Please help! Need Advice, Husband or Boyfriend!?

Pappys4angels · Nov 1, 2007

:spam: ?

Allonym · Nov 1, 2007

Pappys4angels said:

I use to be on a different name, but i been on hip forums for a long time, so im not a newbee...but i need advice on something that has been going on for a long time now, so please give me honest answers no matter how hard they are..

I been with my husband for 4 years now, well we have been together now for 4 years , married for 6 month's, we got married april 1st of this year.
We have 2 children togehter, and i have 2 older children from a prior relationship, this is my first marriage.
anyhow, me and my husband have had nothing but problems in our relationship in the last 2 years, at least, and in the last year it started to become semi-physical, where we have started beating up on each other.
Now dont get me wrong, we dont hurt each other, or have put each other in the hospital, but we have come close...we have stopped or walked away before it got to that point.
My husband pushes me away, emotionaly, and mentally, and has been for the last 4 years, i am a very emotional person, and i love to kiss and hug and all that, my husband isnt that way, and i cant believe i put up with it for this long, maybe i figered i would change him and it backfired? Not sure.
Our sex life is almost non exsistent, my love for him just isnt there anymore.

He is who he is and thats it...he comes from a bad past where his mother left him and he was raised in the foster care system so he has alot of anger inside him, and take's it out on everyone. Including his own children sometimes.!

So why did we get married? Well we thought and i thought, it would bring us closer together, and bring us stubility, but we were wrong. We did it for our kids, so they would have a stable life, with both a married mom and dad.
good intentions, bad choice.

Now , getting to my point. I have been seeing someone on the side for about 9 months now, and what started out as just a friend, has turned into a full blown afair, where i really love and care for this person, and this person loves and care's for me. and nether one of us ever thought it would turn out this way. He is married as well but in the process of getting a divoce, he has 3 little boys, im married as well, and have 4 children of my own, and he is willing to accept that, and everything that would include.
NOW over the last couple of months, i have been playing with the thought of calling it quits with my husband, to be with this other person.

But before you jump to judgement, weather this person would be in the picture or not, i would still be thinking about leaving my husband, cause i been thinking about it for longer then i have known this person.
In a way i guess you can say, i wanted to leave, i just needed a reason.
Im honest, and ill just lay it all out. Honesty is the best policy.
My husband knows about my afair, but wants to work it out,
i dont think i love my husband anymore, or maybe not as much as i use to

i dont believe my husband when he says he wants to work it out even though i would love to believe him, i dont trust him, i believe in my heart, its just another way of keeping me here, and in the weeks to come he will turn into his same old self like he has before...
He is sweet and nice for the first couple weeks, then he turns back to that nasty ,misriable man, i have come to know.

This other person is my heart and soul , i love him to death, i cant stop looking at him, we go out together, talk for hours, talk about our kids, our pasts, you name it we talk about it, i feel complete when i am with him, at one time i thought it was just a crush, or lust, but as time has gone on, i have come to find out its NOT lust and its more then a crush, I LOVE THIS MAN. and i want to start a life with him, but is it right?
or should i work things out with my husband? yET AGAIN?

i want to make the right decision, not only for myself, but for my kids..
they are more importent to me, then anything.
me and my husband do agree if we would seperate, that we would split everything down the middle, i would keep the house, and the kids full time, and he would help out with kids things, and we would keep everything out of the court, we would deal with it as adults....which is what we agreed when we first got together. So im not worried about that. But i guess its a matter of whats right and whats wrong?
My husband has said, if it doesnt work out between me and his other person
"there will be no coming back to him" or making up, but
I just want to be happy, and i dont want to hurt anyone in the processs....what should i do?
Click to expand...

it sounds liek you do not want things to work out with your husband

but the intensity with which you speak about your boyfriend makes me wonder if its infatuation or a case of "greener grass" as it were

eitehr way it sounds like you and your husband need to sepearate - neither of you respects the other. adn that kind of relationship will only damage your kids further, rather than takign a step back and tryign to behave amicably with one aonther. perhaps try just a separation - not a divorce, with him not living at home to see how that works out. if that happens, put your relationship with your boyfriend on pause, that is, do not rely on someone else to fix the situation or to make you feel better, see what its like to be on your own and have a little space between you and your husband

you say youd be contemplating leaving even if you didnt have a piece on the side, and while that may be true its much easier for you to contemplate leavin ghim when you already have another relationship secured and in place.

Marija · Nov 1, 2007

I don't understand why you got maried in the first place. It was obvious a stypid decision because you was already seeing an other person, and you should have know that marriages that are just for the kids don't usualy work out.
I think that before you do anything you should really figure out what do youreally want in your life.
peace

Pappys4angels · Nov 16, 2007

yeah it was pretty stupid on my part, but we got married for all the wrong reasons, and i understand that now, its where do i go from here. and i know only i can aswer that question...

imaginepeace · Nov 16, 2007

Please Please dont stay together for the kids!!!! kids dont deserve to have to watch you fight and hate each other. My mom regrets not leaving my dad when we were little and my little brother hadent turned into a women hating image of him. Get your children away from the bad situation not force yourself and them to stay in it.

Pappys4angels · Nov 20, 2007

thank's i agree, but i just hope im making the right decisons, i just hope....

I want to be with this other person so bad, and i love him so much, i just am so afriad to move on again...

Log in or Sign up

Please help! Need Advice, Husband or Boyfriend!?

Pappys4angels Member

Allonym cheesecake slut

Marija Senior Member

Pappys4angels Member

imaginepeace Livin' the Dream

Pappys4angels Member

Share This Page

Log in or Sign up

Please help! Need Advice, Husband or Boyfriend!?

Pappys4angels Member

Allonym cheesecake slut

Marija Senior Member

Pappys4angels Member

imaginepeace Livin' the Dream

Pappys4angels Member

Share This Page

Useful Searches