I wrote this about my drug abuse. It's my first poem. I've done other writing. In this moment we are kings. Don't think about tomorrow, no. In this moment we are kings. Don't fill the void, no. Just pretend to be complete. Glorify that which shall not be glorified. In this moment we are kings. Never bad intentions, no. Just intentions going wrong. We knew the dangers, took the risks. And in this moment we are kings. And in this moment we are kings. Never thinking, never comprehending. Warnings never more than morales. We won't let you get into our heads. For in this moment we are kings.
Glorify that which shall not be glorified that line makes no sense.....shouldnt be glorified would make sense
also a period at the end of every line makes it a string of blips. try playing around with the punctuation. a few comma's maybe get rid of some of the periods
I'd hate to take grammar advice from someone named poopzilla. It makes sense. It's grammatically correct and makes literal sense. Not surprised that poopzilla doesn't understand though.
im just offering constructive criticism, take it or leave it, but the fact remains that your poem could be better with a little work
also just because it makes sense doesn't make it a good poem, it has potential to be a real real good poem. i hope you work on it
I wasn't saying that. I believe YOU said that. I was just saying that although it really doesn't matter, it still does make sense.
glorify that which shall not be glorified means you are glorifying something that isnt being glorified, its a contradiction
jacobxross: wat is ur problem? poopzilla is just trying to help you better your poem...thats wat this forum is mainly about posting your poems getting advice and comments on how they could be improved...i get advice all the time and im grateful...this was your first poem...so dont act like its perfect...ive been writing poetry since i was 9 and i still make mistakes and have flaws in my writing...no one is perfect 100 percent...i know its really none of my business...but seriously you shouldnt act like that toward someone who is trying to help you better yourself... i personally liked this peom...thought it was deep...but as i said its not perfect...and has the potential of being better with a few minor adjustments.
yea dude don't be too defensive it won't help you grow. Not sayin its bad in any way. I can't write poems or lyrics for shit. I try all the time. I play music, and when someone has something to say that could help me I used to get all defensive. I realized this was because I was letting my art give me a swollen ego. Its good to feel pride, but its better to be uninhibited by self, if you want to create the most sincere kind of art, that is. Keep writin bro.
