I have been having really weird dreams lately. I dream of other men. Not sexually, and not anyone I know. I just dream that I fall in love with other men or they are courting me and we have such a marvelous time. Problem is that I have a boyfriend and I wake up feeling super guilty. I know the reason I'm having these dreams is because my boyfriend is not very attentive and our relationship is quite strained because we have absolutely NOTHING in common, and nothing to talk about anymore. We can't agree on anything to do together anymore. And it almost feels like we force ourselves to be around each other even if we don't really want to be. He would rather be elsewhere doing things, and I would rather be around people who want to be with me and talk to me and get to know me. I sometimes feel like the only reason I think this way though is because we as women are raised to believe in the fairy tale relationship. I know that is what I want. Like Monica and Chandler on Friends. Or some stupid stuff, like I want a boy to be interested in me and flirt with me and want to spend time with me. Call me because he wants to hear my voice. Talk to me with genuine interest in finding out about me. I want to feel the spark. The giddy feeling you get with someone. The electricity of touching someone. With my boyfriend, I don't get any of this. I have to beg him to hang out with me, then when we do, we fight all of the time (even over what stupid movie to rent). then he complains about how he would rather be doing something else. I don't know what to do. I try, but sometimes I'm at wits end. Then there is a boy at my work. Who I know that I could never have a real relationship with, but it is fun to wonder about in my head. We make googlie eyes at each other, but have never actually spoken. Maybe because I have a boyfriend (I think he knows that). The other problem is that he is about 6 years younger than me and the owner of the company's son. That makes it even more impossible for the relationship to ever happen. But I still wonder. I know what I need to do is let go of my boyfriend and move on with life, but it seems like such a waste of all of these years we've had together. Now I will have to find someone completely new and fall in love with them and have them fall in love with me. Sometimes it is just easier to stay where it is comfortable and deal than it is to completely leave and put yourself out there again. Its really quite depressing. I have tried to talk to my boyfriend. But he doesn't care. He thinks I have my own problem and that is that I don't have enough to do or a hobby. That isn't the problem though I do have hobbies and things I like to do, I just don't obsess over them. And I can't afford to be spending mad money on things like hobbies right now anyway.
