Weird stuff

Hmmm I figured since this area was for posting inner most confessions, and I doubt anyone on this board will ever see me, I figure it doesn't matter if I add a few of my things in.. Heres some weird ass secret about me. I have this thing where I avoid people, its not that I am antisocial, I just don't want to become attached. I am also scared to death of a relationship, well I wouldn't really say scared, I just stay away from them, and I have often been a ass before to make people dislike me to avoid a situation like that, another words, just telling some hot girl in a nice way to fuck off...... I have this belief that anything that comes into my life that is good will be ripped away from me, no its not feeling sorry for myself either so posters with that in mind please don't even bother.



The strange thing, I have not always been like this, I mean I never had any friend in school, but who did? Now I just stick with the one friend I have had for 6 years, but now that is about to come to a end in the near future. Then I will be back on my own again, which personally I think my friend only hangs out cause I foot the bill for the snort, liquor and beer...


I am just in a weird part of life now, I have done everything, I am set, and I still feel like I am crawling, and its never ending. When I sit here, its like the walls are closing in on me, its like whats the point in life? Everyone works there ass off, but for what? So we can all die? I hate this world... Also yes I am am one of the people that believes that sometimes life is better for some people on the otherside, and no I am not thinking about killing myself, been there done that still got the scars.


I know it hard for a few of you to believe, but I have counceled before, and I have talked a few kids out of suicide, the last 3, while I was talking with them, I was thinking at the same time, this girl/boy wants to die because they don't have any friends, or because their dad doesn't like them or because their parents are getting a divorce, whatever the situation was, just couldn't help but wonde whats gunna happen when they see how the world really is? I mean seriously there is some fucked up shit that goes on in this world, and there are MANY fucked up people in this world.



I used to always tell them they were just blind to the world and needed someone to open their eyes, to how good life could be, and how to make their life enjoyable, but I realize now that was a lie I was telling. Life is never good, you make think for a year or two it is but just give it time.




I am closing now cause I have alot more to say but I end up rambling off subject, and I'm sure no one is gunna read this shit anyway.

 

Man Lifes a tripp, but to make it a tripp you need 2 things Love And Peace!

And when u say that u avoid ppl then hate life...well maybe if u befriended some more people life wont be as crappy!

Smoke da reefer

Still Smokin

Peace and love

Stop The War!

 

Did you actually read the post?

 

i can relate to some of what you are saying.

i tend to not get close to people too. it is mainly because of fear of getting hurt or just losing them. once you have a few people betray your trust, it is hard to get close to people. but i am not as afraid of relationships; i think we all need someone close in our lives.
but once i become too close to friends or others, i will avoid them or do something to make us less close.

i don't think that what you told those kids was a lie. life can be enjoyable. you are still young (as am i). there is joy and pain to life. you seem to have experienced a lot of pain, so get ready to experience a lot of joy. it will come, just be patient. don't give up on life because you had a few set backs.


by the way...i am glad that you are still here, and that you only have scars from your attempt(s).

 

i don't blame you for not getting close to others, the world is a cruel place and sometimes the mind soul and spirit can be very weary of coming too close to others who could hurt you. however as this feeling consumes you, you could be missing out on something greater than what you've already experienced. Sometimes you gotta listen to what your heart and spirit say. so whatever makes you happy right now, good for you.
at the same time you avoid people, do you ever wonder what it would be like to love and be loved? do you ever wonder what it would be like to laugh with friends and talk about stuff? do you ever dream about being in anothers arms at night and snuggling? Though life is always gonna be complicated, we're still set in out ways to do things our way, everyone needs time to see that life isn't just about decisions, it's about how everything comes together......everything you may be feeling inside could be just another step closer to something unexpected. or just another step closer to another chapter in your life.
everyone has a different story, a different past and different desires, how we all live our lives is our choosing. just remember that your decisions could or could not affect someone elses life. but i'm sure you already knew that.
just continue to be who you are.........and if who you are isn't what you want to be, then change your mind. yeah anyway i'm sure this all sounded like total BS right? *shruggs* i wanted to reply...
loves and hugs to you
novarys

 

Wow, I used to kid about you reminding me of Holden Caulfield, but you really do think like him. If you haven't already, you should read The Catcher in the Rye. I really think that you could relate to it.

 

Yes we all run around like chickens with our heads cut off... and for what?


We do it for a laugh, that's it.



The only thing you can really live for is your own happiness. If where you are in your life makes you unhappy, live differently. But I realize there are things you can't change, the hard part is finding ways to turn them into happiness.

I don't make any more sense than you do, so I won't even try any longer.

But I wish you bubble baths

 

Thats so sad.

I guess it's easy for other people to say shit about living your life and making the most of it and blah blah blah. I don't think there's much that can be said that you don't already know.

Good luck with that one.

 

You're alot like me....so I'm not the only shy person here?

 

Yeah you do feel sorry for yourself. I have to say I don't feel too sorry for you cause you just want to be pathetic. Stop being such a pussy.

 

It has nothing to do with feelings sorry for myself, perhaps you would like to argue this with my therapist? Go the fuck away seriously I don't like stupid people and never will.

 

Wait on second thought I just thought of something, maybe all of the letters and stuff I posted confused you? You could not put it all together so you just figured you would judge and ridicule me, how sweet, so are you doing this in others threads as well? Poor guy you might really need some professional help.

 

Also the other people that posted up agreeing with me, or saying they can relate or understand, are you saying they are feeling sorry for themselves as well? Actually seriously you mouth has pissed me off the more I think of it, would you like my number so we could argue this more, because I would love to tell you a few things.

 

Dude, if you're really only 21, you HAVEN'T DONE EVERYTHING.

Set some goals, work toward them, expand your horizons. GET OUT OF THE BOX!

so many things to enjoy out there..............

 

Who are you to pass a judgement on me?

 

I went back and re-read this entire thread, and in doing so, see that you have the world figured out, know ALL the answers, and all the repercussions of every action one might take in life.

I can now see that any further encouragement on my part will fall on deaf ears.

good luck, kid

 

Here's my two cents. For some reason you think that you don't deserve love and happiness. I don't know why but many good people who are givers and not takers tend to neglect themselves. Also I am guilty of hiding out myself. I avoid social situations because it's easier and there's less effort Basically I am lazy and would just as soon sit here and get stoned. I think it would be a good idea to give people a little credit. They might have more to offer than you think. People like me who have more life experience know that you can only change yourself and you can only expect things to change. Control your destiny or someone else will. You deserve to be happy but don't look to another individual to give that to you. Learn to comfort yourself and give to yourself so you don't have to depend on someone else for that.

 

If you read it well, did you see me asking for help anywhere?

 

hey dreamweaver
I haven't read all of the posts. Only yours, so apologies if I'm repeating.
You need to find something that you love to do. Either that, or help the world in some way. If you feel that there is no point to living; you work your ass off to simply die, then for now you need an excuse (for lack of a better word) to live. Ditch your friend that you're footing the bill for, and find a way to do something that you love to do. Start to surround yourself with people that inspire you. And I don't believe nothing has ever sparked your interest so get going.
Make a little map. Draw a circle and inside the circle write "Dreamweaver's Interests" then draw another circle and a line connecting the two and write something that you enjoy doing. And go DO it for fucks sake. Don't waste a minute. Look at the clock. You got a few million hours or something, and you're sitting on your ass wondering why you're scared. Take the wheel, dude.

 

Will you marry me? Oh, actually ..I guess not..