Ok I thought this would be a good place for this thread, if not I am sorry. Anyway I wanted to post this because I have a growing concern for a friend of mine, Mary. I think she is bulimic. She is about 150lbs and around 5'4". She says she wants to get down to about 125-130 and she will be happy. Mary used to be very overweight, within the past two years she has lost a grand total of about 60lbs. She has always been very self concious and for some reason even more so now. Mary has been hanging out with this other girl who was 280lbs and got gastric bypass, so she is losing weight rapidly and always making comments to Mary about it. Such as " i am skinnier than you" i am sorry but this chick is not skinnier than Mary, this girl has loose fat folds from being so overweight. She is constantly doing things and saying things to make Mary feel inadequate. I notice after Mary eats certain foods she will go to the bathroom and come back and her eyes will be all watery I've caught her in the act and she acts like its nothing. She refuses to eat fast food, wont drink anything that has calories, except maybe the occasional alchololic beverage. I know Mary cant tell her mom or dad because they will get angry(trust me i know them). Im not sure if she has a doctor she can see either. Its more so when she eats something fatty, she eats and then immediatley feels remorse and feels like she will get fat if she dosnet get rid of it right away. She dosnet throw up everyday either. What should I do? I have tried talking to her...
i used to throw up when i ate fatty food because it made me feel physically sick to have it in my stomach, but i was never bulimic. as long as she isnt doing it after everything she eats, i dont think it's a big deal. just be there to support her and encourage her to not let it get out of control. give her reasons not to throw up (tooth erosion, damage to esophagus and fingers, etc) and encourage her to eat healthy food. make it a team effort. for example, tell her that for a week neither of you will eat unhealthy food that she may feel like she has to throw up, and see if after that week she doesnt feel better. she may not lose weight, but the renewed feeling of vitality may encourage her to eat healthy so that she isnt binging and purging and developing an eating disorder. i was a serious junk food addict not too long ago, but since becoming vegan about 2 weeks ago or so (i'm not saying she has to go that far) i've lost 5 lbs and i havent had that gross feeling i used to get in my stomach from eating all that fatty food. and as far as that other girl who is always putting her down, fuck her! she cheated! she got gastric bypass instead of dealing with her weight, so she has no room to brag whatsoever.
SHe needs to get away from her friend. I was in and out of treatment for it up until 2 years ago and relapsed when I became sexually active again. It took thinking my fiancee had caught me to finally realize how sick it is and quit not too long after I started again, not only mentally, but let's face it it's a freaking disgusting habit. How old is she?
I agree with that. If anyone would have told me my co-payments for dental this year would be over 5k and I would constantly need root canals and fillings and gum cutting I would have stopped a lot sooner
Does she live at home? Does she get along *somewhat* with her parents (ie do they not hate each other)? If so, tell her parents. This sounds bad, but I used to have an eating disorder too, as did my best friend, and I 100% suggest telling her parents if they get along well enough to help the situation and not freak out and make it worse. EDs are the worst because they are REALLY difficult to deal with as an outsider, and even harder if you're the one with it. Therapy is pretty much the only thing that will help, but the hard part is getting them to accept that they NEED the help! Try talking to a counsellor (are you guys in college? School counsellors usually know how to deal), or a doctor, or someone. Don't ignore it, because these can be incredibly dangerous, both physically and mentally. Other than that, just be there for her, don't make her feel judged (it's a fine line between "I'm worried because I love you" and sounding judgemental), listen, and try to keep her away from really high-pressure situations- don't force her to eat because it will make her feel 100 times worse and not help anything, try not to make your plans revolve around food...and good luck It's so sweet of you to care for her and to be AWARE (so many people with eating disorders are so secretive and everyone else doesn't even let the idea cross their mind so no one knows for long periods of time), and to want to help. It's really difficult for everyone, and it takes a lot of effort and love, but it can be dealt with! The main emotions EDed people feel are lonliness, isolation, depression, and worthlessness, so if you can help with any of those it will make a difference for her.
she is 20. she hasnt hung out with this other girl in awhile. Im telling you I cnat tell her parnents no matter how calm i am they wont respond rationally. she lives at home and her parents are together. i think that answers everyones questions
well if she's not binging she's not bulimic.. sounds like she's anorexic with throwing up as well... well she can't be classified as anorexic until her body weight is insanely low... anyway i'm not sure what you can do. try to help her feel good about herself other than her looks.. help to concentrate on something other than that... get her out of the house and doing something wholesome like volunteering maybe? i do think getting her professional help could be a good idea because vomiting often and not eating is very very bad for her health
It not always true that bulimics always binge. Does she admit that she is making herself sick? I didn't read any where that she is not eating? Is that true? You have to be really careful and not push too hard when it comes to eating disorders people will lash out and things will get worse.
I know eating disorders inside and out so please listen. As someone who has suffered (not bulimic but anorexia) and as someone who now speaks at high schools and other public events about it. -First, eating disorders have a VERY low recovery rate. -The sooner she gets help, the better she recovers and will remain recovered. -They are very tricky to figure out. Most likely she will enjoy this newfound thing and try to protect it. She will become secretive and so you may not know that anything is wrong or to what extent. -Find her good resources. Bulimia is not a method to lose actual weight. Most lose some at first but you never really see a skinny bulimic unless they have anorexic tendencies. Plus, it fucks up your teeth horribly, also your fingernails, hair, not to mention the horrible consequences like damage to the esophogus, liver, heart, etc. She could have a heart attack, etc. etc. Plus bulimics are throwing up clogging toilets, in the garbage, in containers they keep in their rooms for weeks. It's not glamorous. Get her the details. -She may not be binging now, but if she is indeed bulimic and it progresses further she will start. So keep an eye out for hidden stashes of junk food and stuff like that. It's very nice of you to care about her. The fact that she lost 60 pounds in two years tells me that she was going about it in a healthy way. Thats a reasonable amount to lose in 2 years. But now that she is throwing up, even if just a few times here and there is a bad sign. It's not ok. Her friend does not sound healthy for her to be around. If you notice her weight bounce up and down a lot, swollen cheeks and glands, cut fingers, i'd say there is a good chance of an eating disorder. Also check for laxatives. A lot of bulimics use them too, and they do NOT work. All your calories are absorbed by that point. Good luck with your friend. If you need any resources let me know.
The diagnosis of bulimia refers to periods of binge eating (eating a lot more than normal in a short period of time) followed by compensatory behaviour - the most common of which are self induced vomiting or the use of laxatives however they also include fasting, over excercise etc. therefore yes all bulimics binge eat as thats the main criteria. purging type anorexics or EDNOS sufferers may purge but not binge. However just cos its not bulimia doesnt mean its healthy. you sound like a great friend to be so concerned but all you can do is keep talking to her you cant solve the problem for her.
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. I've read this whole thread. I think my girlfriend has bulimia. It's basically a paradox, as she thinks it's no big deal and doesn't want to talk about it, so I care and love her so much that she may end up hating me... God. I'm going to give up the love of my life to help her... I feel horrible...
