This is kind of a dual thread: A while ago at a party I was hooking up with this girl, and now I can tell she wants to go a little farther with me. I was drunk, and it was just for fun, but now it's obvious that she wants to go farther and I don't want to. I'm not out to anyone because I'm not ready for that, and that's the problem because everyone knows about this girl and me and she's pretty attractive so I feel pressured to do it anyway. It sucks because not doing it will probably end up outing me, and again, I don't feel like I'm ready for that because I don't want my life to change, and I don't want any of my friends to ditch me. I'm already extremely depressed over it. This is especially true for my best friend who I would do ANYTHING for. I can honestly say I have never loved anyone or anything more, and I know he doesn't know about me because I really don't show any signs. There is nothing worse in the world than loving someone and not being loved back. Nothing else makes me happier, and I'm afraid I'll never feel that way about anyone else. I just want to forget. Sorry this was so long, I just have a lot on my mind and I need to put it somewhere.
If I was in your shoes I would simply say that she wasn't my type and leave it at that. As for the second part about your friend, I had a similar experience. I came out to my friend and waited. He was cool with it and we became closer as friends but nothing more than that. Eventually he met some girl and although it was kind of a downer, I was able to break free and actually think about someone else for a change. We are still best buds and I'd still do anything for the guy but my interests have changed to some other guy. I guess that really wasn't what you wanted to hear but that's how it went for me. Maybe if you ever decide to come out, your friend will feel more comfortable "starting something" once you've broken the ice a bit. Or nothing will happen and you'll likely be good friends and hopefully you'll find it easier to move on. Good luck and don't do anything with the girl if it's not something you want to do.
Sure, there is peer pressure everywhere. The thing that separates mature dudes from kids is being able to withstand any pressure. What you do or do not do with that girl is purely for you and her to decide and friends, good as they may be, have no say in that. It is your sex and your life, so you decide. Coming out to your friend may be more counterproductive than you can see at the moment. You are a young guy and coming out may have far-reaching consequnces. Once you make that step, there is no way back anymore. How about putting out some feelers in term of being willing to experiment a bit with your best friend. Would he be open to the idea? Make sure that he understands that no matter what happens, it all always stays between the two of you, no matter what. You are not the dude to kiss and tell, rite? KD
