Nightly Hauntings, Clouding aromas reminding me of times of old. When my days were not Simple- but easily ended, With a full night's rest on the floor-bound matress. Cold windows Seeping in winter breath so Lonely- but easily forgotten, With a handfull of sleeping pills, and a bottle of wine. I do not wish for those lonely months, I do not mourn my loss of love, Because love it was not- Obsession, addiction, penetration An easy destraction, from the purity of true emotion. Comfort found us both in Altered Mind States, relishing in the untrue and unnatural. Leading to a decline Mentally and physically. Together in a descent into cheating, lies, and unsettled thoughts. While I searched for love, He basked in misery. My happiness unraveled His heart of string. Til I removed myself as one removes a limb from a body, half decayed. Nearly killing us both. Still I search for true love, I wish for no more of dishonest disguises, or fleeting feelings of false hope and illusions of grandure. Because that won't help me sleep at night, with an icy draft leaking down my spine. I think not of regression when the bottles seem full. Beckoning boredom betrayal. Descent into a dismal land of dreaming demons. This one I just polished off @ work. It's the longest poem I've written
Wow, this one's fantastic. So stark, sad, and well written! Seems to be pretty personal, so thanks for sharing this... I relate to it! that gave me chills.... strikes home!
Not bad! I like the unit breaks here. They work. I like the clever use of verbs as in 'cold windows seeping' and 'icy draft leaking'. What to do to improve? Beware the unnecessary adjective. You must maintain the demarcation between prose and poetry. Adjectives, unless adroitly used, will skewer you. There is a noun or a verb that will do a better job every time. Well, almost every time. With fewer adjectives your verse becomes lean and with leanness comes power.
