This is really difficult, I have been straight all my life, never a doubt in my mind, and have always enjoyed the fun I have had with girls. I have started seeing someone amazing for 6 or 7 weeks now, and thought that I was falling in love with her, so sure in fact I was all set to tell her. Then about 3 weeks ago we were fooling around in bed and she wasnt quite getting touching me right, and I lost my erection. Automatically I thought I must be impotent, or gay. Since that day I have been a wreck, I can't get that thought out of my mind, I suffer from OCD or Anixety and have been depressed before, and tend to focus on my problems to the point of obsession. But Im frightened, nay terrified that there is substance to my worry, I mean why can't I dismiss it? In all the problems and troubles I have suffered at my own imagination I have always been so sure of my sexuality. I was ready to tell this girl I loved her and whenever she touched me it excited me, still does when im not thinking to much, was fantasising about her this morning again, and we spoke on the phone and we were flirting and it was also exciting. Whenever we have fooled around since it plays on my mind about staying hard or whether I will come now. Am I reading to much into this? I cant suddenly be gay just like that can I? I seem to have switched off from everyone around me, like from looking at every girl to none now. I want so bad for this relationship to work, why am I thinking this? We are both at seperate uni's, and Im obsessing and she is bound to notice on the phone. I am really alone in this. I have obsessed about my state of mind, my health, now this. It feels like im a wreck just like those other times. I have had two long term relationships, that went spectacularly wrong, and then I spent a long time just having fun with girls. I became tired of the emptiness of that and wanted to try a relationship and this amazing girl came along. It feels like im out to get myself. Im 22 years old, this just doesnt happen. Am i obsessing about the wrong thing? I dont fancy men, or feel that I would ever do so or want a boyfriend. I dont wanna break up with this girl. Yet i cant stop thinking about this, if ive thought it, then it must be the case is all I can think, I keep thinking how do others think this, then realise they are not. Does that happen? When Im clear headed all i want is her. Since last night I have been awful. Help me please...
And I am ACHING to tell her I love her but Im frightened of doing so, and I miss her so badly. I want her here. I feel so guilty and horrible for having these thoughts when a few weeks ago I was so happy. And she is too, completely unaware. The one constant in this is that I love her.
Lets keep this simple: (A) you aren't gay (B) Tell her you love her (C) Stop obsessessing about your erection. There that was easy wasn't it...now send me a check for $50.00 and its all done...just kidding. No, you don't go instantly gay, Yes, some times the mightest meat just wants to lay around and do nothing. If you really just like worrying about things, there are always nutcase world leaders, famine, global warming, fundamentalists, and the wombat shortage in Tangiers. Cheers, Steve
Thanks man, that was exactly the sorta thing I need to hear. Just hope I can move past it, and soon. Im turning into a recluse at the minute. I know I sound pathetic but its really getting to me. Making me cry even. I don't wanna have to worry about it anymore.
I have OCD as well,and suffer from panic attacks,etc..It's really easy to let the smallest thing get way out of proportion;I know this all too well.As yarapario said;you're not gay.Just cause you didn't get it up one time when you were with her doesn't mean anything!Tell her how you feel about her,and move forward,man.Sounds like you have something good going for you,and what you're worrying about isn't anything to be stressing about at all.
I am more obsessing about the being gay part now, I mean how is someone supposed to tell if they are gay, or they are (hopefully) just doing what I am doing? Its not a problem really about the erection thing, but I cant tsop thinking about it. Is it possible for someone to think this then realise it isnt the case? I mean if that inicident hadnt happened then I wouldnt even be considering this would I. Im freaking out so badly.
Haha fair enough im really drunk but we been talking all night and she loves me!!! she told me!!! No doubt tomorrow i will wake up with the same worries but Im so happy right now!!!
Unless you're attracted to guys there's nothing to worry about, and even if you were it wouldn't matter. Your in a relationship with your girlfriend and you love her, should you discover that you are attracted to guys it doesn't automatically make you gay, you might be bisexual, but for now this doesn't matter, focus your energies on your relationship and stop fussing over a very minor issue. Who you are attracted to doesn't make you a better or worse person and and a 'flop' is no real indication of your sexuality, how do you think you got hard in the first place if you weren't attracted to her.
Thanks for the reply man, I have woken up with still the same worries on my mind, I knew I would, went to bed in such a good mood and now Im worried bout it again, was dreaming about her but when I started to come to I began worrying about it some more, over analysing fantasising about her.
If you woke up thinking and fantasizing of her and not anyone else then what's the problem? If there is nothing to suggest that your not straight then where is the issue? Please explain.
Its moment I start I suddenly think about the fact that I have considered that Im gay, even though Im not but I feel bad for thinking it. I have massive anxiety problems and suffer from OCD. Only thing I know for sure is that I love her
Just wanna get past the idea is all, its just hard to appreciate that people can have confused thoughts like this and thats all they really are, just been a worrying period is all, I feel better today, just gotta move on from it.
Glad you're feeling better today. As others have said, you're not gay. Sometimes shit like that happens in the bedroom. No big deal, it happens. As Bishie Lover said, you must be attracted to her if you got hard in the first place. Things will be back tomorrow just as soon as you quit stressing over this I hope these replies ease your mind and I'm jealous that you're able to be with such a wonderful partner.
Thank you for that reply, I am really grateful. I feel a bit calmer today and I really miss her a lot. I love her
just relax- just because you lost your erection because a girl was touching you doesnt mean you're gay!. you said it yourself-she wasnt touching you well. tell her, and guide her. next time, just empty your head (if you do meditation it's easier)-and enjoy her touch
I wish I had neevr let this stupid thought enter my head, its making me miserable. Cant stand it. Why the hell have I gone asexual since said stupid incident. I dont even feel like speaking to her rigth now. Its making me sad that Im having to deal with this everyone.
Im screamin inside, why cant i get this out of my head. I dont wanna have to deal with this, its not fair when I was so happy just a month ago. This just doesnt happen. It feels like I have lost everything masculine about myself, why can't I move on?
And now I have just been on the phone to her all night and its not troubled me whatsoever...been in a perfect mood and was even flirting...hmmm i really am obsessing arent I. Wish I was this clear headed all the time. Just gotta get past it.
You say that you have OCD. Clearly you're obsessing over something that everyone else is telling you is a non-issue. Are you under treatment of any kind thru a professional? You need to be having this conversation with them.
The issue here is OCD not sexuality...Ive had the same problems myself (I too have been diagnosed OCD) My main obsessions are sexual, religious, and violence...What you have to do is just let your thoughts come and go, and stop attaching emotional significance to them. It was a long and hard battle for me, and although im in a much better state now (continuing on with my life, dealing with anxiety more constructively, and using logic to combat illogical thoughts which is essentially CBT that you would do with a therapist, and if you're not seeing one now I would highly reccomend it) but at the end of the day, I still have OCD. My doubts and unwanted obessions often pop up at the most inoppertune times, but I have the tools to deal with them. You may eventually overcome this obsession, but you will always have OCD. You need to learn how to deal with it and live your life regardless of what it tells you. The content of your obsession is irrelevent. Its how you handle it that matters. hope this helps. Good luck with your girl! if she loves you, you should let her know whats going on with you (if you feel comfortable) and keep showing her that you love her. She just might be the rock that helps you overcome this.
