Untitled Everytime I close my eyes i see you Everytime I listen to the radio I think if you Everytime I try not to think about you, I do Theres nothing I can do that won't remind me on you I want to tell you I love you, but I cant find the words I want to tell you just wonderful you are, but thats imposssible I want to tell you you're my friend but when i see you i cant talk I now realize i just want to be around you, but im hundreds of miles away _________________________________________________ I know im not tht good, i just basciacally just wrote whatever came to my mind, whatver i felt... any suggestions/construtive critism/opinoins would be appricated. Thanks
When Love is calling you follow her where ever she goes. She is there to cut your roots but also for growing your tops. the poem is reqonizable for many of us thank you for this memory
Thank you so much for the comment, I wish i could follow her, but im going to college and i can't just drop out and ruin my chances of getting a good job someday
What's with all these greedy, impatient people posting poetry and expecting comments as if it's their right?? C'mon.. [Everytime I close my eyes i see you (Good, but I have no idea what she looks like..tell us) Everytime I listen to the radio I think if you (be more specific, which songs remind you of her, or what kind of music..) Everytime I try not to think about you, I do (I like this this is a psychological effect of thought suppression that backfires on us..) Theres nothing I can do that won't remind me on you ("of you" not "on you") I want to tell you I love you, but I cant find the words (I like the idea of having the words and yet not..it's like the old "I love you" isn't good enough or expressive enough) I want to tell you just wonderful you are, but thats imposssible ("just -how- wonderful you are) I want to tell you you're my friend but when i see you i cant talk I now realize i just want to be around you, but im hundreds of miles away] For a first poem it's not bad. It doesn't have cliches, it's clear, straightforward and to the point. Now if you want to actually do something more with poetry and think of it as craft, besides as an outlet for emotions, you might consider things like imagery, descriptions, word play, alliterations, metaphors, the way certain words sound together..
