frusterated

I'm tired of people saying he's not respecting her beliefs. Fuck that bullshit. When they got together she said "wait until marriage" and that was four years ago. Has he fucked her? No.

He's obviously being respectful of her beliefs, because instead of forcing the issue of sex, he's trying to cater to her fucking whims. Just because he's not satisfied doesn't mean he's selfish.

He should just break up with her. She's obviously absent from the relationship anyway; she is not there at all sexually, they only have fun "once or twice" a month, she doesn't do anything to alleviate his frustration or show appreciate for his sacrifice, she's just flippantly "going to go live in a dorm for 4 more years".

Fuck that shit dude. She expects you to put up with that? Bye bye little birdy.

 

Her boyfriend's explanation of the relationship is one-sided and he's frustrated (which I can understand) so do you honestly think he is being fair when he talks about her? If you had a chance to ask her about it do you think she would tell you the same thing?

1.) Our beliefs often come from our parents. If her parents told her "no sex until marriage" and she has chosen to respect that, then it becomes her belief. She is an adult and is capable of making her own choices. Apparently she chooses not to engage in sex with him. For all any of us know she could be a masturbating fool. My point was not to trash her because she doesnt believe in sex before marriage.

2.) We can assume he knew what her beliefs are years ago. In all relationships you make sacrifices. If he didn't want to give up sex he should have ended it years ago. It's not like "no sex" is a new development. Kudos to him for staying, but no one forced him to.

3.) If he wants a guarantee and she won't give him one.....find the door. Seems simple enough...

Maybe he should just walk away. However he cannot place the blame entirely on her for his lack of sex. He chose to stay with her knowing full well that he wasn't going to be having sex with her until marriage. His choice! Now he gets to decide if he wants to keep having a sexless relationship until she decides to get married. Also his choice!

Maybe he is being slefish and inconsiderate because he isn't respecting her beliefs. This could go on and on and on....

 

Yo, shut the fuck up, I've already pointed out how is is respecting her beliefs. He hasn't forced her to do shit.

Relationships all require sacrifice? Really? He's sacrificing sex for emotional fulfillment. Let's see how many women are willing to sacrifice emotional fulfillment for sex.

Yea. This relationship is unfair. He should jet.

 

This is a long discussion, which I am joining late, but here are my thoughts:

1. Like Allonym, I believe it is important for a couple to have intercourse before they are married to see if they are compatable sexually. For both partners to be virgins when they get married is dangerous, as they both can realize they made a terrible mistake after they married.

2. For a woman to hold herself out as a virgin until she is married, but in a long term relationship with no prospect of marriage on the horizon, is not practical today, and it is cruel for the male. You should got to her and tell her your feelings, and ask her to agree to continue to date, but not exclusively. That way you can test your relationship with her and see if there is a real prospect of marriage or a permanent relationship with her. If not, move on.

3. It sounds like both of you are in college now - a time for experimenting in relationships, which you are missing out on. It also sounds like her parents are radically conservative Christians, and may be controlling her. Would this cause problems later in your relationship with her?

The best solution might be for you to take a break from an exclusive relationship with her to test your true feelings and needs.

 

Thank you.

 

Yo, I never said he forced her to do anything! Damn, she must be really good at something if she forced him to stay.

I never said he needed to sacrifice a sex life for her, but he has chosen to for four years. You cannot blame her for him choosing that, no matter how hard you try. He has ALWAYS had the option to leave.

And as for the shut the fuck up comment....thanks for the laugh

 

Hey didn't I tell you to shut the fuck up? I never said she forced him to stay.

God what is it with you and people "forcing" other people? You got some issue or something? A complex?

Do you think maybe he's complaining because he loves her and wants to have a full relationship with her and it's frustrating? Or maybe cuz he's human?

Yeesh.

 

To the OP:

Life is short, be happy while you are here.

If your girlfriend isn't making you happy then you need to move on. It sucks to end a four year relationship, but it's better than being miserable.

 

No. You're just being insistent that he's forcing her to do something, or she's forcing him to do something, and if he wants to have sex and is frustrated it's because he's "not respecting her".

I just want you to shut the fuck up with that bad reasoning, because you're wrong, wrong, and wrong again.

 

What I said was NO ONE FORCED HIM TO STAY! Meaning he cannot whine about not getting laid for 4 years when he could have left, but chose to stay. How is that wrong?

You are right, most people would not give up sex for 4 years for any reason. I wouldn't. My point was to stop blaming her, because he chose it too, so they are both at fault here. He could have left, and probably should have years ago. She should have said "not until marriage, and that date is ____" because then he would have had a light at the end of the tunnel.

I am actually easy to talk to and would have been happy to clarify what I meant, or said "oops, didn't mean that" if I was misunderstood. To tell me to shut the fuck up is rude and uncalled for.

 

Dude, I think you need to chill.... an opinion is an opinion. And you're getting all bent out of shape over nothing.

The OP is going to do what he's going to do anyway, despite everyone's opinions... he's just looking for some options and advice. Everyone's is equally valid based on thier own choices and personal life experience.

 

Hey thanks alot everyone. You all have very good advice and help me see things from her perspective but also help me realize that I'm not being unfair either. It seems like a difference of opinion.

She is my first and only girlfriend I've ever had and I love her immensly. I believe she needs a change in her life such as getting out on her own, I think that will really help her think for herself and not feel so much pressure from me and her parents.

It's unfair of me to say I'm totally miserable because I'm not. She makes me very happy, but sometimes things begin to build up and I get frusterated and upset.

I have created some questions and ideas that I will pose to her and see how she reactes. These results may help top one option over the other.

Thank you to everyone who supported me and understood what I'm going through, it's good to know someone understands.

I would also like to thank everyone who defended her. She's a great girl and through all of this I remain by her side and that speaks volumes to me. There have been so many things she has done for me that obviously I have not mentioned due to the irrelivancy to the topic. I don't believe she truely does not care about my physical desires, I think she's torn between what she believes and what people are telling her to believe.

Thanks again everyone,
Kyle

 

Kyle - you are a good guy and would make a kind, considerate husband for any woman...

 

I second that.