Hi Everyone, Recently my Mom had a new hip put in and it feels like it's time to go home. I've always had an agreement with my brother that we would split the work if something happens to Mom. She's 83 and although she's very healthy..it just seems like time. This is my pleasure. What I'm afraid of, is dealing with my son. I do not talk about this and most people think it doesn't bother me. He is 30 and 'likes the needle'.. as he puts it. We've had a lot of therapy over the years and I've been in recovery since 1979. He's had many opportunities to build his life in a variety of ways, but has been pretty much on the streets since he was 20 or so. I know there's nothing I can do and there's nothing I haven't already tried. The problem i guess, is how I feel and the dispair i keep to myself over him. I work hard to have a clear and peaceful place in me and use the book ' the language of letting go' as my kind of bible. Maybe i'm reaching out to just talk about it.which is what I haven't done. He of course, is beloved to me. When he's using he's a person I don't like or want to be around. It just breaks my heart and I just don't know what to do about my feelings. On the surface I feel very detatched from him.. When I do go back, I need to be able to hold my own center without being consumed by sadness and fear for him. and there is anger there as well.. any other parents who have had to struggle with these feelings? any help would be wonderful, thanks, Winny
When a man addicts to 'the needle', his life is almost ruined by himself, the worse is he is ruining the life of his beloveds. I can pretty much understand your sadness and helplessness, though we are in different world geographically and culturally. In my culture, parents are blamed for the inability and the "turning bad" of their child From your post, I can see that you are a responsible parent and a good son to your mother (though you did not teach your son well). Now it is useless for you to blame yourself or your son. What you need to do is helping your son to get rid of the damned needle. 30 is still young, there are thousands of reason for you and your son not giving up. Your son's life can definitely be lit up again if parent and son can work together. overall persistence and devotion is absolutely needed. Apart from doing everything you can to save your son, nothing is so important. Don't give up!!!
though you did not teach your son well). - you can teach a dog to fetch but wil he bring the frisbee back to you? Not all children will be 100 % angels , furthermore there are peers out there that will pressure you till a guns to your head . You know telling her she didn't raise her child well is pretty bad. You weren't there you don't know both sides
I guess I may be wrong by saying above stuff. but at least, parents need to do their best to rescue their son, instead of living in sadness and pain. you and your son must cheer up! To be franke with you, there are many things I can not understand in your country. I am trying to know you all, so I am here. I beg your pardon, if I say anything wrong. I am caring about you in my deep heart.
Hi Aaron and Fricknfrak, first of all, thank you both for responding. I see that you are both about my son's age which makes a difference to me. And you have both made some good points. There is a part of me that is very tired. Sometimes I feel hopeless, but Aaron you'r words remind me that there is always hope. I watched a guy get clean who was about 65 years old. He went on to be a kick ass counselor with gang members and it was like watching someone get their wings. really beautiful stuff.. I'll never forget him. And I agree with you Fricknfrack, (sounds like you've been there on some level) that it's a really dark world out there sometimes. Most of my son's friends went on to be gang members and some of them died. They were kids that I made pizza with and who helped me paint my house. There was just this energy all around that as you said, was extreme pressure for them. My son asked me for a gun when he turned 17 because he was being pressured to join a gang. We moved. The pressure.. the dispair in our society.. and then the hope are all things I need to keep close to my heart when I think of him. As far as understanding any society, what I believe is that we all feel the same things. That's what's so cool about the internet and places like this forum.. just think .. you wrote me from china! how cool is that. I don't take offense very easily and again, thank you both for your insights. blessings Winny
There really isn't much that can be done by anyone, except your son. He has chose to be the way he is, and don't forget that. As a parent (which I am not, but I do have parents) you can only say so much, or tell them so many times. I know that your son has heard everything that you have told him, and chose to be the way he is. I got kicked out of my house when I was 17 because my stepdad always tried to control me, and that is the last thing that anyone wants. My brother left when he was even younger than I was, he is 22 right now, and still struggles to make it. He left because he was tired of following pointless rules (like getting grounded for leaving a waterbottle on the table) or stupid stuff like that, and he is finally starting to look for jobs and get motivated enough to get his own place, instead of staying with friends. I have no idea if you or anyone else was trying to control him, but there are many more reasons a person can act the way they do or do the stuff they do, and it is always that persons decision, and until he wants to change his life around (or if he does) you have to get along with him. Find something you both have in common, or something you are both interested in, and start from there. Talking about his life won't do anything but bad (at first, if you both start getting along better, you can talk about it more.) Just remember to try not to tell him stuff he doesn't want to hear, or anything like that, because nobody wants to hear that what they are doing is wrong. That is my view on it, I am not your son, but that is how I would handle the issue if I was in your shoes.
