I never do this, please don't be too harsh..

hey maria,I completely understand where your coming from in this situation.

Yes people do get karma for bad stuff they do in their lives ,but you dont put karma in your own hands.Although you did mistreat Scott,if he loved you and cared about you then he wouldn't have been so bitter,or maybe thats his way of getting over you.In the andy situation you should have let scott come over and stay w/ u ,when he was there to show andy how much you cared about him, and to not try anything.It would have also let scott know how much you cared .But either way any situation thats happend w/ scott or any other guy in the past ,Is The Past.Put it behind you and move on.I know its easier said than done.You just have to learn from your mistakes in the relationship w/scott and make sure not to do them again.its going to be hard to be W/ someone else for a while which is a positive and a negative.Positive is youll be stronger in the long run and be able to cope w/ things better.Some advice on getting out of a long term relationship is to pick up a hobby.maybe a hobby to express yourself more(like painting,writing,or whatever it is you like to do most).Hang out w/ ur friends more, it will make you feel ten times better.Read a book.Well you get it.Anyways,I hope everything works out for you and good luck.

 

Scott didn't want to really be ther ewhen Andy was there but I was sure to be extra sweet to him when Andy was there. Like bought him beer and told andy I was buying it for Scott. One evening, I just went over and hung out with Scott when andy stayed at my apt. The thing is, I would of done more if I would of known, but he wasn't honest with how he felt. He was probably afraid I was going to deny him so it would just be easier for him to hide his feelings and I denied him rather then him wear them on his sleeves and then I deny him.
I realized now that I can't do anything more for us. Just like before, when I was a bitch Scott couldn't do anything to stop the fighting. I wasn't willing to so he stood no chance. Well now there is nothing I can do to stop the fighting because HE is not willing to so I don't stand a chance. I will just get burned out by helping him and his negativity if I continue to be present in his life. He will just be bitter towards me as I help him and I'm not going to put myself through that. It was foolish of him to go through that with me. I won't be going through that with him. It won't benefit him, it won't benefit me, it won't benefit us.
The only way WE can work is if WE want it to. Not one at a time but both of us at the same time. I do love him very much. I love him like my family, my best friend, and possibly as a lover... all though that really needs to be determined after we both try.
I can only do what I think is best, and that is for me to stay clear of him for the ime being. Whenever... WHENEVER, he is ready to work things out then I will want to, even if at that time we can only be friends because one of us is dating someone else.
But I'm not a mind reader, and I can't handle trying to read into his feelings and understand hidden messages. There is no chance for a relationship is there is not open communication and honesty. That is something he needs to fix on his own in order to be a healthy contributor to a healthy relationship. I will be there for him if he takes the first step of saying he wants help.
I do miss him very much but I have no intentions of calling him. Not out of pride, but I think this is what he wants and needs at least right now in his life.

 

You just need to give it time.

 

Wow. I don't know what to say. Karma will prevail in the end. What you sow, you will receive.

Peace and love

 

.

 

Wow from what I've read, I think you two should be done once and for all. You actually kind of sound like a heinous bitch, not that I am calling you one. Hope all works out for the best.

 

l

 

what is wrong with some of you?

this girl pours her heart out and needs help with something that is huge in her life and all you can say is "I am not helping and/or reading, it is to long" or you complain about some minor detail. well who cares!!! I guess she may not need help from someone who is like that anyways. Whats the point of coming in here and basically saying "I'm not responding." It is a waste of your time for writing it and a waste of her time to read it and helps no one. You wouldn't like that kind of response if you were in her shoes, or similar shoes. No one cares if you think it is to long. don't discourage her and say "No one will read it cause it is to long" How the hell do you know? that shit pisses me off. people shouldn't be afraid to spill their hearts or fear that they are writing to much. I understand why she had to make it so long, otherwise some of you same people might be telling her all sorts of crazy crap and taking information and going off in all sorts of crazy directions with odd assumptions.

So is it a new rule now? The next time my friend comes for advice, I will cut him/her off at ten minutes, otherwise, it is to damn long, no matter how complicated the situation is. damn, some people..Okay enough with the sarcasm, end of rant too.

glad to see other people took the time and read it and gave some feedback. I knew eventually that would happen as I read through the posts.

Anyways, You seem to have come around but maybe it was to late. I don't want to say to little, because genuine and sincere effort is never to little. But it sounds like you are dealing with someone who has not grown up emotionally. Maybe someday he will realize what a big opportunity he missed.

You have obviously grown during these two years, it seems like he has not. But at least this will be a learning exp. for you.

Even if his family treats him less than desirable, it is still family in the end, I don't think it is your place to judge. even if they treat him like shit, it doesn't mean he should return the favor in any way. and maybe there is a lot that you miss. Even if he or anyone complains about family, there is still that love and that desire to strengthen bonds. Maybe that is why he moved in with his dad, it wasn't a good idea to get pissed about that, I wouldn't have gotten hurt. Maybe that was part of why he was pissed.

How are things going now?

 

I think you should find someone else to hook up with, and have him as a friend. It's very nice of what you did to him, treating him when his family did not. But things could be worse, I remember in the hospital, a little boy had some disease and needed surgery done. His family did not show up at all. I know this because I was hospitalized right next to him in the same room. Anyway, it seems as both of you too did some crazy things to each other. Sure, he wanted to be with his family, because maybe its that he felt comfortable around him, and he knew that even though they didnt do much, that they wouldnt leave him. Also, maybe he though of you as only a friend. I mean, he was a one lady kind of guy, and wanted someone who loved him. You said you went out and hooked up with a few guys and whatever while dating. He was commited to you and trusted you. You lost that when you broke his trust by hooking up with some old friends. Maybe he moved on, and wanted to be with someone else.

anyway, as for leaving pissed off over sex with lela. maybe its time that you grow up and move on. I mean, you hooked up with guys, and grinded and gave out handjobs. Your beliefs and his are not the same when it comes to sex. He clearly said he wanted to see if he still had it, while earlier, you said you kissed andy because of family problems or whatever. You should be more considerate of this. Another statement says that you two were broken up. Whatever he does and you do while seperated, is personal. You asked him to tell you about lela, and he was honest and did. If you dont like that, than you shouldnt have asked or left him, let alone hurt the relationship by doing the sinful things you did to him while you were together. Now, im not saying this is 100% your fault or his, but you have got to realize that you two hurt eachother, and should forgive one another. Both of you fucked with each others heads and feelings. More so you than him. I mean he wanted a love relationship. You should have told him you didnt want that at the very beginning.

I personally would forgive him, as he has to you, and try to either work things out if you truly love him, or move on and find someone else you can commit too. Its not your job to take care of someone if you feel bad, he could have handled that himself.

just my 2 cent rant, you can either take it, or throw it away. good luck and do whats right for you.

 

whats wrong with us? nothing, we were just letting her know why a good many of us werent able to give out a great deal of advice, either limitd advice or even none at all. *shrugs* its better to inform someone as to why they arent getting a ton of advice, than to just completely ignore them, wouldnt you say?

 

I completely agree with Carlfloydfan the continuing sniping about things that in the face of the problems of Maria420, should appear as trivial as they are is vile. Stop it.
I read all the posts and there is so much I could comment on
but I wont so this may sound glib but this is a situation that will end badly so it best to end it sooner. Return the paper work to him and while I wouldn't say you should sever all ties with him you should withdraw if he doesn't understand that will be unfortunate but if he's a good person he will one day. I have a lot of sympathy for you both but nether of you can help each other.

Many Hugs

 

Woah, what a story. It sounds like both of you have donw the right thing and then the wrong thing, done good and bad things, and I couldn't say either one of you is more right than the other.

You've been through a lot with this guy, I think you should still stay friends with each other, but a relationship has tried and failed so many times, it seems like it would be a struggle to try again.

I think you need to cut out all the extra jargon, how much money/time/lies/truths have been spent on each other, and ask yourself what you really feel, what it is you want. If after everything that has happened you still want to be with this guy and you still love him, then tell him so, in pure and simple fact. If you two are to have any kind of relationship in the future though, I think you need to call the past the past, and start anew with each other. Be prepared for the guy to say no, and if that is his decision, then accept that, and accept it as final, so you can move on with your life.

The same if you decide you can't be with him, make the decision, and make it stick, being uncertain about things will only prolong this limbo like situation you have been in.

In any case, having read your posts, you seem like quite a stressed and anxious person, please don't take this the wrong way, it just seems like you need to do something for yourself, just so you can relax. You say you do meditation, but when you meditate, do you really let yourself relax? Like completely clear your mind? I always find that yoga is ideal for me, everyone needs a way that they can get a mental escape from the stresses of life sometimes.

I hope you find a way through
Peace & love x

 

Well to just clearify a few things...
I did tell him in the very beginning I didn't want a relationship, but the problem was I told him with my words and my actions would contradict it at times, So I was with these other guys when we were not dating, although he wanted us to be dating.

furthermore, I was not upset that he did sleep with someoen, yes maybe the moment I heard it, and for a couple days, but I wasn't after I got over the inital hurt. It was more of the fact that he yelled at me for being hurt like I was a terrible person for feeling emotional pain that the guy I loved enjoyed having sex with someone other then me.

And He hasn't forgiven me. He is in denial still so he can't forgive me.


As to what Carlfloyd asked..., first off thanks!
I haven't spoken to him for a month now. Last time he called he was yelling at me about his belongings which I put into his apartment and mailed him the key. I asked him not to call me again unless he cares to apologize. He told me a few things that were way beyond terrible that I don't care share or think about. I don't really plan on calling him. I may think about it and try to be a good person and just call since he's in a bad medical condition. But if he wasn't in a terrible condition I defintiely would not even consider calling him right now.

His family has never been there for him. His father gave his sister up for adoption when she was 2 or 3 and signed the papers in a mcdonalds and continued eating his burger after he signed it. he punched his pregnant gf in the stomach and told her to get an abortion. he's done alot of abortions in his time. his father has said how he thinks that scott is semi retarded. There are two people in this world I can not stand and he is one of them. I do not plan on ever seeing him again. How he could feel more comfortable with someone who has abandoned him over and over is beyond me but it's not worth it to try and understand.

I just happened to sign onto hipforums and read this post again. I'm not interested in thinking about him anymore. Too many thoughts have gone into this. It reminds me of the song, "I've come so far and tried to hard but in the end, it doesn't even matter."
I've moved on.
Thanks again for your positive words.