I Feel Like I Messed Up My Entire Life

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Hey Erik.. I may be younger than you.. but I know what thats like... There is a LOT of things I regret... it's been over a year since I last touched cocaine and crack.. about a year for heroin.. I look back and I feel disgust, regret, shame..but.. the only thing that stops it is for me to preoccupy my mind with the positive future events or present events. Everyone has guilt and regret in their life.. but the key is to not dwell on it, and convince yourself that you're ready to let go of your baggage

 

Ok, thanks rotag... that makes total sense. Sometimes I just need to be reminded of it, when the feelings get too overwhelming. Thanks.

 

My fiance's been through a lot, especially within the last month. He was hospitalized, then I was, he moved with his sister to stay away from his parents, his sister's house burnt down so he HAD to live with his parents, they kicked him out and put him back into the hospital, and he just moved into a halfway house for vets. I don't know what I would do in his situation. He looks forward to when will be married, and that is what keeps him going. It can be really hard when you can't see any reason to live, but you must find those reasons. That will help you through the darkest days. Look for a reason and you will find dozens.

Peace and love

 

I will certainly try.


It's either that or become a serial killer, and that's not me. lol

 

All the hopes and goals I had were smashed when people I trusted pulled the rug out from under me so many times, that I got angry and started doing it to myself. Sometimes I hate those people. They will probably never know the damage they helped cause by their treachery, and they wouldn't really care if they did. I didn't realize the world was populated by so many evil people. My view of human nature is poisoned now.

 

I understand that, mine was too after I got away from a bad group of people. I was manic and they actually talked about me in front of me! I was in such a bad state of mind that I didn't know what was real and what wasn't. As time goes by, you will meet good people who care b/c they do exist! Sometimes when we are surrounded by shitty people, it seems like that's how everyone is. I can assure you that there are still good people out there!

Peace and love

 

Nothing matters but the present moment. Nothing matters but the clay that is in your hand today.

Do not dwell upon your "mistakes". They're not really mistakes, they're lessons. And that is how they should be seen. Everything you go through in life is ultimately to your benefit. You must choose the wisely how the lessons will arrive to you.



x

 

Xexon has it.

Also let yourself off the hook.

I like to do this: http://www.buddhanet.net/metta_vp.htm

Loving Meditation. Try it , it might grow on you.

 

Fundamentalist Christians messed me up... just kept telling me what to do... they helped kill my soul. I'm a free spirit... not a church pew bound sheeple.

 

I just realized yesterday that a close confidant of mine as a child is almost solely responsible for sending me down a spiral of bullshit that puts me on the same on the same boat as you. it's really hard bouncing back from basically nothing as I am learning. I really know how it feels to get knocked down so often by so many people that it just feels natural so you find ways to sabotage yourself. i've been living that for at least the past three years. It's sort of hard to tell when they stopped and when i started though.

 

I understand my friend. I understand.

Ever listen to Bob Marley?

 

Bob Marley was a great guy.