This is just a short piece i had to write for homework describing 1 day of the summer holidays. A Summers Day I awoke to the singing of birds on a May morning feeling content. Looking out the window I could see a mellow sun shining its light onto my garden (a rarity for an Irish summer) and the cool breeze making the flowers lazily dance around, it was going to be one of those perfect summer days. Regardless of all the things you could do on a day like this my friends and I, being too lazy to do any of those other things, would just find a place in town to sit and have random conversations for hours. After meeting up with my friends the day went as I predicted and after talking we retired to the shade of the trees in the park, I had brought my guitar so we decided to sing songs as we listened to the lovely passer-by’s shout “hippies” at us, typical behaviour for the times we live in. The day began to grow shorter, the sun was almost obscure and the sky had turned to a strawberry like colour. We all said our goodbyes to each other and I began the walk home eager to feel the comfort of a chair after hours of sitting on the ground. I suppose if people want then they could reply with a piece about 1 day of their summer but i only really put this up here cause i wasn't on the forum all summer.
Probably good for a "C-" on the ABCDF scale. Your teacher will give you a passing mark. Your spelling and grammar are quite good. Don't quit your day job to become a writer. On the other hand, I appreciate that you didn't ask to take this course, and you had no input into what you have to do to pass it, and that you have been threatened many times with the horrible things which will happen if you don't pass your courses. In fact, there is one hell of a lot of things you would rather be doing, other than completing another goddamn assignment. So, I'm not unsympathetic to your situation.
I suppose if people want then they could reply with a piece about 1 day of their summer... ***************** Shit! Fuck! I lunge upward with all my strength and grab a knob of rock with my left hand. I am 40 meters above the deck and 10 meters above my last piece of protection. My feet scrabble upwards on the cliff face, feeling for an irregularity. My right foot finds a small shelf about 2 cm wide I'd seen earlier. I'm panting like a goddamn fish. My right hand joins my left hand on the jug hold and my feet come up a little farther to a stable position. Now I reach upward with a carabiner in my right hand, clip into a bolt waiting above in the rock face, drop my right hand, and bring the rope up and through the carabiner as my belayer takes in slack. There is a God, and He does answer prayer.
Now I could be wrong but I think you misunderstood the purpose of this piece, it's just descriptive writing meaning that it doesn't have to start with a BANG! or a "Shit! Fuck!" nor does it have to grip the reader and make him/her anxious to know what happens next but rather just to broaden your descriptive writing to use the skill in later more serious work according to what my teacher said anyway. It's just practice for homework and not something I’m looking to be praised for. But anyway thanks for the criticism and all that jazz, peace.
