difficult question....

hello there...well...this is something that has been really bothering me for a while now...and i hope someone can help....

a few months ago, i broke up with a long term partner, who in turn gave me a lot of hastle i.e stalking me, and abusive messages. and it messed me up a bit. so i decided to have a friend of mine over, who i hoped would be good company and cheer me up.

however this 'friend' of mine bought alcohol with him, and he kept putting it in my drink, which i tried to avoid drinking, but, i was being pressured slightly. so, i was drunk, and he wasnt. and i ended up sleeping with him, but becuase of my state of mind, i didnt know if i wanted to or not. at first i wanted to, but then i didnt, and i was too drunk, and scared to say anything about it. he was really rough with me, and i was covered in bruises. after he was done i felt physically sick, and i passed out, the next morning i was horrified, and since then i have felt like he's leeched onto my skin... so i guess, what i wanted to know was...was i raped..or was it my own fault?

it makes me feel really bad that i did that...because i feel like ive given a part of my body away that i cant get back

still....please lemme know if you can help x x x

 

it wasnt your fault at all. you were raped though, and you know it. he took advantage of you, and he had this all planned out from the moment you invited him over. if you have any guy friends who are trustworthy and good people, you should tell them (if you feel comfortable) and they'll probably go beat the shit out of him. i'm all about equality for women, but sometimes when it comes to physical things we need a man to help us out.

 

Nah a girl can beat the shit out of him... obviously he's a fucking wuss. You were raped. Don't feel like its your fault. They pressured you and used drugs to take advantage of you. Fuck that guy, get him out of your life... and definitely tell someone you trust.

 

I have a terrible sexual abuse history and you were raped.

If I were you, I'd file charges because he forced you to drink and he forced you to have sex and I'm assuming you still have the bruises to prove it.

If you file charges, you will be sent for a physical and they will look for DNA-I know this sounds gross, but try not to shower today...and if you do, don't wipe the area much so they can find his DNA.

 

oh i know theres plenty of girls out there who could fuck a guy up, but generally dudes are stronger...at least in my experience.

 

You are a 17 year old girl who has been stalked by one guy and raped by another.
Fixing this is beyond your abilites. (Having him beaten up will not fix your hurt.) Talk to your parents or call a rape crisis line.

 

hon, alcohol impairs you. under the influence, you aren't clear enough to give consent by law.(trust me, i have tons of booklets on this for personal reasons).
you were raped,unfortunately-if the bruises are still fresh, it'd help a lot more to be able to have physicl evidence.
still, go to the dr., get checked, and go to the police. and like mkeE said, call a rape hotline. they help SO much, if you're nervous they'll help you through it.
<3

 

hi...i just wanted to say thankyou for all of your replies. i've been a little bit out of it recently. just, thankyou so much for not juding me, as i have been terriefied people will, i have spoken to my mother about it. and she asked to to go to the police, but i really couldnt, i think personally, i would rather try and srt myself out, and become who i was again.

i did however go to my doctor, and i asked him for an STD test, and it turns out, he gave me herpes, so it was another crushing blow, to think that he infected me with somethimg that will never go away.

i'm getting a little bit better every day, i mean, it is hard, i have flashbacks, and i can stand anyone touching me, but i'm getting it out of the way, by painting, and taking pictures like i used to before my ex started stalking me.

so, once again. i really cant thank you enough x x x x xamanda

 

(hug)

 

I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I've been through almost the same thing, so I do understand. My only advice would be that you find someone that you really trust to talk to..whether it be a good friend or a therapist. Get all of your feeling out and cry if you need to! It can take a long take to get over trauma like you've been through.

I'll be thinking about you, please keep us updated on how you're doing.

 

Most people are pleased that the OP has found help for her pain. You seem to feel that explaining in detail her mistakes was a benificial addition to the discussion. As Mad Magazine once said, "Fuck you, very much!"

 

Blaming a rape victim for her being attacked should only be done by a professional counselor if one wants the message to be heard as helpful advice rather than blame.

 

inviting someone over does not give them the right drug and rape the inviter.

 

She said "no". She doesn't need to be walking in an alley to mean "NO".

It is right that most other posters didn't question the truth of the post. For my part, I thought that erring on the side of being gentle was better than interogating a scared (possibly scarred) teen to arrive at an accurate picture of the events.

I thought we got rid of the "she led him on", "her skirt was short", "he was drunk", "where was her man", "she's a slut", "don't want to damage his reputation" crap that kept women from reporting rapes. Because of that kind of thing, some famous feminist twit couldn't tell the difference between rape and marriage.

 

That attitude would be commendable in a jury room. But the accused isn't available to be tried. The only person that is available for us to judge is a hurt girl. I don't think she should be put on trial.

As to the educational merits of these observations, I hope that any third party reading this thread takes away the lesson that people's first reaction to someone in pain is to help.

 

I am so sorry honey. *hugs you tight*

But listen - I think you need to talk to your mother about going to the police. Honestly, you are a minor - so you just have to sit down and talk to a female police officer and tell her what happened to you - all the details.

This could really help save someone else who might be raped/taken advantaged of by this same guy. The same guy could give someone else herpes. I think you might feel really GOOD about yourself if you look inside and realize that you have so much power and strength not to let this break you and what he did have any ownership over your honesty, compassion for others, and spirit.

Even if you aren't ready for it, it's best to do what your parents feel is right for you here in this situation. Let them take care of your mental health and well-being for awhile sweetie. They want to, and it's because they love and care about you. It's okay to let someone that loves you take care of you for a little while, alright?

Best wishes in your health and happiness.

 

So... you don't think she should talk to police???

 

Fuck. Took you long enough to post your advice on what actions she should take.

The guy doesn't have to be charged with rape if she goes to the police, and most likely he won't be.

But thanks for posting all that crap about who to blame before you finally gave the OP some advice about who to talk to. Genius, you is.

 

We've gathered that you are slow to think, yes.

Crown Counsel? Who said this young girl was from a CommonWealth country and bound by Crown laws? Are you afraid this young boy may in fact be charged by law professionals or something? What if the young boy is guilty of rape? You can't tell her what happened to her. Sorry if you wish you could, but you can't. Jerkface.

Ummm... yeah, all the more reason for this girl to seek out help. Her life we're talking about here.

Maybe it would help to talk to the police about the said responsibility.

Eh. Now you're just patronizing me.

 

The OP was not a request from parents asking for help in giving their daughter a "talking to".