"I Can't Come In To Work Today Because..."

lmfao yo-yo lol love it

i cant come in cuz i have anal-glaucoma......yea i cant see my ass coming into work today lol
prolly been done but i tried lol

 

I just cant get my catsup packet sculpture of the Taj Mahal right

 

This is easily treated with a marijuana suppository.

 

My stalker called in sick and I dont feel safe leaving my home without him following me.

 

Lol!

 

Sorry, it's Stay Home Tuesday for me. I cannot miss my personal reflection time.

 

I got a paper cut and its really nasty.

 

I ate a burrito I found on the subway and now I feel kind of funny.

 

i thought i fart but i sharted and know its runnin down my leg..

 

My fingers keep bleeding from the electric chainsaw.

 

big huge clouds of gnats

 

I'm really sick and my grandmother was going to pick me up and take me to the hospital but she died at the wheel and ran over my dog.

 

They installed a time lock on this bathroom stall, and I am stuck here for anothe 23 hours and 16 minutes

 

...I woke up with my head sewn to the carpet.

 

I have alcoholic constipation -I cannae pass the pub.
or
I walked into a bar -it was an iron bar.

 

be vewy, vewy quiet, I'm hunting wabbits

 

its not monday! wtf r u talkin bout? im goin back to sleep!

 

midget stole my unicycle

 

because i'm on assignment from my other job, which involves u.f.o. abductions.

=^^=
.../\...

 

Its National "Buy your Boss a pickle and a home pregnancy test" day, and theres a long line at the pharmacy