That's no give and take this sounds more like copying someone's actions. But you just can't grasp the concept of doing something to someone and not getting it back because the other person doesn't feel comfortable. I'm sure those who like eating off their partner's asses don't force them into it. And for the record I dislike you too and I don't care whether you respond or not.
Relationships are about compromise. While I can see your point of why should you settle for a life partner that doesn't satisfy your needs, I do think it is fairly narrow minded and immature. If your unwilling to compromise why should she? The bottom line is no one is perfect and there are no perfect partners. If you aren't willing to overlook certain things you will never be happy with anyone. Again your point of how you would dwell on it and eventually it would lead to divorce is a problem with YOU not with her. You have to learn to accept and compromise as well. Otherwise once she does give in and let you have anal sex what are you going to dwell on next??? That she doesnt swallow? She doesn't fold your underwear a certain way? She doesn't scratch your ass like you like?
Look. Dark Mage is a sensitive guy who is expressing his particular needs..he's not forcing his views on anyone just expressing a preference & I entirely agree with him...for me who is seriously into anal..i'ts not the be all and end all of a relationship...but when you know exactly what you want in a person...then it's the icing on the cake... regards Andrew andyrang@hotmail.co.uk
I just think that an ultimatum of No anal sex = Goodbye, is an issue. And the issue is with him. First of all he could be passing up on several very good women with this narrow minded attitude. Secondly, Love and marriage and commitment are about so many things and sex is just one of them. If you are so obsessed with anal sex, that all the other things become insignificant as you dwell on the lack of anal in your life, then that is beyond something that you enjoy, that is perversion. If you find a beautiful caring woman with a huge heart, that you get along with, are able to live with. You have a fulfilling relationship and everything compliments, except she doesnt like it up the butt, and you can't get past that. Then YOU have an issue, not her. Thats all I'm saying. Phanstar
I've gotta say despite my earlier view I definitely agree with you Phanstar...too make anal an obsession, or for it to be the be all and end all of a relationship is obviously wrong. Regards
It's not an ultimatum, because I would never want a female to do something she doesn't want to do. It just means we aren't sexually compatible. But if you want to claim I have a problem and it's an obsession...fine...let's look at a different senerio. Let's pretend I could never get an erection; that would mean an woman I would be with couldn't have sex with me. If she would dump me for that, would you claim she has an obsession and a problem just as you label me with? I could do this all day long.
If a woman were truly in love with a man, then probably she should get past his lack of erection. What if the woman you married was unable to have children? These are the things that test love, but your ability to group anal sex with these is a problem. anal sex is just one way of having sex. there are many ways to get off. LOTS of ways to get off. Some of them for a woman don't even involve a man having an erection. Its your attitude that if she doesnt like anal, then we are DEFINATELY uncompatible sexually and therefore uncompatible life partners that is a problem. So she doesnt like something you love, Get over it. There are hundreds or thousands of other things that you could enjoy together if you really respected her and cared about her and not just bumsex. If you love lasagna, and she doesnt like it, does that mean you aren't compatible? Or would you just choose to have something else for dinner. Get over it man... Sorry, I see what your saying... I just don't agree with you... It strikes me as an obvious maturity issue.. And I don't mean that as a crack or an insult. it is what it is.
*shrugs* for some of us, sexual compatibility is more important than it is to others. i know i could never date a man who was submissive - i am too submissive myself to deal with that again. its not healthy, to be in a relationship whose sexual needs do not mesh with your own. its hurtful, and stressful, and a 24/7 sore point in the relationship. at least, for those of us who consider sexual compatibility to be important
The 24/7 sore point is what I've been trying to say. I don't like that he called it a maturity issue. A maturity issue would be if i were to say to a woman I was dating or married to: "If you refuse to do anal, then I refuse to have sex with you until you do". Or if I were to purposely make life miserable until she caved; or a million other passive aggressive manipulative ways. That would be a maturity issue. But no, I'm just simply up front about it. If anything, I'm being extremely mature instead of a manipulative jerk.
You guys are saying because a woman wont do *1* thing that you are definately so sexually incompatible that he should break it off right there. Thats the issue. Sure sexual compatibility is important, but its the importance he is putting on Anal sex to me is the issue, not on sexual compatibility... Thats like saying that if my wife doesn't like comedies, we aren't compatible personalities... nevermind the fact that there are hundreds of other kinds of movies to like. My point is that no one will fill your needs 100% all the time. And the fact that he said that if she wont do that one thing, he will dwell on it, to the point where it is all he thinks about 24/7, is why I say this is a mental problem with him. Thats disturbing. Let it go dude. There are tons of great ways to get off... Ok I get it you like anal, and maybe your best partner will love it too. But to say that is she wont let me do her butt, she is off the list, or that if she decides she doesnt like it, you will dwell constantly to the point of obsession is an issue. I got new for you dude, people change. And what she might like today, she may decide she doesn't like tomorrow. Thats life, and if you expect to have a fulfilling marriage, then you need to learn to compromise and respect peoples likes as much as you are requesting they do yours. When I first met my wife she loved to watch porn with me all the time and have kinky sex. Now we have had a daughter and her views on porn have changed a bit and she feels uncomfortable watching it. Thats what spending eternity with someone is about. Accepting who they are and how they feel. And respecting their path as well. You guys are missing the big picture here.
I understand your rant but disagree with it. I disagree with mainly because it's not like your favourite thing, and you're never going to meet a girl who lets you do everything you want to try with her. I've had similar issues to you, but actually slightly different. I've been with girls who cite bad experiences with previous BFs as the reason they don't want to try anal. And that's where it's an issue for me because the fact is they did try it, and they're essentially telling me that there's no way I'd be any better at it than their previous fellas, I might not bring something new to the table, and that I'm paying the price for their previous boyfriends' ineptitudes. But much as I like anal the right woman could be good enough to live without it. I think the 'I don't want to be told no' approach is a little purile to be honest. You're nowhere near ready to get married. Being with someone for life is about compromise and give and take, and people develop and grow in different directions as they get older. She might love anal for 10 years while you court and get married and go off it later. If that means you'd dump her and the emotional part of the relationship would fail.... buy the doll my friend.
