I wanna believe, i really do, but....kinda rambles.

All i'm looking for is some different views and maybe a little advice. I grew up Catholic until i was 9 when my Dad died in a freak, never happen again in a thousand years kind of accident. At that point we suddenly quit going to church. (i think my mom was angry also at this time) I spent from 9 to 13 with basically no male figure in my life and the one i had before that was a distant at best. I got a stepdad when i was 13. He was a great guy and meant nothing but the best but i fought it tooth and nail. My mother did her best but i was pretty cynical and angry by the time my stepdad came into the picture. I lost him over last winter. Over the years i have been to every type of treatment known to man. Even a lock down psych unit when i was barely 18. My upbringing was dysfunctional at best. I have lost any faith in anything over the years and now i find myself at 41 a very angry, negative and unsocial guy and i HATE IT!!! But i can't seem to "right the ship" so to speak. I have a sister who is a hardcore born again but to me it seems kinda odd that she went from "party hardy" to the complete other end of the spectrum. Hell, i used to get drugs from her when i was young. I find it hard to talk to her about anything because her only answer to anything is God. I tried some 1 on 1 therapy recently but i just didn't feel like it was doing anything. I look around at todays world and just find it hard to believe that any kind of loving, caring entity exists. On the other hand i find it hard to believe that this is all just random, ya know? Any suggestions would be appreciated. This mind set i'm stuck in is not where i want to be but i just can't seem to break it.

Thanks, Tim

 

Hi Tim, I don't know how to give advice anymore. Anyway, I hope things go well for you.

 

Thanks, it's funny. I have a hard time talking about this stuff face to face but i can spill my guts on an open forum. :huh:

 

I'm different . . .

I don't know if my "advice" is worth anything but, if I can help . . .

Sorry for your loss.

In very bad times and in very good times, I remind myself that it won't always be like this. It has become something of a mantra for me - It won't always be like this.

Whatever the condition of your faith, whatever you happen to believe in (religion, science, art, music, politics, the environment, business, economics, etc.,), all of it makes a lot more sense if you think about it in terms of relationships.

Most of the great concepts of religion are actually models of transcendent relationships - The Golden Rule (Do unto others as you would have them do unto you), the Law of Karma, Sacrifice, Benevolence, Peace, Love, Truth, Wisdom, Mercy, Compassion, Harmony, Unity, etc. all of these are ideals that can only be realized through one's relationships.

The fundamental principles of science are defined by relationships. Atomic composition, gravity, chemistry, evolution, cell biology, behavioral science, etc. all of these phenomena are best understood as expressions of relationships between one "thing," or entity, and another.

In the arts . . . the building blocks of every form - music, painting, literature, film, dance, etc., are definable in terms of relationships - harmony, rhythm, melody, metaphor, composition, etc.

So, if there is any meaning to any of this, it is to be more conscious of your relationships - with your fellow humans, with your ideals, with your environment, with your inspiration, with everything - and do what you can to make them better, healthier, more benevolent, forgiving, creative. It may take some effort initially, but it gets a lot easier the more you do it, and it is, ultimately, orders of magnitude easier than letting one's relationships be controlled by bitterness, fear, anger, hatred, and meaningless, hopeless despair.

Think about the people who are generally regarded as villians - Hitler, Stalin, Idi Amin, Osama, Saddam, Manson, Dahmer, (and, at the risk of offending the unenlightened, I have to argue that Bush, Cheney, Rove and Rumsfeld will one day be seen as earning a place on this list) - the "evils" associated with these people are best understood in terms of relationships violated.

Inversely, the heroes - Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., The Rebbe M.M. Schneerson, Jesus, Buddha, and so on - study any of their teachings and you realize each one of these master offered ways, transcendent ways, of restoring those primal relationships that are the essence of the good life.

Please, consider your existential unease in terms of your relationships. And, please, let me know if it helps.

Peace and Love

 

you should try zen and cosmic thinking

http://take-note.com/session0000.htm

it can be confusing....but it really blows your mind and makes you think,

wich is rare in todays world

 

there is much that i, or anyone, is able to experience and feel, without having to pretend to know what is not known. this is partially because nothing has to be known in order to exist.

by all means those who claim to know what is not known are rightfully unconvincing. and this probably includes every priesthood of every kind there has ever been.

but this need not shut anyone out from accepting the reality of the possibility to feel and experience what is not known.

=^^=
.../\...

 

why do you need to believe?

 

Hi, Tim. I think it might be out of place for me to be giving spiritual advice to an "Old Guy". I'd like instead to add my support to the rest. One thing I did notice in your post was a kind of "either-or" conception of spirituality: either you remain an angry, negative, anti-social guy or you become a religious zealot like your sister. You can be as friendly, postive, and sociable as you want. It might help to think of it as a matter of degree, and take it "one day at a time." If you want to do it, what's stopping you? You don't have to wait for some angel to appear to you and tell you what to do. Just be kind to someone, reach out to someone, join a group, volunteer for a worthy cause, etc. And if you want religion, find some that seem positive and cautiously explore. I have a feeling your outlook will change.