What was the hardest part of being gay for you?

The hardest part of being a straight ally is trying to support your friends and then having a hateful person come up to you and claim you don't know what you're talking about just because you're straight.

It's also hard when all of your oldest friends disagree with homosexuality in general.

 

If I was gay, I'd never tell my parents.

 

for me the hardest things have always been caused by myself not others. i had a real hard time accepting myself and not wishing i was someone else, and when i did accept myself i let one nasty man break my heart and then honestly believed there wasn't a relationship out there for me because i was gay and because i was worthless, and so i passed myself around and let anyone have me. other people made me feel like being gay completely controlled who i was and that i should have to change who i was but now i know that's bullshit, i'm an intelligent and happy young man who is homosexual.

yes coming out was hard, my relationship with my mum really went downhill but now things are good again. once i'd picked myself up and realised i was worth something other people knew it too. yes i get alot of stick for being gay but the people i really care about love and accept me and that's what matters.

 

Finding friends. Trusting friends. It's actually what's the hardest part of being human.

 

The most difficult part of it was coming out to family. I always knew that I was different from other little boys, from a very young age. I endured the taunting and teasing that any male that does not fit into the sterotype of what a young boy should be endures. When I was about 11-12 years of age, I began to notice the mainstream news stories emerging about a gay political movement. This was a media representation of gay people in the early 1970's. However, despite how biased and homophobic the images presented were, I knew I was not alone. There were other people like me.

I unfortunately grew up in a very christian, homophobic, and military household. Yeah, one parent was career miltary. Out of that you get a very liberal, gay, atheist (hehe) lol. A very difficult part of growing up was trying to live up to being this hetro kid. This is the complete opposite of what I was then and now.

Imagine trying to come out to that family. Despite the fact that I was not a "typical male" no interest in sports, i was artistic, yeah I fit the gay stero, no one could I imagine I was gay. My mother, who was in total denial would always say "that's Byron he's just different".

At 18, I had that heart to heart with my parents since I was attending college on scholarship. I felt free and liberated, since I was no longer residing in their home. It was extremely difficult situation after informing them. The parent I expected to be more accepting, rejected me horrificly initially.

I heard all of the traditional shit: 1. did someone molest me, or 2. is it something we did, etc.

However, to live an honest lifestyle I had to come out. I needed it for my own peace of mind. I could not lie to anyone anymore. It was extremely difficult for me because my parents initally rejected me and I was out of their life for almost 7 months. At 18,that is a frightening experience. I learned how to be on my own. It was not a pleasent experience, I was homeless, ate from garbage dumpsters, the whole 9 yards.

So for me the coming out process was the most difficult. My parents eventually came around and accepted me, my lifestyle and lovers.

It may be totally fucked up at first, but if people (family or friends) really love you they will accept you. Those that do not accept you, really did not care for you at all.

Peace to all

 

Surely a part of what you are is a state of mind? If you are saying that being gay is a state of being, one that is much like a chair is a chair, then surely you are mistaken since it is being human that precedes all our states of being and mind. I work as a computer technician but I am not defined by that since things may change. Peoples sexuality can change over time too. If yours does not change then that does not mean everyone has an unchanging sexuality
I dont agree with the poster that prompted you to respond with those words, but I dont believe that sexuality is much more than a state of mind either.
Being gay does not make you an authority on sexuality, at least no more so than a heterosexual person. Since apparently heterosexual people can latently become homosexual, so too can apparently homosexual people become bisexual or heterosexual.

 

thats bullshit, people don't change you either admit you are gay or don't. Some "heterosexuals" admit they are gay later on. And some people turn gay to straight and vice versa because they were really truly bisexual with a preference for one sex over the other.

 

how do you know?

 

Being told by a family member I love and respect that I was a disgrace and that I ashamed the family and I deserved to burn in hell. Yep, it was great.

 

Columbo,

First, I don't understand your logic. You seem to be saying:

Being human precedes all states of mind.
Therefore any state of mind is subject to change.

Is that accurate? If so, I am having trouble understanding the relationship between the two statements. If not, would you please clarify?

Second, if homosexuality were simply a "state of mind" why would 5-10% of the male population choose to be subjected to abuse, humiliation, torture, murder, and hate when they can just as easily choose the dominant "state of mind?"

Mark

P.S. Which have you chosen and why?

 

Being told by a psychiatrist that I was abnormal and sensing my father's discomfort with my sexuality I went back into the closet for 23 years. I don't regret getting married and having three wonderful children. I do regret abandoning myself in an effort to win acceptance from an authority figure and my father. I also regret the pain my wife and children suffered when I finally got honest with myself and with them and subsequently separated and divorced.

Hindsight being 20/20, I think my father would have come to terms with my being gay. I didn't give him enough credit at the time. I was young and lacked confidence in myself.

Mark

P.S. I don't think divorce is always necessary for gay men who have been married and had children. Some men stay married and either do or do not act on their desire for a romantic relationship with another man.

 

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I agree that some married gay men can stay happlied married.
But,. I would never have a relationship with a man who was married to somebody else. Oops, I just said never. (never say never) I hope I'm not cursing myself, to find out that the love of my life will be hooked up to a woman! That would suck for both of us. Because I would never have a relationship with someone who was married to somebody else.
.

 

you believe that being gay is a state of mind.. well so if i decided that i dont want to be attracted to the same sex all i have to do is make up my mind not to.... no that's not how it works... and sexuality doesnt change over time.. the persons acceptance of their sexuality may... but your theory is so rediculous that it isnt even funny.. and i never wrote that i was an athority on sexuality.. but i do understand to some point what gay people go through by being gay myself.. you are reading way too much into what i wrote. and had you read all of it instead of taking one little thing and running with it then you would understand what i meant.

 

now that i ha ve come out to a few of my family member and all of my friends the hardest part is getting my family to accept me. they are very much against gays and they make it known any time that they can.. i had a relationship with a girl for 2 1/2 years in high school and everytime that i talk about her to my mom or talk about they way we were she would change the subject or tell me to shut up.. when my family see gay people walking together or holding hands or something [something that you know that they are together] they point and make gaging noises and they talk about how they need to be shot and stuff right in front of my face.. that is that hardest thing to deal with when you find out that the people who are suposed to love you uncondithionally start to add conditions and you find yourself w/o a family.

 

thats harsh... I hold hands with my friends all the time, and hug em and tell em i love em and im joke married to one of my best mates but im not lesbian(seriously). Im just close to them.

In our school being gay would be hard if you don't have the friends you need to stick up for you. Most of the time (e.g holding hands in a coach) if people ewww we just tell em to shut up and they do. but like i said im not lesbian (though that would SO piss certain people off ) so i dont know the hardness...

 

Well, I'd never have guessed...

It's funny, really. I wouldn't mind people knowing (eg people in my class etc) it's just I don't want to actually tell them. I could handle all the crap afterwards about 'eww you're gross' and stuff because I have supportive friends and family, but I just don't want to say the words 'I'm gay'.

 

I know its been said already, but yeah, the hardest part for me being gay is fitting in, and how others would react if they found out I was a homosexual. I used to keep this secret to myself, and masquerade as being tough, joking a lot in front of the guys, to show that I'm a 'man'. But recently I've been expressing my true self to others more, albeit subtly, like putting up sexually suggestive nickname on my school jersey, and just how I'm acting differently around certain people. I still haven't told a lot of my friends about this. I hope people will accept me as who I am in time.

 

They will. You'd be amazed how accepting people are

For me, I think the hardest thing about being gay for me was the big worry about how my parents would react. I didn't care about anything else, cos I knew my friends would be great with it (which they were!).
Thankfully my parents were fine with it.

 

i dunno. the hardest part for me when i told everyone that i was gay, was just saying it, the word "gay" has a really ruff history, queer, homo, there all things that accumulate with the word. i mean, i could say gay a million times before i had to say it about myself...

 

yeah, it's so weird when I tell people about my sexuality. I never say "I'm gay". When I told my mom I told her I had a girlfriend, and when I told my sister I pointed to a picture of a lesbian couple and said "that's me". It's almost as if im looking for a euphemism, which is understandable when observing all the euphemisms we all use.