Self induced constipation (Story of my problem! Lots of text!)

Well...OK. This is a very difficult issue for me to speak about so I would greatly appreciate it if you can not insult me for what I do. It is infact a psychological condition and it is a habit that I cannot break from. Thank you in advance.

Ok, so it all started when I was about....5 or 6. I remember when it was when I lived back in Moray in good ol' Scotland when I first experienced the nightmare which would consume my life.

I clearly recall I was leading a happy life until one fateful day at school when I decided to go to the toilet. So, I waltzed into the toilet cubical to have a poo and it was relatively big so inevitably it blocked the toilet. (Bear in mind of course that these toilets are made for children so the little hole at the bottom where the poo flows under is undoubtedly smaller.) I remember getting really worried, thinking to myself that the school was going to flood if I did not inform anybody what I had done. So I ran out and remember distinctly calling out "HELP! HELP!" hehe, when an assistant teacher came to my aid. I told her of what I had done and then I remember she began to shout at me and tell me how idiotic I was that I would do such a thing. I pleaded my case but she did not listen. "No excuses! Not now! Not after what you have put the school throug!". Those words were burned into my mind and is an exact quote of what she said. Of course, more was said, but little did I realise the dangers I would put myself through in the future...

...So, after returning home from being shouted at school, I just shunned aside the fact of what had happened. Until...until I had to go to the toilet for a poo again. I thought about it long and hard and thinking. "No way. Definitely not" So it was from then on I decided never to go for a poo until I definitely needed it. And, it was from then on, until even now, that I have begin to hold my poos in and avoid going for them at all costs.

Of course, my parents finally found out after questionning that they had not heard or seen me go to the toilet for a long period of time. It was then I had to spill the beans about what had happened at school and what torture I was putting myself through. Thankfully, because of my parents nature, they understood what I was going through and did not hold it against me. However, they knew I could not go on my own so they had to install a lock on the outside toilet door and send me into the toilet every day to go for a poo. And only after I had gone would they allow me to leave...

...It didn't work...

...After a wee while of doing what they instructed they finally concluded that my problem had been sorted out. But how wrong they could be!? As I grew older, and began to accept my problem as a natural way of life, I took it on as something which was normal to myself and meant nothing. But, because of my carelessness I decided to up the amount of time in which I would go for a poo. Firstly it started from about 3-4 days. And then after that amount of time I then thought, "Meh, one more day won't hurt." and then it went on like that after each day. It then preceded to move onto two weeks without pooing and then three. But, the most unbelievable part of my story is how I avoided going to the toilet for a poo for FOUR WEEKS AND THREE DAYS.



Yes, it's correct. Call me a liar but so long as I know what I have done it doesn't matter. It is all true...



So, I vowed from that moment on that I would NEVER do what I had done again and avoid it all together. And I did! But, more problems arose which I never expected to see. I began to get gut clenching pains in my stomach which felt like EXTREME hunger. More pain than anyone could understand. I always put it down to the fact that I was hungry but, after it occuring over and over again, I knew I had to go to the doctor.

I informed my Dad who then took me to the Doctor nearby. I told him of what I had done in the past and he diagnosed what problem I had. Unfortunately I cannot remember the name he gave it but basically, because my poos had grown so big inside of me, it had basically ripped my colon to shreds, thus the pain i was experiencing. Luckily he had a remedy! Pills! Giant pills which I had to swallow at every meal for 2 months! Lucky Lucky me(!) It did the trick though! No more pain and no more pills! It was a relief! It was all over! Or so I thought...

A year later after visiting my Gran's house I started up again (I hate going for a poo in other's houses so I had no choice but to start again) and thats where it has led to now! Now, my life is officially ruined! I have often avoided going out because keeping a poo within you for a week is most unnatural and definitely brings your mood down! Currently, I have mood swings. One moment I may be over the moon. Then the next I may speak of grim issues and be completely down. I have often thought that I may have another condition for that. But I am not sure....


So yeah...that's my horrid story that has totally destroyed my life and apparently it increases the risk of bowel cancer greatly if anybody does this. But I cannot stop. It is an addiction. A habit. A way of life for me. It has become so natural that I don't even think about it anymore. I just have to preform my weekly ritual and then wait for the next. It's my own personal routine...

Now, if anyone is going through the same problem as me (I doubt it but you never know) THEN STOP! You may already know the problems it will cause but when you hit them, you have no idea how much it can alter your life! Stop if you can and break the addiction. It is not quality living!

Now then! If anyone has braved the ladder of text and read my life story then feel free to ask any questions related to this or anything else! My mind is so open so do not be afraid to ask even the rudest things. I will answer them! Thank you for reading my story so patiently and remember, please keep all insults to yourself. It will be greatly appreciated. Thank you

-Just_Curious-

 

Dude, the feeling of taking a big long poo feels so frickin' good. Don't you miss that feeling?

 

i've never heard of such a thing. thats really.....different. but i know how things you experience as a child can really fuck you up, i can empathize. i have a sort of obsession with my weight that i think may partially stem from my grandmother always calling me "pudgy" "fat" and "thunder-thighs" as a child. but my issue is nothing compared to yours. that really sucks. im sorry.

 

Thank you for being very understanding. Thankfully things are improving. At the minute I tend to go every 4 days so it has been a definite improvement. Luckily I have never had to deal with weight issues from my grandparents but I just hope you get over it!

And in reply to enjoying long ol' poos, haha! On the contrary, I cannot stand it! I dread every single moment of it! I just know one day something different will happen when I go so I am still holding onto that belief :'(

 

I have seemed to have found quite an interesting article on the Internet about Manic Depression/Bipolar Disorder and am beginning to believe that I may have it... Take a look if you want...


http://www.allaboutlifechallenges.org/manic-depression-symptoms-faq.htm


Now, I tend to have about 80-90% of these symptoms during my mood swings and I often feel that there is absolutely no need to sleep at all. I feel like I can just stay awake the whole night and not know that anything is wrong. Now, this is of course ery skeptical but for the past couple of years it has been occuring.

I am extremely irritable
I have got a very high sexual drive lol
I have got virtually everything there even in the depression part.

If somebody else knows any other conditions where no sleep, hyperactivity and depression occurs, and extreme self belief takes place then please share some information with me. I am really beginning to grow increasingly concerned about this and I just want some help...Thank you

 

When I was young, about 10-12 years old, when I was feeling that I had to take a dump, for no reason, I was just holding it up and I was going at the bathroom 2 hours later. I don't know why I was doing this but luckily this problem has went away. What you have is bad, I think you should seek help.

 

Just Curious,

Your sig seems to capture my state of being almost perfectly.

How does one break out of such states of being?

Thank you,

Erik D.

 

I am afraid I cannot give you that answer...

You see, sometimes when i break into my other personality I have all of them. The picture of the guy is also like that so you can see why I chose that picture too. But, I would love to offer you some help but im afraid I cannot. Please forgive me.

At the moment, I have begun to break out of "unforgiving" but it has taken me a lot of time to change that.

Sorry I cannot really help you. Hopefully over time you will find you begin to break from these. I don't know...


And FormerTechno. I cannot tell you how much I would love to seek help, but I fear the consequences. Some things are just better left unknown I feel. I dont want to go to a Doctor or psychologist (yes, I have been threatened to go to one) and then find out that there is something much more complex with me. It's just too hard and I feel totally alone in all of this. I mean, has anyone EVER not gone for a crap for 4 weeks? Its just unheard of! I doubt there would be any diagnosis for what is wrong with me and I know no expert can break me from my habits.

I want to be an independant in all of this. There is no way I would seek help from someone I don't know, to tell me why I am doing this because at the end of the day, I know myself the best and no flimsy Doc or Psychologist is going to fix me. Plus, I fear an enema or taking those dreaded pills again...*sigh* ugh, well I feel my health is improving but I am still paranoid. Meh, one day I will be right as rain...I hope

 

JustCurious,

Interestingly enough, I'm also coming out of this unforgiveness phase (though not too successfully), so perhaps that is part of it. It's like half of me is good, happy and loving, and the other half of me is bad, angry and hateful. Very strange.

Rock on.

Erik

 

Your reasons for not seeing a doctor are weak. Not thick enough man...get your ass to a doctor

 

Hey first off I want to let you know that I'm not being grossed out at all. I deal with shit all the time being a nurse.

Let me say this: it sounds like a control issue. Fear of being out of control, fear of letting go, allowing...

That situation of the "Elder" shaming you, really did a trip on your vulnerable state self. We all have felt/do feel vulnerable taking a crap in a public, not safe zone place.

practicing is the key to desensitize that shaming experience. Become proactive/positive. Do things that desensitize you about letting go, being in control, having the power, making a mess, stinking it up...

whatever it is that associate poo-ing with.

That IS when a life coach or a counselor can help you get more clear.

Health-wise, you don't don't want to have to poo into a bag attached to your tummy (ostomy bag) do ya? You have the tools to get it worked out.

THese personality traits that you were talking about.

"I am extremely irritable
I have got a very high sexual drive lol
I have got virtually everything there even in the depression part."

THese are NORMAL for your age group. Not to invalidate your INTENSITY. I myself was extremely intense, to a fault.

I'm serious about it. YOU ARE OKAY.

Physiologically what you are doin' is NOT OKAY. To tell you the truth, it's comparable to anorexia/bulimia.

Also, have you heard of fecal impaction, sepsis and DEATH? Yes my Brother, it's time to reorganize things...

get some professional guidance. I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!

 

Great post. Take the advice my friend. You'll soon be glad you did. You can do it bro

 

Haha cheers salmon4me! Obviously I am a very "weak" person when looking for excuses eh? Nah, in all seriousness I am thinking about it!

And Erik D, I can totally relate with you. One side of me is most helpful, kind, loving and all that, but my other side is a complete prick with a strong sense of arrogancy and injustice - if you get what I mean?

I think that being unforgiving is simply the easiest to come out of and the one which people try to change most. Of course that is just an assumption but it may be true...

 

Hehe thank you Succulentflower.

I do indeed know about the death issue and that bag which has to be attached to the body. Kinda sucks...I never really thought about my issues being serious and comparable to anorexia! That's shocking!

The thing I fear the most though is having a relationship with either a guy or girl when I am older...It must be impossible! When they find out I bet they would freak! But then again it is debatable that they are not your true love.

I have never heard of "sepsis". Please can you explain what it means? Thank you very much.

 

I know you said in a previous post that you are afraid of getting an enema, but I think you should try going for a colonic (which is similar but not the same thing). One or two would probably help you to go normally.

I'm really sorry about your problem.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sepsis

hope you get into proactive health, you are not immortal (well your body anyway)