I am soo stressed out ALL the time. and I really hate to think that its rubbing off on landon. but I can tell if I'm in a bad mood, he's grumpy or doesn't even want to be around me. It breaks my heart. I just really need to change a lot of things. I'm still living with my dad because I still am not able to afford a place on my own. Everytime I get close to moving out I get sucked back into a financial hole. I have so many medical bills that I just ignore every month. I have no credit cards anymore, but I still owe thousands of dollars. I work full time from home, at a pretty demanding job that keeps me tied to my computer for 9-10 hours everyday. and ontop of that I take care of landon full time - usually on my own. All of my income goes towards my car, and health insurance and baby things. I can barely even afford food for myself some weeks. I just don't know what to do. I feel like every way I look is a dead end. I'm sorry for posting this here, but I didn't know where else to post it and I know some of you can relate. I just am completely at a loss. I am always doing a million things at the same time, I don't have a lot of people to help me, and I just feel like im getting worn out. My brain is so fried at the end of everyday. and I hate it when I can't pay attention to my son because I'm stuck at the computer. It was easier when he was younger but now he just demands attention all the time. And I want to be able to give it to him. I would love to have a daycare in my house but I don't know where to look for information on regulations in my area etc. Plus I would lose my health insurance and I wouldn't be able to go without income for however many months it would take to get established. It makes it even worse that everyone around me acts like I don't do anything. and they make me feel horrible when I ask for a little bit of help. I just wish they would give me some credit. I feel like I couldn't possibly do anymore, and everyone acts like I'm lazy. I wish they could see what I do all day, working a full time job, taking care of a 6 month old baby 24/7, cleaning, cooking, etc etc. I know everyone gets overwhelmed sometimes but I have falt this way for months and it's getting worse not better. sorry for the rant.... I'm just at my wits end here.
*lots and lots and lots of hugs* I'm not exactily in a position to offer advice, considering my husband treats me the same way and i'm just as depressed about it as you are. Apparently cleaning our home, cleaning up after him and Leane, being pregnant, and maintaining the highest marks in my college aren't enough to constitue that I do anything. My income pays the bills, he works a part time job and doesn't do shit but sit on the computer while Leane watches TV all day, but he tells me I don't do anything. On top of that, I'm pretty damn sure he's cheating on me. Loverly. Oy, I'm really sorry about that rant! Needed to get that out somethin feirce! The only thing that I'm able to tell myself is to keep my head up and keep going. It's not like I can quit. I know what you mean about being so fried at the end of the day. Some days I don't know which way is up and which is down. But time goes on, and we can't stop. If you can, definately look into the dayhome regulations. I don't know where you live (I'm assuming you're in the US), but up here in Canada, it's not that hard. You need to have first aid certification, CPR, and something else I can't think of right now. One of the colleges here offers a night course 2 times a week for a month to become certified to run a dayhome or work in a daycare. Even if you couldn't start up your own dayhome, maybe working in a daycare would be more benificial than what you're doing now, since most of them allow you to bring your kid free of charge. I don't even know where to begin to tell you where to look, but try calling some daycares in your area and ask what you need to be certified to work there or run your own dayhome. The managers/owners should be able to tell you and get to started on the right path. *more hugs* I really hope things start to look up for you soon
**hugs to you too!!** Sounds like we both have alot to get off our chests lol I gotta hand it to you though, it's so hard for me to keep a positive attitude when things are this rough. But it's true it's not like you can give up. gotta just keep going. I just know that theres gotta be something I can do to make things a little easier. I don't know how you do it with school and all. I'm also trying to go back to school. I really really want an elementary education degree. But the way things are going now, I have no idea how I would ever manage to go back to school on top of everything else. I'm going to look into the daycare thing. The only huge problem is the health insurance, but I think I'm going to look into the child health assistance programs. I'm from Upstate New York. Theres gotta be some way to find out all the information I need. I just feel like whenever I call someone for direction or whatever they end up leaving me more confused. lol. Nobody I've talked to really knows what they're talking about. I guess I'm looking in the wrong places. Anyway, I'm sorry things aren't so great for you either. I really know how you feel. I'm in a very very similar situation. *hugs*hugs*
I agree with the daycare....maybe if you try working outside of the home you might enjoy being away ....and "people" will get off your case about you not pulling your weight ...they will actually view you as working a full time job... when you work from home work and home get blended (its all just more work, really) and its more exhausting... some people arent cut out to be home/mom 24/7... if you are agitated/aggrivated your baby will pick up on that and it will effect his temperament. good luck.
I love being home with him. It's just nearly impossible to care for him while I'm tied to the computer for 9 hours. I really would like to stay home and go back to school. But currently I'm the only one making any income so that is flat out impossible. I'm starting to get shit from my boss for not keeping on top of my work every second because I'm trying to balance it with taking care of my son, and if he needs something he takes priority, but then things get backed up at work and I get bitched at. It's just very stressfull. So... I love staying home with him but I can't handle doing both anymore. working full time and taking care of him. I just don't see any way around it rght now... It's what has worked for me so far, and I don't really know what else to do.
Child Health Plus is available to NY residents who have a weekly income of $528.00 or less for free. You can make more money per week and pay a small fee up to $15.00 per month. This is a pretty good health insurance for your child. That is one step in the right direction. Then, like others have said, look into doing child care or working somewhere that you can take your little one with you. I quit my job last year to stay home with our son. Believe me it's been tight at times, but we're making it. It's far better than the environment he was in in day care. I'm homeschooling now so he isn't being mistreated at school. He's learning on his time table. Good luck to you Lucyloo. And super hugs to you too Kristen. Kathi
wow, that health care thing is definately something to look into. I wasn't sure about programs like that in the US. Here, if you make under $33000/year you qualify to have all your primary health care (doc visits, emergency care, surgical, etc mainly) covered. You still need insurance for everything else under the sun like perscriptions, dental, ambulance, etc, but the basic coverage helps. That, and there's also a program that covers all children under 18 if you're low income for everything, including the dental and all that jazz. Hopefully that program they have in NY is like it is here...I don't know what I would do if I had to worry about health care on top of everything else. I don't care about our waiting lists here in Canada, at least I can get health care if I need it and not have it put me into debt. I really feel bad for you guys in the states for that. Are you having any luck with looking into the daycare stuff? I'm trying to think of other jobs that you could do while having your son there with you... why don't you also look into the college or university there for your teaching degree? especially if there is provided daycare there. Then, if you look into financial aid, if you're low income, you can generally get grants, bursaries or loans to also help with living expenses. Right now, I get paid for going back to school. I don't have to pay for any of my courses, and I get a monthly living allowance of abotu $1300. I also get government benifits for being low income, my my total income myself is about $1800/month. cody makes up the rest we need to live with his job. When I go to university next year, it's a different system (I'm upgrading highschool right now...almost done, lol, then I'm going for Registered Nursing, and eventually, Midwifery)...I have to take out a government loan to pay for my courses and apply for a monthly aid for living costs...which again, if you're low income, you don't have to pay that portion back. I see ads on TV all the time adverstising colleges in the US and they do mention financial assistance in helping people go back to school, so there must be something out there. And even if you would have to pay back a loan for living costs, at least you'll be doing a job that you love and get your life going in a different direction, know what I mean? Oy, that went on for a while, lol. I got your other message, but I figured I would combine most of my reply on here since i can't seem to shut up lol And thanks Dakota's mom
I will definitely try to get child health plus. I make much less than that working full time. I am also definitely going to look into what help I can get going back to school. It would be amazing if they would pay for my living expenses. That would make all the difference in the world. I've just had a bad attitude about it I guess. I've almost had myself comvinced that there is no other way. I just felt stuck in a rut... I've been just really depressed. I have to do something though... so I'm going to look into all that. Thanks everyone
