I APOLOGIZE FOR THE LENGTH... I JUST HAVE A LOT ON MY MIND, AND I THOUGHT YA'LL COULD HELP CUZ YOU ALL KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE!!! I HAVEN'T TOLD ANYONE ABOUT ME BEING GAY... I FEEL LIKE I'M TRAPPED IN A CAGE CUZ I'VE LIVED MY WHOLE LIFE IMPRISONED BY FEAR OF WHAT OTHER PPL WILL THINK OF ME. I HAVE SO MANY FRIENDS THAT I'M SCARED TO TELL BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO LOSE THEM, AND I KNOW A COUPLE OF THEM WILL PROBABLY NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN IF THEY FOUND OUT THE WAY I FELT INSIDE AND I'M NOT SO SURE OF WHAT THE OTHERS WILL THINK... I FEEL IT IN MY HEART THAT MY MOTHER WILL SUPPORT ME AND LOVE ME UNCONDITIONALLY BUT I'M AFRAID OF TELLING ANYONE BECAUSE I DON'T WANT THE SECRET GETTING OUT.... ME JOINING THIS FORUM WAS A "HUGE" STEP FOR ME IN THE WHOLE PROCESS OF ACCEPTING WHO I AM. I KNOW SOME OF MY FAMILY WILL TURN THEIR BACKS ON ME..... AND IT SEEMS LIKE AS SOON AS I'M ABOUT TO TELL SOMEONE "MY SECRET" I ALWAYZ CHOKE UP OR I BEGIN TO THINK OF ALL THE NEGATIVITY THAT WILL FOLLOW. I'M AN 18 YR. OLD BOY LOOKIN TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP BUT I CAN'T JUST BECAUSE OF MY PREFERENCE... NOT ONE OF MY FRIENDS HAVE ANY SUSPICIONS, THOUGH I DON'T SEE HOW AFTER ALL THE PIECES ARE IN FRONT OF THEM... I HAD A GIRLFRIEND FOR 2 YRS. AND DID NUTHIN MORE THAN MAKE OUT WITH HER...... I THOUGHT THAT CLUE WOULD BE ENOUGH FOR THEM BUT THEY STILL HAVEN'T GOT THE SLIGHTEST IDEA. I FEEL LIKE I DESERVE AN OSCAR FOR CONVINCIN EVERYONE THAT I'M STRAIGHT FOR SO LONG.... I DO PLAN ON COMIN OUT EVENTUALLY BUT I JUST CAN'T MAKE UP MY MIND AS TO WHEN.... IF ANYONE HAS ANY INTAKE ON MY SITUATION IT WOULD BE HIGHLY APPRECIATED!!!
Hey Fiasco (nice name by the way--kind of sums it all up, no?) I'm new at this like you. Although our situations are different (I would be considered by the labeling factories to be 'transgender'), I feel your pain. It's not easy, bro. And you know that, of course. Coming out is difficult; I am still way IN, and not sure how far I need/want to come out. This is all a process... It sounds like you are certain about your sexuality. That is an advantage, although it may not feel that way! I hear you saying it is frightening to even -think- about coming out. Understood! I don't know if I am the person to give advice, but the one thought I do have is: who do you trust most? Is it your mom, a friend? Who do you believe will give you the most support? When you are ready, tell them first. I think it is really important to have someone accepting to spill all of this to. Internet forums are nice in that it's more or less anonymous, and a place like this pretty much guarnatees you some support. We should all be so lucky to have a friend, parent, or partner in real life who makes 'coming out' a little less scary. After all, it is also an exciting time. It's -who you are-! Owning your own sexuality is not easy for anyone in our sex-repressed cultures; having an 'alternative' sexuality kind of forces you to be more honest with yourself and others than you would otherwise have to. A blessing and a curse, perhaps; although I think it best to focus on it as a blessing. Peace and Blessings, Cinmaya
Thank You Sooo Much For Your Insight... I Appreciate It A Whole Lot. I Would Have To Say My Biggest Support System Would Be My Mother But I'm Still A Little Shaky About Tellin Her Because I Don't Want "anyone" Else To Find Out.... And I Know She'll Give Me This Weird Look When I Go Out With My Friends "thinkin I'm Doin Stuff With Them". I Have A Friend , Who's Female, Who I've Thrown Hints To. But I Hear The Secrets She Tells Me That Other Frineds Have Told Her And I'm Not So Sure If She Would Be Someone I Could Trust. I Wanna Come Out But I Don't Wnat To Kick The Door Open (lol). I Just Wanna Take It As Slow As Possible.
Hi Fiasco. I'm straight so I don't know if my opinion can help you out here but anyway. All I know is that if a friend of mine (girl/guy whatever) came out I personally would be happy that they were showing their 'whole ' self to me/ our wider social circle.If you care about someone you want them to be happy with the face they show the world. Having said this I can understand your concerns about the reaction you might get. There are some people who might give you a hard time, for whatever misguided reason. It must take so much courage to speak up and I really admire anyone who does. I Just want to say remember that just as you love your friends they love you back. Maybe tell one or two people you are really close to first? Then you could have some emotional support. Anyway good luck and do what feels right for you. Don't feel pressured to speak out or to live a lie. Follow your instincts. Good luck
Fiasco - I remember so well those teen years, and all the repressed desires that couldn't be spoken. I'm old enough to be your dad, and still no one knows the demons I fight. In one sense, I envy young people today who are coming to grips with their sexual preferences, because society is much more accepting of a gay person now than they were back in my day. I don't want to paint a bleak picture - absolutely not - but consider yourself a *little* bit fortunate to be among friends that like you. Eventually someone will come along and help you make the break you need. In the meantime, chin up, shoulders back, and face the world head on. You'll make it. I did.
your friends (and your mother) might not be as oblivious as your think, they probably don't want to piss you off by suggesting to you that you might be gay. I have a friend now thats in a similar situation, and most of us are pretty sure hes gay. I want him to come out and quit over-acting straight. Plus I'm a little attracted to him, so theres that too. But I don't want it to backfire and make him only fight it more, so I don't know what to do. Sure if you come out its possible youll lose a few friends, but wouldn't you rather be fully accepted by the friends that remained than live in fear of what others might think about you? For me, I came out to a good female friend that I knew would be cool with it. Next it was another girl I know, who had recently come out herself. It still wasn't easy, but i did it. Find a person youre close to that you know will be fine with it. If they know the friends youre so scared of telling, maybe they can offer some insight as to how they might take it.
take time, friend. you have to wait until you're ready! i waited YEARS to come out as bi; i knew since i was a little girl. but i waited until the time was RIGHT. do the same, and even though it's hard, youll find out who you REALLY need to keep as friends.
THANX FOR THE ADVICE!!!! BUT TRUST ME. THEY HAVE NO IDEA. THEY LOOK AT GAY PPL AS SOMEONE WHO'S REALLY FLAMBOYANT AND BASICALLY HOW WE ARE STEREOTYPED TO BE AND I'M NOTHIN LIKE THAT, NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE WHO WOULD CONSIDER THEMSELVES TO BE FEMININE, BUT I'M A PRETTY MASCULINE PERSON. THEY SEE THE TYPE OF MUSIC I LISTEN TO, HIP HOP, THE WAY I DRESS, I'M GAY BUT I HAVE THE FASHION SENSE OF A STRAIGHT GUY (LOL), AND THE STUFF I'M INTO, LIKE PLAYIN B-BALL AND RAPPIN, AND THEY AUTOMATICALLY THINK I'M STRAIGHT.... AND I DO PRETEND I LIKE FEMALES WHEN I'M AROUND ANYONE SO THEY DON'T GET SUSPICIOUS. THEY ASK WHY I DON'T HAVE A GIRLFRIEND AND I ALWAYZ TELL THEM IT'S BECAUSE I JUST WANNA BE SINGLE, AND THAT I HAVEN'T FOUND ANYONE WHO INTERESTS ME TO THE POINT OF RELATIONSHIP. THEY FALL FOR IT EVERY TIME.
I know im only fourteen, but I've decided on my sexuality since I was 12. I guess you could say im pretty mature for my age, but I'm still having a hard time. I have a really trusted friend(girl) who I suddenly let it out too. The thing is, I live in Utah, in a mainly mormon community. My friend is a pretty hardcore mormon, but for some reason I trusted her enough. For the first few weeks, she acted negatively, and kept asking and trying to get me to change. Then another close friend of ours confronted me about it. She had guessed about it. They gave me a really hard time, and I was becoming very depressed and stressed about it all. I began to feel paranoid, like a lot of people had guessed it. Then there's this guy friend of mine, who I have to say I have a crush on. At first I told myself it was just sexual, teen harmonal stuff, and I only wanted the pleasure. But after two years of being his friend, I've decided I can't get over him. Yet, I'm afraid of telling him, I'm afraid of him turning his back on me, and not even being my friend. (I think he's straight =/ ) And I've been really scared of telling anyone, of being cast out. And in my Junior High, the mormon kids would likely overrace negatively, making daily life difficult. The problem with mormons is sometimes they are too spiritual, and sometimes won't even let their children play with non-mormon children(which disgusts me). I'm just really confused about wat to do, and I'm hooked on this guy like craz, no matter what I do I can't think of life without him. This probably sounds like a pretty dumb teen, but I don't know where else to say it.
Well, ya told someone now Just don't feel like you have to tell anyone else just cos you told her. That was my mistake - after I told one friend I felt guilty towards my other 'friends' for not trusting them enough to tell them, then I did, and it kind of exploded. Like moongazer said, just wait til you feel ready. It's always easier after you tell one person, because at least you don't have to go through it alone. Good luck man :hug:
