Having Gay fantasies

Rasturium · Oct 31, 2007

Well this is my first post here on the forum and I wasn`t quite sure where to post it but anyway.

I`m in my late 20`s and despite the fact that I only get emotionally involved in relation to women I also from time to time have strong fantasies about having sex with another man, like both oral and anal and passive and active.
However not within the frames of a relationship or anything just pure sex for the pleasure of it next to the idea of trying something new.

Sometimes I have scouted out possibilites to go to gay clubs or saunas and whatever but I have not done it yet (this might sound paranoid but I would be terrified to met someone I either know well or even worse just by looks or name)

I am sure plenty of other people have experianced the same but I am not sure about what I will do.

Pte · Oct 31, 2007

I have also similar fantasies. I like to watch men mostly their equipment. I haven't been with a man either but my fantasies just end to do something with hands or mouth.

Maybe it would be nice to go to gay/bi saunas or other that kind of places.

bjking77 · Oct 31, 2007

I have fantasies when i am watching porn. i imagine that i am sucking the bloke off. i love it. any blokes wunt to chat here. or women? add me on msn- morrisons24-7@hotmail.co.uk

Jungle · Oct 31, 2007

I'd say go for it, if you do bump into someone you know, then they are most probably bi or gay as well. And most probably thinking the same thing as you.

Go for it, live a little, you only get one chance.

Joey* · Nov 3, 2007

You're having fantasies for a reason don't be afraid to explore them.Supposing the worst happens you see someone you know,that could be a good thing.Depends on how you look at it.I'd say go for it too.Take it at your own pace.Alot of other people feel the same as you.You're not alone.Be yourself try not to worry about it much.There's a first time for everything,it's always gonna seem kind of scary,you may go and wonder why you worried about it in the first place.

Joey*

drullz · Nov 4, 2007

hey rasturium, I am in the same position. I have such a strong craving to perform oral on a guy, and even recieve anal. I'm just not sure how I'm going to find a suitable candidate for some hot action without bumping into someone I know either. Eventually I'll have to make the leap if I want to fulfill my fantasies. I suppose there are many in our same situation, too bad there are so many homophobes in this world!

noice · Nov 6, 2007

ive been fuked in my ass afew times and its so much beta than a woman. do it...

204HOE · Nov 9, 2007

I'm in the same boat with you. I'm also in my late 20's and my wife been fucking my ass so crazy lately and she loves it and now I've been fantizing what it feels like getting fuck in the ass by another guy. Also is that make me gay/bi or just for pleasure. BTW I never done it with a man and go for it.

ImRon · Nov 9, 2007

I an just realising that I am gay and want to try it!

DopeBeatDerrick · Nov 9, 2007

204HOE said:

I'm in the same boat with you. I'm also in my late 20's and my wife been fucking my ass so crazy lately and she loves it and now I've been fantizing what it feels like getting fuck in the ass by another guy. Also is that make me gay/bi or just for pleasure. BTW I never done it with a man and go for it.
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you should try it! just the feeling of another mans scrotum slapping against yours and firing his hot cum in your ass.there is nothing else like it!

andyfido · Nov 18, 2007

I'm also in the same boat, and doing things like going on forums like this to learn how best to find a satisfactory bisexual lifestyle. I'm just starting to work this out, so would welcome any stories/opinions from anybody. One thing that has given me some fascinating insights is Garret Jones's ebook called Coming Clean About Bisexuality, freely available online. He's managed to maintain a successful, loving marriage, while also having long term, loving, sexual relationships with men, being completely open with his wife. Is this a model that all we bisexual men, and women for that matter, could work towards? I'd love to hear your opinions about it.

franzde · Nov 20, 2007

i'm not too sure really, i suppose that's the best he can do and it's great that's he's being open and honest but i wonder how the wife feels, i wonder if any straight people could understand the notion of bisexuality rather than the polar gay/straight ends of the social sexual spectrum

andyfido · Nov 20, 2007

mexi0803 said:

As for the being married to a woman and having affairs with men, well that just dosn't sit well with me. That is basically the concept of an open marriage and while that works well for some people I know I could never do it.

Just because we are bisexual doesn't mean we should throw out monogamy. We can still commit to one person whom we love above all others and if one can't then one should not get married. Pretty simple no?

Lots of straight people can't commit, same thing, if you cannot say you'll be true to the one person then forget marriage.

That's fair enough, but have you ever asked yourself where this commitment to monogamy comes from? Here's some excerpts from this book I mentioned that address this important issue.

"The monogamous tradition has governed the Judaeo-Christian sexual ethos for centuries. The greatest gain of the monogamous tradition has been the value it has attached to a sexual relationship between a man and a woman and to the family unit which usually results from such a relationship.

The biggest defect of it is its impossible rigidity. In trying to coerce everybody into treading the same path - chastity before marriage and fidelity within marriage - it has engendered the sins, and sometimes crimes, of ‘self-abuse’, ‘fornication’, ‘adultery’, ‘sodomy’, etc. In order to avoid the stigma of having committed these sins (or crimes), the tradition has fostered endless furtiveness and hypocrisy as well as a great deal of pain and unhappiness on the part of people who have toed the line at the cost of being trapped in a loveless relationship or been debarred from the one relationship their hearts have yearned for.

It is virtually certain any tradition which has sustained a culture for centuries will have elements within it of lasting value. It is equally certain, since this tradition inevitably had its roots in a pre-scientific age, when little if anything was known about traditions prevailing in other parts of the world, still less about the detailed workings of the human mind and body, it is bound at times to seem ignorant, naive and chauvinistic by modern standards, claiming for itself an authority and a validity which it can no longer command.

It is now generally recognised sex performs a variety of functions but not necessarily all at the same time. It can be a source of solitary pleasure, a means of achieving the variety which is the ‘spice of life’, a way of deepening and perfecting a relationship, a path to parenthood, a refreshing way of revelling in one’s animality, a form of relaxation, an antidote to stress - and many other things.

To-day there are countless people who still claim some measure of allegiance to the Jewish or Christian traditions but who are vehemently opposed to the traditional sexual taboos associated with these religions. Still more people who live within the borders of traditionally Judaeo-Christian countries, even though they are not immigrants from other areas, have totally dissociated themselves from these religions and now regard themselves as secular agnostics or humanists.

Even these people may be affected more than they realise by ideas which have no sanction other than in the faith they have theoretically abandoned."

The author also goes on to give some reasons he believes his polygamous way of life has meant a better relationship with his wife..

"So far from destabilising the cohabiting relationship, my male-male sexual friendships, especially the ones with ‘A’ and my more recently found friend, have greatly enriched it. I will try to identify some of the ways in which this has happened:-

Completeness: without these male-male friendships, I should have been trying to stifle a side of myself which, because my dominant drive is homosexual, is extremely important to me. Because I have been able to foster these friendships, I have been able to become a whole person instead of the stunted and warped half-person I would otherwise have been; this must surely have made me a much more satisfying person to live with inside the marriage than could otherwise have been the case.

Honesty: I have been spared the deception of pretending my male-male sex is just a matter of physical release whilst my heterosexual life is fully rounded, catering for emotion and the full gamut of personality. I have been free to love a man, indeed more than one man, as deeply and as tenderly as I love my wife even though I have not been free to live with him or to co-parent with him.

Integrity: because sex with a man is quite different from sex with a woman, it does not invite invidious comparisons. The homosexual sex complements the other; it does not compete with it. Because my wife knows I have these male friends (without knowing, or wanting to know, precisely what goes on between us) and because my male friends know I am happily married and have not the slightest intention of ‘moving out’, there has never been any suggestion of deception or furtiveness or accusations of ‘cheating’ or infidelity. Both our daughters have also known about my bisexual lifestyle since their early teens.

Variety: whilst our home has been a richly prized physical and relational base for both of us, it has never felt like a prison or a trap. We have both felt free to go off and do our own thing from time to time, each informing the other of expected times of departure and return - and honouring those times as far as possible! We have both benefited by this freedom. When one partner in a relationship wants and needs more sex than the other, our lifestyle provides an ideal solution, taking the strain off the less eager partner and saving the other one from an ugly mood of frustration and resentment.

Haven: particularly when we were in New Zealand, we knew a number of gay men who, even though I may not have been sexually involved with them, obviously greatly enjoyed coming round for a meal and a chat and being regarded as family friends without being required to dissemble about their gayness.

Openness: where there is a bisexual lifestyle on the part of at least one of the partners, a marriage cannot be a closed circuit but must always retain a certain openness which acts as an antidote to jealousy or possessiveness. This implies that both partners, whether both live bisexually or not, need to be outgoing - which will be easier if both feel secure in the knowledge that their own little kingdom is inviolable.

Polyamory: this is a word which seems to have been coined in the States and is useful to indicate an ethos in which more than one love is allowed. Just as most parents are capable of loving all their children, each of them calling forth a bond of love and affection which is not weaker or stronger than what is felt for the others, just different, so bisexual living and loving calls forth unique but multiple bonds of love and affection which are perfectly sustainable alongside each other. It must be said this is more easily realisable if one’s extra-marital (or ‘extra-cohabitant’) sexual involvements are with partners of one’s own gender. In the case of couples cohabiting homosexually, the reverse would obviously apply.

Health: because this is a lifestyle which permits sex with both genders [<>the point here being that a man living bisexually has no need to get into penetrative sex - and anal sex is much the most risky kind - with another man], yet is carefully controlled and never degenerates into a free-for-all, it is possible to keep the sex virtually as safe as it would be if confined to just the one partner."

He doesn't say it's for everyone, but it makes you question where your beliefs come from. For example, at other points in the book he alludes to other cultures, particularly far eastern, where traditions have been and to some extent still are very different. And, for example, in ancient Greece, it was a way of life for men to maintain long term sexual and relational partnerships with other men alongside those they had with their wives. I'm not advocating anything like that- women were treated as second class citizens in many ways, and the relationships men had with their wives were not considered as noble as those with other men, or even youths- but it just serves to point out the extent to which the Judeo-Christian doctrine is still so powerfully prevalent in the minds of the majority of people today, despite the ever decreasing importance and relevance of these religions in developing societies. What are the reasons why monogamy is the most desirable way of life?
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jameso74 · Nov 24, 2007

I'm in my early 30's. Been married for a long time. I love my wife and family. There is something that can't be fulfilled in the relationship and that is my attraction to men. I've always been attracted to both men and women. Lately the urges/attraction towards men have become more pronounced- probably b/c they've been supressed during my marriage.

Over the course of the past year, I've visited gay saunas a number of times in different cities when I've traveled on business. I have found it to be the ideal outlet for these gay urges. I'm not at a point in my life where I can get involved in another relationship- don't really want one. It is anonymous sex. I'm very careful to practice safe sex and haven't gone "all the way down the path" yet. In bathhouses most people are there for the same reason- no strings attached sex. It keeps you from having to go to gay bars or cruising rest stops. It is a safe environment. You can size people up before you "connect". Everyone has always been very courteous. I've never had to do anything I didn't want. Its actually allot of fun to be in an environment where it is OK to look and touch.

I visited my local bathhouse a month ago and did run into someone I know from work. In fact, we'd gotten somewhat physical before we recognized each other. It was very awkward an embarassing. I was very freaked out at first. However, he and I were there for the same reason. He is most definately gay. At first I was afraid he might say something at work. But he hasn't. From what I understand, gay saunas are looked down upon in the gay community. So he probably doesn't want to admit going.

Bottom Line- If you can't control the urge and want to try and find a discreet way to handle them- gay saunas work.

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