I got two sides in me I can't quite piece together in order to make them harminous. The want for excitement, more ecstatic moments and then the want for just peace and stillness. It seems as they they oppose each other. I can't tell if it's even possible to get them harminous at once, or if I have to do one, then the other? I don't know really. It feels like messy juggling back and forth right now. Maybe it's just need to get a better daily schedule worked out? Then I have this pecuilar feeling always that if, I'm not operating this 3D reality properly, then I'm gonna get sucked back into the void in order to review my actions. Which really hasn't happened, just I can feel it and it makes me anxious or nervous. So it makes me somewhat fearful to take full action on things. I guess though, you have to complete every cycle you start though? I dunno what exactly I'm asking for here other than, anyone else know this feeling?
You need to realize that having fun and playing with life IS the exact same thing as going into the void via meditation lol. Your just confusing yourself! Yoga is not about being serious and taking life seriously, its the complete opposite. Life, according to my perception and to those who wrote such practice as Raja Yoga, is nothing more than a cosmic dream. A motion picture on the backdrop of the veil of dualistic ether, if you will, vibrating from Love and manifesting as material substance. Existance is the condensation of God's energy and Love. And like a movie, you will become dettached from the scenes in which you yourself are taking part in. You are an actor in the Cosmic Drama Play (Lila) and to take it seriously would only be hurting yourself. Raja Yoga though comes to it's complete full splendor and bliss through Nirvikalpa Samadhi under the true disciplined practice of Kriya Yoga as taught by Krsna, Patanjali, and many many other sages. You know what would help you? Try reading 'The 2nd Coming of Christ : The Resurrection of the Christ Within You' by Yogananda Paramahansa. Trust me Namaste Family -
yes, I understand it at an intellectual level. I can clearly think and understand, the void is life, life is the void. But I can't quite feel it. When I think void, I see darkness, death. When I think life, I see this. well I can sort of feel it, holding the image of the yin yang symbol does seem to do something. I also feel that, I'll lose the feeling of them in unison if I don't focus on it. It doesn't seem to be unconsciously automatic for me. Or maybe should just stop thinking about that. But I also seem to have this association of not thinking = void. Thinking = life. ill try to track down that book, do you know anywhere there might be an ebook of it? I dont know if I have that much to spend on a book right now.
No, and it is pretty expensive, its like $60.00 I think. I can send you my copy when I finish with it. PM me your address if you'd like me to I dont know how to really explain it, but there is no actual void, and there is no actual life. Everything is emanated from the same Source, just focus your attention on that Love (I know the Absolute tends to be hard to grasp onto in meditation at first but it WILL come naturally) during your yoga and dyhana and it will soothe you naturally. The never ending, ever new Bliss will find its way to your soul, and you may just find yourself uncontrolably crying with happyness some orange morning. Good luck ry.
when you say focus on that love I think, focus on the heart chakra or rather thats sort of what just happens, I feel something there is that hows its like for you?
Well not exactly, and I'll explain why. I used to focus my meditation almost exclusivley on my chakra system, though I never used the various chants to stir prana into a proper flow. I know that certain tones and vibrations can cause the desired effect of channeling energy where it is needed throughout the astral/spinal system, but I pretty much have given up on them in the sense of localization and individual approaches. Not saying that I've mastered my balance and my chakras are in tune, I still subconsiousley lust after girls when I get up close and I still have the pull towards my addictions. So I know my lower chakras need to be revitalized and worked over and through. For me, the love sensation has only cuased me pain in the heart chakra area, not joy, nor warmth. Only pain. Since a child I was naturally pained by feelings of immense empathy, and I had always wondered "Mommy, what is wrong with me? Why does my heart hurt?" But as I grew older I came to realize that this was speacial and that I should be thanking God for the ability to perceive other people's pain, as individuals and as groups. Another natural gift I was given was the fleeting glimpses of the inner workings of the 3rd Eye chakra, the intuitive perception. When taking LSD or Magic Musrhooms, ALWAYS before the effects started seeping in, I would start to see neon spots bubbling out of the point where my immediate dulaistic pathways of vision come together. The spots are like atom blossoms growing out and manifesting into different patters, fractals, energies and waves. But I have learned that this is only the beginning, I have yet to 'step through' so to speak, the door way leading into Divine Perception, ie the Mind of God. But in my case, I was blessed with receiving the deeksha now twice by a most beautiful illumined saint (in my opinion), who actually if I can afford a train ticket I am joining in a Transmission Meditation group toinght in center city Philadelphia. Wise words came from him when I was told that the path to moksha does not have to consist of chakra meditation, chanting, worship or any other sort of spiritual rituals. It comes directly from Divine Love. So, I've devised my OWN form of sadhana, sending loving vibrations directly to the Source and asking for energy in return in order to spread it around and share with other people, in hopes of helping them make their own path to touch the same fountain of endless bliss. I cant remain in samadhi, Im not going to make myself appear as a master or guru lol, but I have without a doubt attained samadhi many many times, and with each encounter it gets BETTER. And there is not signs of stopping in sight. The divine Love of God grows stronger and deeper with every moment of meditation, and all I need do is sit on the floor, close my eyes, and exist. The love literally radiates out of my Soul and I know that the energy is coming back. That is why I am so excited for this transmission meditation If my mind is complteley restless, I still use my japa mala to pray the maha mantra, but other than that I just go to God directly and have been having wonderful results
now that i think about it.. i saw the void a little bit on acid.. or maybe it was just a glimpse of ego death.. it was odd though. i'll have to go further next time because a dose of only 2 hits made me pretty anxious afterwards. it scared me more than taught me.
branflakes, I would say the same too although, being scared shitless can be one of the most valuable learning experiences Although, I wasn't so scared at all on it. Just the anxious feelings afterwards from the clear memory. But talking about here actually seems to help. Just see the void in everything, then everything in the void. Union with love.
