well for those of you that have read my other thread, i have been to the sex therapist yesterday, and surprise surprise she wants me to learn to masterbate! how? there is a 41 year old head that is telling those 41 year old fingers to get busy but doing what? i can poke and prod myself all i like, touch bit and peices of my body,etc etc, but honestly it doesnt do a thing, i try to fantasise (sp) but that just doesnt do it - well i cant really say that i have any fantasies about anything either so that wont help, watching videos dont work, so how the heck do you get your body to get started? got a vibrator, well i just dont feel inclined to use it by myself, got other things to do, housework shopping looking after the kids answer the phone make tea the list goes on and on!
Masturbation is not cut out for everyone, but why do you feel you need to have sex, are you frustrated, or is it because you are looking for someone to love and jold and kiss and do all the mushy stuff with? you couls always try phone sex or cyber sex or you could find an underground orgy session, they do exist you just gotta know the right people.
From the threads I've read, I *honestly* don't think you want to change, you are in a comfort zone, a familiarity of the way it's been for so long, and posess a resistance to change, perhaps out of a deep-rooted fear. You are being negative and so hard on yourself, it's no wonder you're having difficulty. You're beating yourself up, be kind to yourself! I think you have a mental block, and it's going to take more than trying to practice self stimulation to get yourself out of it. Did you tell your therapist how you felt about masturbating? P.S. I'm not saying any of the above to get on your case at all, it's just my observation, what I've gathered from your posts. I wish I could help you more, because you deserve to feel good about yourself and being intimate with your husband.
actually i do want to change but i dont know where to start! as i said i do love my hubby to bits its just me i dont like. i did tell the therapist, but she seemed to think that i should at least try it out! trying to sort yourself out when you are in a circle and just dont know where the beginning and end is is hard work, and particulaly when others talk about stuff that you have know idea what they are talking about when it comes to what i should be feeling etc. suppose that i find it so much harder cause of the things they talk about and i have no understanding, nice stuff never happens to me so when people talk about the feelings of joy and happiness then i have nothing to build from cause i honestly cant remember a time that i have felt this.
by the way i dont have a problem with masterbation for others, hubby, kids etc just it doesnt work for me. strangely i view it as something that is quite normal to do, but as i said it just doesnt produce anything, anywhere for me.
Let me butt in for a second... I understand from reading your posts that you may not have any problem with masturbation as a whole, but I still have a gut feeling that Hippychickmommy has nailed it. I think that you need to first become comfortable with the idea of linking the sensual touches with positive, wonderful things rather than something unimportant and even unattractive TO YOU. I know you have other things that have to be taken care of besides your own sexual satisfaction, but sometimes it IS important to dedicate your time and effort toward your own self. Sex IS important, whether you agree or not agree. You might not be able to get the positive results in a short period of time, but that shouldn't discourage you from continuing to explore your sexuality. Be patient, don't EVER give up, and DO try to get your huband's support on this. Good luck!
I can understand how you would feel overwhelmed and feel like there are a million other things that you could be doing. I admit to feeling that way myself at times when my husband is in the mood. I'll have a slew of things running though my head...grocery lists, appointment times, what to make for dinner, did I wash that load of clothes I was meaning to...and there are times, even when I try and try, I can't shake the thoughts out of my head. But more often than not, I surrender myself to just feeling, enjoying, and I end up really glad that I did. Being a mother and wife is exhausting at times, both physically and emotionally draining. I think that if you were to take some more time for just yourself, you would also feel better about yourself, your confidence would build, and in turn, you'd feel sexier. Do you have any interests, not sexually, but in general? Anything that you would be willing to take time out and do just for you and you only?
i wish i did have some other interests, i have one friend who works, but i wouldnt feel comfortable talking to her about this stuff, and my sister in law, well im able to talk to her about somethings but i dont see me being in the position to say anything like this. just to make things worse, hes done it again, confused me, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! said i was going to get in the bath, told me he was going to join me, but didnt, so i got out, when i asked what happened he thought he said it as a joke!!! funny not! well its easy to see why and how we got like this in the first place isnt it! he can get turned on at the drop of a hat and me, well im left dangling thinking i got it wrong again, see why i started to ignore his advances in the first place, now he wants me to g back in the bath with him, like hell i will.
I don't blame you for being frustrated about the bath situation. I would have been upset too, and of course, the fact that you had to point out that it wasn't a joke made you uncomfortable I'm sure, and snuffed out any sexual urges you might had been feeling. You tried, he didn't realize, and in turn, you felt rejected. Has your husband attended any of the sex therapy sessions with you?
yes we went yesterday, he has an appointment by himself in 4 weeks time, i just feel like its me thats putting all the effort into this, well yes i should be doing more than him as its me who has the actual problem but he has to help, as by the nature of this particular thread i cant do it by myself!
