It's hard to meet the right guy.

There's a major university in my town, so this is such a transitory place. I don't really want to get involved with a townie because I know once I finish school I'll have to get a job probably out of the area, so I'm afraid to get to attached to someone who'd be anchored here. This guy I really, really like is not really a "townie" in every sense of the word, but he did get accepted to grad school, so he's going to be here for probably 8 more years. I will probably be here another 4 years at the most. A lot of the dudes I would go for tend to already be taken. I don't have a set "type" or anything, but I do want someone intelligent and self-reliant who isn't a drunk or a heavy tobacco smoker mainly because if I get involved with someone I want them around for awhile, so good health habits are important to me. Also I want someone who is independent enough to take care of themselves but still enjoys companionship and affection. I also want a guy who is sexually very open minded, willing to try new things or at least not judge me on what I like - I have some kinda unusual sexual proclivities and I want someone who isn't going to judge me negatively because of those - I want someone I can be myself with and be honest about things with. I also want someone who enjoys smoking herb, but not every second of the day - I like smoking but in moderation and not having my whole life revolve around it. Believe it or not, it's really hard to find someone who matches that criteria. All the dudes I know who smoke herb are complete stoners all the time, all the guys I've liked turn out to be borderline alkies or chainsmokers. I go for personality first, so sometimes I'm willing to tolerate the bad habits like that, but as I get older I want someone who takes good care of themselves and doesn't engage in a lot of risky behavior. Someone with a good head on their shoulders who gives a damn about the future. I can't find anyone like that in my town that I like. The guys I have found like that usually have a girlfriend or aren't interested in me, or I don't find them attractive (believe it or not, that has to be part of it - you have to find someone attractive). I've always been attracted to different kinds of guys. I actually find guys who have physical flaws a little sexier than guys who are "hot." I dunno, I'm rambling because my brain is fried from cramming for this test I have later, and I have low blood sugar and am stressed from work and life in general, but as time goes on I find myself really wanting to find that one good man. I'm getting older and I really do in my heart of hearts want to find someone to settle down with. It's just really hard to find the right person. I almost married the wrong person 2 years ago - I'm glad I didn't, but I spent 2 years being single and ambivalent about meeting people and now that I'm ready, I can't find anyone! Argh! /rant.

EDIT: Also I wanted to add that it's hard to find a guy around here who isn't an alkie because in a college town, all anyone ever wants to do is get drunk. I'm more into outdoor activities, gardening, biking, and stuff like that for fun. It's hard to find someone close to my age who likes those things - I don't want to date someone my dad's age (also done the may/december romance thing and I don't really want to walk that path again for many reasons) - I want someone in their late 20's early 30's, ya know...and most of those dudes still spend too much time at the bars for my taste.

 

I fit your criteria perfectly except for the fact that I'm straight-edge (no pot for me) but you'd probably ignore me IRL for being an ordinary average Joe.

 

Probably not, and I respect straight-edge folks so long as they don't force me to become straight-edge too To clarify, I'd rather have someone straight-edge than someone who's a total drunk or a total stoner. Define "ordinary, average joe," anyway.

 

I'm one of the hundreds of guys you see every day but take no notice of. Average Joe. I'm ordinary.

 

Well I'm attracted to a wide variety of physical types as I said, and if given the right circumstances and situations were we to meet, you never know what would happen...

 

I'm quiet and shy and I don't follow the herd.

 

well following the herd is definitely a turn-off for me. I'm quiet and shy in most situations with lots of people, but if someone gets to know me, my extrovert comes out.

 

I play chess.

 

Well, I had a traumatic experience learning chess because my grandma taught me and she was really mean about it when I'd mess up (I was all of 5 or 6 when she taught me) so I have issues with it, but if the right person were to re-teach me and be nice about it, I'd be game (pun intended) for re-learning it.

 

sorry to say, but you are very demanding person

 

How do you know that, though? I don't think it's demanding to want those qualities in a partner. Furthermore, you're passing judgment on me based on an internet post. That's not cool. I like your little icon thing in your sig, though...it's cute.

 

you do sound pretty demandin gin your post though, in terms of what you want

mostly in that, you want someone where you are, but who doesnt want to stay where you are... yet you still have 4 years before youre even gone. who knows what will happen then? why not just see what happens in there, rather than worry about how tied down that potential person is?

 

agree

 

You mentioned a gentleman in your second sentence that you 'really, really, like' and say he's a grad student. I would see being a grad student as being a sign of intelligence and stability, in general. If you're looking for a long term relationship, which seems to be the case, you'll be willing to settle down wherever it is that he lives. Figure out whether or not you're in love, and if you are in love, let him know. You should also talk out issues like monogamy, or being faithful to each other.

Try to talk to him about how you really feel. If he listens, good. If he couldn't care less about how you really feel, take a hike, fast.