Boyfriend Bad in Bed

My man is awesome in every way. My best friend, sweet, thoughtful...but maybe too sweet in some ways. I've never been with a guy who totally sucks in bed. We've been together for a while..I've never had an orgasm..and believe me it's not because I can't. He hardly even touches me...its like he's afraid of pussy or something..So i find myself thinking of cheating on him ALOT...I don't want to hurt him..and we've talked about it-but he gets all defensive..I'm only 27--and I love SEX...any ideas?

 

vibrator

 

yeah...i have one...but i want dick...i want my pussy licked...its not the same ya know?

 

Try to tell or teach him how to satisfy you. It's likely that its something he could learn how to do, if he tries to, especially since its important to you.

 

sure hes not gay?

 

try communiating to him
tell him what you need, how you like to be touched, what your fantasies are, ask what his fantasis are. masturbate for one another to see how you like to be touched. give him encouragement when he does somethign right, ask for him to move lower if he needs to with his tongue, etc

 

Talking to each other is the best method.

I agee with Allonym....tell him how you feel, try new things...etc

His sex drive just might be lower than yours. He could always go see a doctor and have his testosterone level checked. (So many men suffer needlessly because they don't think about checking their testosterone level). If his levels are low a simple shot/pill/patch could make him your dream lover. Actually a low libido could be any number of things so I would talk to him about seeing a doctor if I were you. Couldn't hurt, might help.

For a guy it is really hard to think "I don't satisfy her" and tends to make a man less likely to pursue sex. If he feels like he can't satisfy you....well then what's the point of trying. Maybe saying "doctor" to him will take some of the pressure off of him and he can think "hey, it's not me it's my hormones" and maybe that would help.

Some people just aren't sexually compatible....hopefully that is not true in your situation.

Best of lcuk.

 

I say change up the chnage up the positons.Also try to concentrate on the moment,and not how bad it is.
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Man, I'm not sure of anything anymore. Not to be hateful-but he's a little old to not know how to give oral. Ahhh! It makes me crazy. I've honestly wondered if he was gay before- but I think he's just uptight or something. It's a mystery to me. If he is gay, he knows I'm cool with it...I just wanna know.

Could a guy please explain to me what is gross about oral? I don't mean dirty smelly pussy..I mean nice, pretty, yummy...why not bury your face in it pussy...I don't think it's me...Hes the first BF who won't...

 

Oh, and I've tried communication but he gets all defensive. I've tried being more domineering in bed, I've tried to starve him sexually..I know that's mean...but this girl is desperate! I love this guy and I'm soooo tense and frustrated...I'm not a nun! Does this mean we aren't compatible? Is it wrong to care so much about this?

 

It means your not sexually compatible and that is a pretty big one to get over.

 

You pretty much answered your question in the second to last posting here. I'd find someone more inline with your sexual interests as well as being a good person. A real partner is considerate of your concerns. No matter how many times you say he is a great guy, he is not if he is not willing to find different ways to please you in bed or even listen to your concerns.

That being said, if you still want to stay with him-I'd get a piece on the side and some extra condoms.

 

when you say he gets defensive? Does he just change the subject because hes embarrassed about not being able to satisfy you? Or is he mad that you are trying to talk to him? It sounds like to me you guys just as you said....arent sexually compatible. Communication is the most important thing in any relationship...if he doesnt understand that, you need to find someone who does. Does he like to have sex and just sucks at it? Or does he not like to have sex and you have to pry it outta him? if he enjoys it, i think there is a chance you can work your problems out via communication (be nice lol). But if you are begging for sex and always frustrated with his performance, AND hes not doing anything to help....i say you need to break it off before it gets really hard to let go. If it isnt already. I hope your b/f understands that this is a very fixable problem....with a sweet understanding gf like you who is willing to help him....all he has to do is listen to you. And he should be fine...

 

well from your last post it sounds like he does want sex and not just have a low sex drive as indicated by His Eden post, sorry just trying to follow.
You've got advices here that I agree with... find someone else mainly. If you don't want to break it off with him well just stop having sex with him and as already advised here, get someone else on the side. IMHO I don't think a sexually selfish man deserves a faithful gf.

 

good advice everyone, thanks...ive been with this guy for 3years..so it is hard to break it off..and i can't get some on the side cuz i dont wanna live a lie...ill crack..im too sweet. I would like some on the side, dont get me wrong...i kept thinking it would get better...sometimes I feel like an ass for caring about sex so much...but im young, love it, and i know there are more important things like respect and friendship...but i am literally sex starved and close to snapping. Do you guys think cheating on someone ever works out in the end for anyone? My motto is sort of, If you aren't hurting anyone, youre allright with me...so how can I and live with it?

 

I tend to be a pretty open-minded person, but this is where my line is drawn.

How can you say "I love him" while you are trying to justify reasons for cheating on him? Respect him and you more than that and just leave! There is no excuse you could possibly have to make cheating on him okay. You either adjust/compromise/whatever sexually or you leave.

Read your motto back to yourself....because if you think cheating on your boyfriend is not going to hurt someone you are wrong. It's only a matter of time before it would. Would it hurt you if he cheated? This is where "Do unto others as you want done unto you" applies. (you can insert any "don't screw someone over" type quote....that is just the one I thought of first)

I have a question....has he always been bad in bed or is this a recent thing?

 

hes always been bad in bed...i just always loved him...i dont go from man to man..i was married...and hes the only one since my divorce...i know it would hurt him and the thing is...it would hurt me too...i guess im just super frustrated and love him a ton of feathers...he really is my best friend, there for me through thick and thin...things sexually have gotton to the point of fighting and hurt feelings..dont know what to do..

 

damn im sorry to hear this sweetluv. You sound like such an amazing gf, one that would compromise and understand a lot. But you do deserve sex. It is what your heart desires, and THAT is what a bf is suppose to do for you. Give you waht your heart desires. The thing i dont understand is why he gets so offensive when you are trying to work this problem out? After 3 years you would think he would be pretty open to a serious conversation. I dont know exactly what you should do, but i DO know that cheating is probably not the answer. You might feel guilty (because you are a sweetheart), and if he finds out you would most likely hurt him greatly. Theres gotta be a way to talk to him about your sex life. I wish i had a gf like you damn lol

 

Sometimes in life you have to go backwards to move forward. Have you considered taking you desires down a notch. I, at times, have to curb my appetite with my husband (he has a stressful job). Actually it really helps because I have to be patient...so the build-up is incredible. Going without any sexual pleasure for a period of time can also be fun.

Or you could just think of him as a lifesize dildo and get yourself off (that sounds funny, but I couldn't think of a more sensible way to put it) Maybe it will trigger something in him and he will let loose. Just roll him on his back, get him hard and do whatever you want with him, but have your own pleasure in mind. Don't even think "does he like this" but something like "I want to feel a dick inside of me slow and easy" and then do it.

Have you tried all day foreplay? You might have to do more of the work, but it would be worth it in the end. If soft caresses don't get his attention then throw his breakfast off the table and say "you want to eat...here ya go!"

Maybe he has just never had a good lover. Say for example you go horseback riding and get the old nag. For months or even years you ride that old horse a couple times a week. Then one day you go riding and are handed a magnificent stallion. Can you ride the spirited horse just because you have ridden the nag for years? Not very likely, and not very well. You are probably more open about your needs than his past partners and he doesn't know how to satisfy you. In which case I suggest giving him the "Pleasing sweetluv 101" class and if he passes you can move on to the more advanced classes. Maybe he is just doing what he knows and is uncomfortable learning new things.

I personally love taking a night to please my husband. I make everything about him, except his orgasm. He will have one, but only after I have had my fill of him (no penetration involved just touching, kissing and oral.) My husbands loves those nights because all he has to do is lie there and enjoy it. No worries about if I came enough. Yet at the end we are both satisfied.

Any number of things to try, and it can be frustrating, it's just a matter of what works for you.

My apologies if I sounded critical in my last post it wasn't meant to be. There are just better options than cheating.

 

^^^Well she did try some of that, in post #10 she said she "tried being more domineering in bed".

You are not wrong for caring about this, good sex is a need, bad sex is unhealthy.
But yeah tone down the desires... just don't have sex with him until he makes more of an effort to please you. Continuing to have unsatisfying sex is only going to frustrate you more as you'll only be reminded of it each time, so just reduce the amount of sex in your relationship and insist on prolonged foreplay, don't have sex until you get enough foreplay. That may actually give him MORE incentive to please you. He's gonna have to learn sooner or later, there's alot of women who wouldn't put up with this.