New. Really Bummed Out - Need Some Advice

It's been said that every person has to tread his own path in life.

I was treading mine, but was persecuted by my family and friends, so I rebelled and became self destructive.

I think my destiny is to buy and run this local Rasta shop, but the owner and I have had a number of disagreements.

I'm so frustrated, that I'm tempted to leave this state and not come back.

I'm also very angry at my mother and sister (and other people) for persecuting and hating me for smoking marijuana.

The guy who runs the shop now has said that he will forgive my mistakes, but that others won't. I don't understand what he means by that.

All I want is to be happy, and be at peace, but it seems so elusive right now.

Is there any advice anyone can offer?

Are there any psychics here who can contact this shopowner I know?

His phone is disconnected, and he has never once called me, even though I have given him my number, and he has hinted that he would like to sell the shop, and that it is my destiny to take it over.

I'm so angry and frustrated, that it's at the point where I hate my own mother, my own family, and life in general.

I need help and advice.

Any insight or assistance that anyone can provide is very much appreciated.

Thank you.

Sincerely,
Erik D.

 

A few things:

Firstly, if you want to buy this Rasta shop, then I say, go for it, if it's something you really want to do or if you're destined to do so. You'll probably kick yourself for not doing it.

Secondly, if you've got a lot of people bothered by you, then maybe you should look internally to try to mend those fences. Granted it may be partially more their problem than yours, but especially with relationships with family, it's important to at least make some sort of effort to keep those ties and fix whatever may need fixing - or at least make some sort of comprimise.

Thirdly, get help. You can't live your life angry at the world, because that doesn't solve anything. Try doing things that are productive instead of counter-productive. It'll help resolve some issues and tension you have with other people. If it means taking a bit of therapy, then do it. Or maybe you just need something that will help you grow and distract you from feeling frustrated or angry.

 

Cerridwen,

I really don't know the answer to your questions.

This agonizing psychosomatic pain in my stomach makes it hard to think clearly.

You are right about the therapy though... I've gone to a few therapists, but the conversation always circles back around to the same old stuff from the past, which is why I don't go anymore. I'm tired of living in, and talking about, the past.

I don't know if I'm capable of running a Rasta shop right now... I'm all twisted up. The persecution from so many directions at once was just too much for me, and I began to feel anger and hate in response.

But there's nothing Rasta about hate.

Yet I am so full of hate, and I don't know how to get rid of it.

What is hate? Where does this poison come from, and how do we humans extricate ourselves from it?

Hate is destroying this planet, and despite the fact that I never thought I'd get caught up in it's web ever again, after years of effort to free myself, here I am again wrapped up in it all over again.

I don't understand it.

Hate is deadly poison, but it's in my system, and I don't know how to expel it.

I was a Rasta, but I'm not a Rasta anymore, because I am full of hate. I was so far above and beyond hate at one point... I had total mental clarity, and then the vampires closed in (just like Bob Marley said: "Men and people will fight ya down, when you see Jah light."). It's like the happier I was, the more they wanted to destroy and undermine me.

How is one not to hate and want to kill vampires... or humans when they turn vampirous?

I'm sorry for all these existential questions... this stuff is just coming off the top of my head.

Thank you for your feedback and wise suggestions. You make a lot of sense, and I think once it sinks in, I'll be able to appreciate and act on it.

Till then, I'll just be hiding in the bushes over here, avoiding vampires. lol

 

Yes, very good points. I'm going to do exactly those things ASAP.

Thank you.

 

I think with therapy, or at least part of it, is dealing with the past - which is why therapists keep going back to it. If you're going to shut down to their process, then it defeats the purpose of going to therapy to begin with. If you're going to go, let them do what they need to do, despite whether or not you think it's going anywhere.

If you're not prepared to run your own business, then don't do it simply because the opportunity arises, then. But you can always set the goal to one day do it, with a specific time in mind, and get yourself working towards that goal.

You have to stop overwhelming yourself about big global issues. You're right, there may be nothing Rasta about hate, but you're not rasta, you're human who practices it, and it's human nature to hate, just like it's human nature to love. That's not something that you can avoid, but you can learn to control if you let yourself.

It's like quiting smoking - you just don't wake up one morning and say 'Alright, no more cigarrettes or cravings or anything, as of this instant' and then it happens. It takes a while. You may need to go on the patch or cut down how much you smoke per day until it becomes nil, or use nicotine gum or a combination of all three. But eventually - and also with a little willpower - you quit. Finding other things to distract you from that bad habit also helps you quit and move on.

As far as the world destroying itself and being filled with hate, well, there's nothing about that which you can do. Ghandi's often quoted as saying "Be the change you want to see in the world." So, if you want to see change, instead of talking about it, do something about it.

At the risk of sounding blunt, bitching about something doesn't bring about change. Doing something does. It'll take a while, but eventually it happens. Once you change, the world around you progressively changes as well.

 

Good points and good post.


The problem is, I let the world change me, and I didn't change the world.

Now I'm very unhappy and in a lot of pain.

I didn't realize just how serious life is, especially when you're unstable... then it's even more serious, but I didn't know it until now... and now I'm really bummed.

 

I realize that somewhere along the way, I lost my own mind frame, and twisted and distorted my mind frame into something unrecognizable... something scary.

Now it's not as easy untwisting my mindframe as it was twisting it in the first place.

Bummer.

 

"I hate my own mother, my own family, and my own life in general"

if hate exists in your unconcious it will manifest in many different flavors
you have to remove all forms of it to get rid of it in one aspect

really, sit down and have a talk with the family 'marijuana is great'. Like honestly, make a point of atleast going on and on about all the awesome things you did with it, hows its made your life better. Make it sound so awesome that THEY are making a huge mistake for not smoking it. Make it painfully apparant that you are marijuana. Right now they probably think that if they reject marijuana strongly enough, they'll be able to reject it right out of you. They don't understand your tie with it is not so easily seperatable.

then, figure out your 'mind frame' is. What exactly the 'I' really is, then develop a method to maintain that feeling without any material or physical connection.

 

They won't listen. When I was a baby, the cops raided my parents house because my father was dealing large quantities of weed and LSD. I think my mother was totally traumatized by the event, and my father had to abandon our family to flee the state to avoid a very long prison sentence. He wouldn't even step foot in this state, except for a few snuck visits, because he was afraid of continued persecution and prosecution. It fucking sucked.

LSD was used by psychiatrists for years, and then the Federal Government and CIA used it to perform experiments on people without their knowledge, but when citizens try to use it of their own volition, they crack down on us like the nazi gestapo agents that they are. I'm not even a fan of LSD, but I can't stand government hypocrisy as they destroy families all across this so-called "land of the free".

Free to do what? Work for some soul sucking corporation, producing worthless consumer crap, or deadly chemicals marketed as "medicine", or contaminated crap as "food", while they destroy the entire planet and our fellow human beings all across the globe? NO! Fuck corporate America, and fuck the US Government.

They are scum, hypocrite devils, worse than any predator of nature.

We must replace their bullshit system with a system of local and international co-operation based on common benefit, help for everyone, and oppression of none.

This system must die so that Earth and Humanity can live free, for real this time... not just a bunch of words on a piece of hemp parchment, which ironically, would probably be illegal today. Enough of this government bullshit.

I have the God-given right to grow and smoke any God-given plant that I damn well please, and I am sure as hell going to do so, and defend my fellow human beings rights to do the same.

It says right in the Bible, in Genesis Chapter 1, Verse 29:

"And God said: 'See, I have given you every herb bearing seed that yields seed which is on the face of all the Earth, and every tree whose fruit yields seed, and to you they shall be for food."

"for food" also means for consumption in whatever form mankind chooses.

That is right from Genesis 1:29... From the same Christian Bible that George Bush and every other governmental and corporate oppressor claims to read from and believe in.

Well Mr. Bush and your gangster buddies, I am a Child of God who believes that The Bible is the true God given instructions for mankinds happiness on Earth, and I will smoke and grow marijuana or any other healing herb I desire, as is MY GOD GIVEN RIGHT, accorded to me by my Creator, my Father in Heaven, and that is that.

Word!

"The Sword of The Spirit... is The Word of God."

- Ephesians 6:17

"The Word of God is living and powerful. Sharper than any man-made sword... it judges the thoughts and intents of the heart."

- Hebrews 4:12

Reclaim your true power my Brothers and Sisters!

Down with all oppressors!

 

who are you trying to convince there

if you consider dominator culture to be so ghoulish, what have your personally done to minimize it?

Smoking your way through a job, university or social issue is not really a very out front method of protest and disconnecting from it. I would say it's more a way to cope while still being in it. It's only gonna go away when people step away from it fully and forget it. Then further, thank it for showing them how and why they needed to get to their new and better state of being.

metanoia or paranoia?

 

I don't understand completely.

Can you please elaborate on that?