I accidentally made my dad's life harder for my benefit...

Today on the way home from school, my mom flipped out. I sighed while she sat there asking stupid, stereotypical questions about my friends. Then she went into attack mode. She told me all about how I had no social skills and if they don't improve in a week she's taking me to a therapist, etc. She goes on a RAMPAGE every day with everyone in my family. I was NOT going to just sit there and take it any more. I said, "Mom, I don't act disrespectful to anybody but YOU! You're mean, and everybody in the family agrees! All you do is scream at everybody for NO reason. There's NEVER a good reason to be screaming but you literally never stop!"

I went on to tell her that I love dad and my sister with all my heart, but I had no love or respect for her (and that's the truth). Now she thinks the reason I hate her is because she "does everything" (bullshit) and since she makes all the decisions for me and disciplines me all the time that I have ended up hating her. In truth, that's all bullshit. My dad only disciplines me when it's actually called for, unlike my mom who just wants to yell.

I was listening to my parents talking and now my mom told me dad that she was going to back off and make him handle EVERYTHING. She won't do anything anymore. He makes all the decisions for me, he handles everything for me at school (which is A LOT. I have special needs), he chooses what I can do and what my bed time is. What this means is, besides the part about school, my awesome dad is going to let me stay up until a time that is actually reasonable (IE 11:00-11:30), let me hang out with my friends without stereotyping them because they make C's or they have long hair, and be a little more lenient on what I am and am not allowed to do. He's a good parent, he won't just let me do whatever I want, but he's not a dictator like my mother.

The thing is, now my dad is most likely going to be crushed under the stress of trying to figure out how to handle an IEP, which my mom is literally an expert on with over 1,000 hours of training, and get what needs to be done for me at school. I feel horrible, even though I never meant for ANY of this to happen.

My life gets better at home, slightly worse at school, and my dad suddenly has to do EVERYTHING, and it's my fault.

 

I thought all the parents had to do was read the IEP, that all it basically is just a report on how your doing. Glad to hear that things are getting better for you. I bet your dad will be able to handle it just fine.

 

The IEP is what sets down what I require to be able to function well at school and makes sure those things are enforced. My parents get a lot more involved than most. They go through it and revise it heavily every year, and sometimes my mom has to pull out all the stops to get things done. My dad would do anything for me, and I have no doubt he will work on my IEP as much as he possibly can, but he's going to have to learn fast if he wants to not be lied to by the school about laws and such.

I just feel terrible that all this was thrown on him. I'd trade stress levels with him because he's just that awesome, and this is my fault.

 

Would it be out of the question to just apologize to your mother to take the heat off your dad?

 

I would suggest that you support your father in any way you can. Remind him he's a good parent and that you love him. Listen to his problems, help him when possible. It will make the extra work he has to do much easier.

As for your mother, if she's really that bad, never acknowledge her existance.
It will make her crazy and give you a good laugh.
For additional laughs, get everyone else in the family to join you.

 

That wouldn't change anything. Once she says something she doesn't take it back no matter what, and I'm actually not sorry.

And AncientHippie, I do plan to support my dad however I can. And thanks for the laughs with your suggestions for making my mom go crazy.

 

im so sorry. i have the same problem with my mom, except my parents dont live together. and to get away from it all i indulge in things and habits that definitely wont benefit me in the long run. all i can say is please. please stay strong. its not your fault. you are not making your dads life harder, and if he claims that, find a new dad. the countless times ive run away from my tyrant mother to my hippie lawyer pacifist dad, hes so supportive. recently, i had a major run in with the law and he didnt lecture or question, he sympathized and consoled me. your father loves you and you are not a burden to him. more likely, your mother is. dont worry, youre still young, you and your family will get through this.

peace, my brotha

--cat

 

Im glad you enjoyed it, but I was being serious. Imagine everyone in your family not looking at you, not listening to you, not talking to you, as if you were dead, or not there for days and WEEKS on end. I think they call it Hazing in college. It is quite effective

 

you should have punched the shit out of her

 

I do the same thing. For a while I cut myself, but family issues wasn't really the reason I did that. Lately all I do is watch episodes of Charmed until I become so absorbed in it that the real world is blocked out. I do the same thing with video games. They're how I get away.

My mom is thinking about not letting my go on vacation with the family, now. My dad won't say anything, because although he is the main authority for me now, my mom does nothing but scream and yell and slap him until he does what she wants. She tried to call the fucking police for domestic violence a few months ago when he tried to get her off him (key words: get off, not attack). She sits there and slaps the shit out of him. In fact, from a young age she did the same thing to me. When I completely broke down one night when I was 9 because of how often she slapped me around she stopped doing it.

When I was around 8 she would frequently do things like tell me to get ready to never see her again because I was getting a "new mommy." Once she made me pack my things and told me I was going to jail when I was 6. She commonly threatened to take away the stuffed animal that I still sleep with every night and cut him to pieces, at which point I always sprinted to my room and held him tightly while hiding from her.

She thinks that because she handles my special needs that no matter what, I should always treat her like the best thing that's ever happened to me. No. I appreciate what she has done for me with school, but for some reason I can't appreciate the psychological damage she has caused me.

 

#1 you should have punched the shit out of her
__________________

Thats untolerable hes 14!

2Hes a learning disability.
Number 3who knows what goes on behind closed doors
Number 4 your 22 you should know better than that to even say that to a 14 yr old.

Would you want your 14 y/o child to punch you out? especially if they had challenges?

Think before you speak.

 

I read this and thought...man, there's always one in a crowd.

Then I read Crazy's post after it and I'd have to say, I'd punch the shit outta her too.

 

Things are good, right now. My dad has no problems with letting my friends with long hair, and my friends who don't make straight A's. I can make a small mistake like spilling a drink without screaming for 10 minutes. I don't get non-stop stupidity coming from his mouth if I stay up about as late as every other teenager I know does.

Summer break started Thursday, so there's no worries about my IEP. Just enjoying my summer hanging out with my dad and my long-haired, C-making friends.

Care to explain why you think my "challenges" would make a situation in which I hit my mother different?

And I won't even go into how you claimed I was a learning disablity, as opposed to having one.

 

Although I don't know your situation too well, we are only hearing it from your side. You're 14 and in that stage of not wanting to be around your parents most likely. I mean when you sighed when she was asking your questions about your life, were they just normal questions? I mean I hated my parents at 14 too but now I love them and appreciate everything they've done.
But again, I'm not trying to judge you or anything, I'm just saying maybe this is how it is.

 

you know, your mom might be entering menopause and suffering hormonal embalance or chemical depression. my mom went through something that sound EXTREMELY like what your mom is doing. once the "change" finished and she got her blood sugar and depression taken care of, it was a whole new mom. of course, there's also the inevitable fighting that takes place when parents and children are mentally and emotionally seperating. it doesn't just happen all ont he day you move out. it takes years. obviously your mother is feeling an extreme amount of pressure and your father taking some of that off of her is probably a god thing for all of you. try to give your mom a break, she's clearly in some mental hell right now.

 

I am sure your dad will do everything he can to help.

 

Go easy on the O.L., probly menopause