k, so the logical place to begin is the beginning... When I was 16 I had a relationship with a girl that lasted around a year. We fell very hard for each other, and stuck together and stuff through all kinds of parental and religious trouble. However, eventually, I experienced this deep gut feeling that this wasn't going to be right, that maybe, I didn't really love/like her anymore...either way, the relationship ended. That break up was super hard on me, for three months (during exams) I was sleeping less than three hours every night. But I had a friend, another female, who really helped me through it and stuff. So, a few months after the breakup, my best friend who had helped me out admitted that she liked me, and I thought I liked her, so we dated for a couple weeks. But that gut feeling came raging back; that I was just BSing all my feelings and such. So, not wanting to stick with it, and hurt her later down the road, I ended the relationship. Three years later, she and I are still best friends. We do everything together, spend all of our free time together, know absolutely everything about each other. I'm really close with her family (both immediate and extended) and have stayed with them on trips and stuff. So then, a couple of weeks ago, I was thinking maybe I liked her again. We're at different universities (while still in the same city) and the distance between us just made us realize how much we really depended on each other. As well, she had a crush on a guy, that almost developed into a relationship. For some reason, I was really upset about that. I managed to get over it, but I was just really depressed and stuff cause it seemed like I was going to lose my best friend. In the end, that didn't work out...and it was really hard on her (not int he sense that she didn't want to lose him, he just ended up self-mutilating to attempt to keep her) and I helped her through that and stuff. Anyways, so, we ended up talking about that, and what we wanted. Now, this is the truth, I want her more than anyone int he world, I would give absolutely anything to fall madly in love with her, and be with her for forever. She is actually perfect for me, physically, I think she's absolutely gorgeous, she's smart, funny, caring, has loads of endearing qualities and quirky traits that can't be found in anything else. We match up perfectly on nearly everything, and what we don't, we can at least compromise. Anyhow, so, I sort of...admitted that to her, and she said she felt the same. But the thing is, while it is what I want more than anything, that gut feeling came back. That maybe I don't love her. In fact, at times, it makes me certain that I don't. But at other times, I am very much sure I do. And I think I'm a little thrown off because I didn't have a wild "crush" with her, and for some reason that seems to be important. But I don't know. So yeah, we talked a bunch, and we just couldn't understand why I wanted it so much, yet I am hung up by this feeling that I can't quite place. But I know it's damaging and intimidating. So we resolved to do nothing for now, to maybe just see how things go. The optimistic part of me is just that, optimistic, but the naggy, gut feeling is certain that nothing will ever happen. And that hurts SO much. And it makes me think that there is something there, but then the feeling comes back and I don't know again... So yeah...I don't really know what's going on, I just totally don't understand all of this at all. Any help would be greatly appreciated...
It sounds like that feeling is self-defeating and you're sabotaging any relationship that you have. I couldn't tell you why, but that's how it sounds from your description. Maybe you should look google "sabotage relationships" and see if it sounds like your situation. Peace and love
Well...hmm. That is a possibility, but the characteristics of sabotage relationships I found didn't really match up...like, fear of commitment, fear of letting someone get close to you, those don't pertain tho this. I think my fear is that my feelings might not be what I want them to be.
Nope, not in the closet. Yes, both parents are around, however, we disagree greatly on many things, they are very conservative and religious, whereas I am neither and their opinions that they taught me as a grew have been incredibly hard to overcome.
You're just wigging out... that happens to a lot of people. You don't realize it, but you are sabotaging the relationship. Some people have a lot of trouble when they've found a good thing, and I have been guilty of this too. There is a lot of pressure that comes with the prospect of an amazing relationship. Pressure to act a certain way, pressure to feel a certain way, and sometimes the slightest doubts and anxieties can blow way out of proportion when love is involved. I think you just need to take a giant chill pill and let things happen as they will. Go with the flow, so to speak It is really helping me to type this out, because I think I could stand to take my own advice. I tend to freak out when I have a good relationship going, just because I really want it to work out perfectly. It sounds like you are going through the same thing. You really idealize this girl, and you want your relationship to be perfect, and sometimes you freak out because you are afraid your feelings aren't as perfect as you expect them to be. So, just don't analyze it so much, go with the flow, and enjoy the time you spend together, and if it's meant to be, everything will work out.
Yeah, that's sort of what we decided when we last talked. We both want it to work, it's jsut I dont know exactly/completely what I'm feeling, so hopefully time will tell...and hopefully that will end up being a positive thing for our relationship.
Yeah man, just don't analyze it too much. Go with the flow. Have fun, be nice to her and respect her and hopefully she will treat you with the same courtesy and respect, and everything will work out beautifully Don't worry about defining your feelings... they will work themselves out in time.
"I would give absolutely anything to fall madly in love with her" "But the thing is, while it is what I want more than anything, that gut feeling came back. That maybe I don't love her. In fact, at times, it makes me certain that I don't." On the surface I would have to agree with you. You don't love her, at least not in that way. On the other hand, at 18 and these type of doubts are inevitable; I'd hate to see you lose her and still be regretting it 10 years from now. It's a tough position your in. If I had a picture of the two of you, I could give you a definitive piece of advice. Since I don't have that luxury, let me ask a question or two: How many girlfriends have you had in the last 3 years? Have you slept with this chick? How many girls have you slept with all together?
One girlfriend. Nope, haven't had sex...slept yes...but that was just a sleepover. None. I could PM you a pic or something if you'd like...or post one in my gallery or something...
Posting a pic of you and her in your gallery would be helpful. Puts things in perspective. I'm thinking that you might want to stick this one out for a while. It's not like you're some crazy ass ladies man who picks whatever girl he feels like being with that weekend. Which is to say, I don't feel like your missing out on a whole world of opportunities. I have no reason to believe that this isn't the best thing for you right now. No matter who you are with at your age, once the infatuation wears off you are going to doubt the relationship. I left a chick 12 years ago when I was 25...in retrospect...there was nothing wrong with her or our relationship...I was just not ready for it...and didn't get reay for it until about 27-28. I matured fairly slowly though, due to drug use. So you might battle these feelings until your 24 / 25. Don't lose this chick quite yet.
Ok I just checked the pic. You need to hold on to this one. I can't be certain, but based on your description of her and what I can deduce from the pic...she's a keeper.
haha, thank you. i will definitely try and stick it out. we voted not to do anything right now, stay friends and stuff, and I don't think our friendship is going to end anytime soon, so hopefully someday it will progress into something else.
I think it will. But it is just a guestimation. Of course you cant sit around just beinf friends for long...someone else will come along.
Just go with the flow, it will land you in the best places. Don't over analyze it, you will just get confused. Just let your feelings do what they want to do, just let things happen between the two of you, whatever will happen, and you will figure it out, so just go with it, don't worry about stuff.
