The Ballad of Whitlam (warning - this is a fucking novel)

Dear Hip Forums Person,

Its not really what you'd call a prediciment I suppose. Prediciments are sort of short lived problems...like the flipside of apiphony or something, but anyway this is my very long post about me and my story which is just as exciting as the next and last post you read and will mean as much to you as everything you've seen on the blasted internet = nothing. But if your quasi-intelligent, please give me your two cents becuase im a hermit with about four good friends..who i still cant ask their opinions for some reason.

So my first love (i think its important that i point out was my first love), left me for another man...twice. I took her back the first time because she seemed to really love me...and i guess she did. But by the second time I'd had enough you know, so i did the best thing to do at the time (the worst thing to do in hindsight) and decide to completely cut of all contact with her. So basically went from being tight with her to never talking to her and never seeing her. We'd known each other from a very early age, which made my alive-at-the-time spiritual side to get all brain washed into beleiving in soul mates...which isnt helping me now, as you will read.

So after about 6 months my faded little heart clinged to this wonderfully weird girl (lets refer to her as "Wallflower") at my school who listened to Jeff Buckley under the Autumn trees with me. She was a mess and so was I and we connected like the screwed up individuals we were. I still knew that I would always love my first girl, lets refer to her as "Elmer". So with Elmer in my heart and Wallflower in my soul I continued living, never talking to one and completley surrounding myself with the other. Untill the two both evenly sort of shared my heart...like a line down the middle you know? But Ive been loyal to Wallflower for about a year now. Because...well she is part of me. She had helped me so much and I have helped her.

I'll put it into some kind of understandable term -

I got to know what "love" was first with Elmer, becuase I has never experienced the feeling of "love" before and everything that goes with it...

Then I find this sort of different kind of "love" that I feel for Wallflower...both are strong but I guess becuase Elmer got in first I sometimes beleive that, that particular love I felt for her is more real or something. But i couldnt dream of leaving Wallflower becuase I would miss her and cry into my pillow as iI love her...but I cant feel completely happy whilst with her, becuase I get these pangs of Elmerness.

I talk to Elmer now...shes happy with her boyfriend, the one she left me for...(he looks exactly like syd barrett..well I used to say that just so Elmer looked shallow and I looked like the moral, decent one)

I can easily be happy with Wallflower, I just have to turn off the part of me that still loves Elmer...which I can do, but feels sort of cheap doing so becuase some little man in the depths of my imagination (or soul) tells me that those feelings deserve more credit then they are getting.

Of course Im happy with Wallflower. Becuase shes amazing.

I guess the word "love" is a word for a million feelings...two of which in my life are designated for two different girls, both of which match my personality like a pair of cards in that memory game.

If youve read this far, you deserve a medal....and please let me know what you think. I've never told anyone before...strangers are easy to tell stuff to. So be a nice stranger and give me some words...you dont have to have an opinion...maybe just tell me to read such-a-such book or tell me that I shouldnt beat myself up over it etc.

Thanks for your eyes and time,

Love
Whitlam

 

Thats a no brainer. Stay with the girl you are with and break off all contact with the first girl. She cheated on you and isn't really even interested in you, why would you risk what you have for that?

 

my first gf is still my best friend and i kinda feel similar as you do, that i could never feel 100% devoted to another person. but your first girl doesnt seem to reliable, so i woudnt go back to her. if you stay with wallflower, then i think over time the pangs for the first girl will gradually become less and less frequent.
and it seems like wallflower is sweet and needs you more.
good luck.

 

Here's an epiphany....loving the person you are with will make you happier than loving someone from the past.

Relegate the ex to a place of fond memories in your heart and mind, and focus all of your love and affection of your current love.

 

Thats it. Thanks