fake confessions!

Awhile back I had the window-washing contract for my communities police station. One day I noticed a table full of tasser guns through a window that I was washing so I snuck in and reversed the batteries in all the tasser guns. After work I went into town and incited a riot. When the cops showed up and stared tassering people they got the shocks. Cheers!

 

After this Christmas season Island Farms Dairy will discontinue their brand of eggnog. Because I figure that their brand of egg nog is the best in the world and that Christmas just wouldn’t be the same with out it – I did some modifications on an old radio/alarm clock and created a stacies field in my utility room - so that I could have fresh Island Farms eggnog for the next 40 Christmas's.

( in case you don’t know a stacies field halts time so the eggnog I store in it will always be fresh)

Anyway my confession is my wife really likes Island Farms eggnog too and I don’t think that I should have to share any of mine with her – partly because it is really good and partly because when she first seen me goofing around with the clock radio and asked me what I was doing and I told her I was creating a stacices field – she told me not to brake it.- she says that ever time I work on appliances. Cheers!

 

In that case, shouldn't you have cloned your wife?

 

I am planning on cloning the wife but first I have to figure out how to shut off the bling gene. My wife really loves her jewelry so - so will her clones and they will put me in the poor house in no time. Cheers!

PS: The fun that I referred to meant playing practical jokes on her this April she will be getting fooled 10x. Cheers!

 

I have a goblin in my basement. Every night, I try to go catch him but he always escapes. So, I'm just gonna smoke him out... with weed.

 

For about 15 years now I have been telling my family that I would like a pony for Christmas and this is the year that I figure I will get it. Because last July my son got me a skill saw for my birthday and I took it as a hint that I should get busy and build a coral. Also last week I found some sugar cubes in the cupboard and when I said to the wife – aw ha what are these for – she said for tea - but we seldom drink tea.

Anyway my confession is that yesterday I started doing some research on the Internet to find out how to take care of a pony and I got side tracked and started looking at ostrich’s - now I want an ostrich instead. I am afraid that if I tell my family that I changed my mind they will think that I really don’t know what I want for Christmas and I won’t get either. Cheers!

 

I’m an alien bunny from the planet Zargoth. I also own an invisible giant cockroach named Jerry..He likes to wear corsets and tap dance at parties.

 

I'm actually in another dimension. So I have to type everything backwards and up side down so you guy's can read my messages. But you guy's are worth it.

 

There has been a lot of crime in my neighbor hood lately so I made a small force field machine from an old fish pump, a power adapter from a Tyco race car set and an old TV remote.

My confession is – I suck at math and I had to figure out how many pounds of pressure per square inch – that the force field would take. So what I did was set the force field up in the bathroom door way then went into the kitchen and offered the wife a cup of coffee after 3 cups she still didn’t seem to need to go to the bathroom so I went over to the sink – turned the water on full blast and pretended to do the dishes – she bolted for the bathroom. I still don’t know how many pounds per square inch that it will take but I know it’s good for about 140 pounds at a full gallop. Since I might need the wife for further tests on the force field – I haven’t told her about – I just turn it on and off with the remote. Cheers!

 

i died yesterday. but dont worry, i'm alive again!.. YAY!!

 

A couple of weeks ago I started thinking that I could play more practical jokes if I could make my self invisible so I did some modifications on an old micro wave oven and tested it out last weekend. It worked well but when I set the microwave oven to make me visible again it backed fired and burnt out. Luckily before it backfired 96% of my body became visible once again. Right now it looks like I got no neck (I do but its invisible). It was really starting to freak people out so the wife decided that the best thing to do would be to knit me a scarf.
She means well but she is a terrible knitter and has no color sense - plus she put little pom- pom balls on the fringes and I think it makes me look like an idiot. Cheers!.

 

I put a blank dvd in my dvd player and raised my TV's volume to max. The mime next door went nuts and hung himself with the use of his miming.