I saw post on writing while drunk and remembered that I wrote this on a napkin at "The Balcony Club" and I was drunk that night and thought it was fine time to share my drunk poem writing. Please add your comments and/or poems written while drunk on this thread. On the Balcony There is a void no cigarette can fill. Alcohol inspires thoughts of dead futures. Music is life. Soaking, ripping, surging through a somber night filled with worries, through a somber life filled with doubts. It’s a buoy among men, but not tonight not on this balcony. One final stirring pulse, but tomorrow is still fading. Wavering dreams die to one more measure. humming slowly forward with eyes closed, you Draw in smoke you Exhale breath.
I like this a lot. The first couple of lines just really hit the nail on the head for me. The idea of music as a saviour too, is a pretty apt comparison. One thing I didn't get was the last two lines, but that's probably because I'm sober when reading it. Another good poem by Vetty. I'm turning into a fan, I think. Peace. A.
Thanks Aidan, the last two lines is kind of the "killer".... and related to cigarettes in the opening. You Draw in smoke, you Exhale breath (life). The music is not enough, not this night. The humming slowly forward, eyes closed has an entire different meaning if you remember the person is on the balcony. That night I was drinking with a person who was grieving the death of their spouse of 20+ years so some of what they were going through was flowing through me. Thanks again, I'm a fan of your poems too. You have nice work.
Yeah. I get it. Being on the balcony does actually make all the difference to how I understand this poem. Thanks for explaining. It makes more sense to me now and is a more complete poem. Peace, A.
I went to a poetry workshop last night and took this poem and this a.m. made some changes based on feedback. I thought I would share the "new" version and see what you think. Let me know if you wonder about the changes and I'll be glad to explain. On the Balcony There is a void no cigarette can fill. Alcohol ignites thoughts of dead futures. Music is life. Soaking, ripping, surging through a night of worries through a life of doubts, a buoy among men, but not tonight not on this balcony. One final stirring pulse but tomorrow is still fading dreams die to one more measure stepping forward eyes closed, you draw in smoke you exhale life.
I particularly like this line now. To ignite rather than to inspire. Inspiration feels more like a positive whereas to ignite alludes to burning carnage and wreckage or something that could get out of control. I still get the overall feel for the poem but it seems to read more freely now. I wish there were some poetry workshops or something like that here. They probably do exist, just not in English. I really like what you do with your words and am learning a lot from your work and blog. Peace, A.
Thanks Cassifrass and Aidan... it's good to finally feel like a poem is "done". Sometimes you throw something in a poem and you are not sure why... sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. At the class the verbs: inspiring and humming (humming forward) were mentioned as not quite seeming "right." So I worked with it and after searching a thesauras online and trying several words I finally decided that "ignite" worked best because it also tied into the cigarette image in the second line. I'm glad you think it's better now. Vetty
