Is this a place where...

...I can express my feelings about who I am and what I am? I am very conservative and pretty literal about the bible. I don't want to be somewhere where my beliefs will be accepted for what they are, even if they are unpopular, and I can learn to live in the situation in which I now find myself.

I will respect anyone's opinion, but I don't want to be called an idiot, homophobe, bigot or anything else for just expressing myself. If this is the place I can do it, thankx. If not, let me know so I don't get myself bashed and I don't offend someone else.

Thanks.

 

Can't speak for anyone but myself but an honest, non-vicious expression of opinion is always OK by me. I'm pretty much at the age where BS don't interest me anymore so if I disagree I'll say so...politely.

 

You can speak your mind, but to be honest, from the way it's sounding, I don't think you'll be heard very well.

 

Ok, I guess I need to clarify myself. I have my opinions and beliefs. These, I have to reconcile with who I am. One thing I don't want to do is be attacked just because I am a Christian trying to get my mind around all of the stuff going on with me. I don't intend on trying to persuade anyone of anything. But I have been elsewhere and been called a lot of names just for trying to understand where I am and where I need to be.

 

a good rule of thum is, if you don't want to be called a bigot and a homophob, don't act like one.

if I am reading your post correctly it would seem like you are having issues concerning your own sexuality verses your religious beliefs, its fine for you to explore this here.

Just don't try to tell us that homosexuality is wrong and we'll get along fine, at the very least you won't get hassled at the very most you may get some help finding some answers
S

 

OK, understand that I am not trying to preach here. I am not trying to tell you guys anything related to your reality, only mine. Being a basic fundamentalist type, I have always taken literally the statements in the bible that say homosexuality is an abomination to God as are many other "sins". I don't believe I ever thought that homosexuality is an unforgivable sin that will send someone to hell.

I have always been "afraid" I was homosexual and that has caused great pain. Why afraid? Because of my upbringing. So here I am now, trying to reconcile the feelings I have to the beliefs I espouse. I don't know how I will do that.

Couple the conflict within myself that I am married and have made a vow to be faithful, which I broke at one time by engaging in webcam sex with guys, that I do not intend to break again and that creates some pretty big barriers to overcome. I am not sure I can and I feel alot of the time like I am (pardon the phrase) fucked with now way out. Sometimes death seems the better option, but having had an uncle and mom who killed themselves, I won't do that same thing to my kids.

So, can I say for now that I still view homosexual acts as basically sins without having someone jumping down my throat and telling me I am a homophobic judgemental piece of *!**????*?

Just asking.

 

I think your very honest with yourself, which is a good starting point, a lot of people would say that webcam sex isn't being unfaithful for example

People on here are very cautious, because we have had a lot of christians post here with the sole reason to tell us our life stye is wrong, which is probably why you have had the trouble you have had so far.
I can't answer your above question or give you any guantee's, however if you are genuine in your posts and you don't judge us, I would like to think that you can find hep here
S

 

I have always taken literally the statements in the bible that say homosexuality is an abomination to God.

Ummm Can you tell me exactly WHERE in the bible it actually says that? I've read cover-to-cover and found proof of life on other planets, but never that one.

Now. As far as your dilema, Camsex or phone sex is NOT actual sex. Thus, doesn't count unless you actually touch another person. You have nothing to fear. Welcome to the HipForums!

 

he may not wish to have an arguement about the bible, it sounds like he is trying to find out wether we can accept him as a person confused in his sexual identy and help him in his confusion.
now as far as your comment about camsex, that is subjective and down to persons own morals about wether it counts or not
S

 

Lost. A bit of background about myself. I was born into the Cathoic faith and went through 8 years of Catholic school with nuns who showed no mercy. As a student, I was soon taught the many things that would send me straight to hell. One big sin was homosexuality. However, I knew I was gay long before the school began it's indoctrination. Let me make this clear, I loved the church, Latin Masses, priest's in grand costume, mysterious rituals, lots of incense...in short, grand theatre. We were also taught we were very special to have been born Catholic. I bought it all, it was my identity. But as I began to associate my love of other boys with the Damning Sin of Homosexuality I became deeply conflicted, frightened, and shamed to the core.
I started to read every thing I could find about homosexuality, which wasn't much in the late 50's. I studied all I could about the "sin" of being Homosexual. At a tender age I had to accept that I was damned by the very church I loved. Damned for loving in a way that was as natural to me as breathing.
I eventually began to form deep doubt in the teachings of the church and in the Bible itself. In college I realized that history was often distorted by those in power, That certain "Truthes" were merely the slant of truth someone in power had wanted the world to accept. It didn't take too much to realize that the same kind of manipulation had occured with the Bible. There were lots of versions of God's Word and lots of them disagreed. I finally came to the point where I realized that I wasn't a sinner doomed to hell for loving as I did.
I would strongly encourage you to buy and read the book, Christianity, Social Tolerance and Homosexuality, by John Boswell. He was a student of ancient languages and researched the bibical translations in considerable depth. Its astounding how the "Word of God" became twisted over time and translation to match the mood of whoever had power. I no longer view the Bible as "truth", it may have many aspects of truth but lacks authority as "God's Word" in my opinion.
Damn, got on a roll there, didn't I?

 

what a wonderful post, I hope it helps the O/P
S

 

Thanks for your insights.

 

Lost, if, as Sam Suggests, you are wondering if we can accept you for who you are and where you are in life, then, speaking for my self, Yes. Please use this chance to bring out thoughts and feelings. Life is far to short to carry the kind of pain you are bearing. There may not be easy answers but there will be answers. Your situation is a great condemnation of homophobia in society and religion. Had you had the chance to correctly identify yourself as a developing adolescent this likely would not have happened. As I read posts here from our younger posters I am greatly encouraged at the relative freedom and ease they have in exploring their own lives. We are all, Gay Straight and in between, caught in the business of making our place in the few years we have. If we can reach to others and lighten the load, we are also helping ourselves. I hope you find peace. Steve

 

Yes
and Lost you may find a great deal of insight and help just from exploring the posts here, if you haven't done so already

 

sorry posted on the wrong thread =]

 

To the O/P, I'd like to tell you that I'm also in a situation that is similar to yours. I've been able to come at peaceful terms with myself for the most part, but coming from a Baptist background, along with having homophobic parents, I think I may possibly share a similar confusion to yours. While I have not yet reached a real conclusion, being the young ignorant boy I am, I realize that I cannot live trying to deny my feelings. As I'm sure you understand, it's like being upset at yourself every time your stomache rumbles. It's something that comes naturally to you and telling yourself that it's not natural and that it's wrong just makes you hate yourself and grow bitter.

Perhaps things are as Yarapario says. Perhaps not. I don't know yet. But I do know that if I like keeping my sanity in place, fighting a part of myself that I cannot stop is not something I should be doing.

Also, regarding your situation, I have a lot of respect for you for doing your best to be faithful to your wife and children. But this isn't something you should be doing alone. I'm glad you came here to discuss this with others who might possibly understand your plight. And most of all, I'm glad you're still here alive and well, because you're right -- suicide just messes things up for everyone.

I guess I'm not much help, but know that you're not alone out there.