Time-out

Ok i gotta ask. Shld i worry if my bf's colleage calls my bf 'husband'? Its a she by the way. To make matter worse, me and my bf are currently on a rough patch right now. In years of our relationship, he never suggested a 'time-out' period. When we 1st started the relationship and we did have a huge fight about some stuff, I did suggested a 'time-out' but he was totally against it. He said that he doesnt see the need for that and we shld settle whatever problems we have asap.

Now, out of sudden, he said that we shld take this time to reflect on our relationship and all those stuff. So I'm kinda confused abt this whole thing. Am I being to paranoid or am i right to be suspicious??

HELP!

 

It depends on what lever you are not getting along and what you have been fighting about. As for another woman referring to you bf as husband well it depends on the context in which she is doing it in. It could just be a joke on her part.

 

in my opinion, something must have taken place (eg some flirting) for the joke to take place right?

 

No, not really.

 

Some people takes joking to far and make things a lot more personal than they really are. I had a boss that called me his gf and a friend of my brothers called me his wife all the time. It is just something some people do.

 

so what u r trying to tell me is that im just reading too much into it? well i hope i am just being paranoid and nothing is actually goin on..thx sis!

 

You need to talk to your bf about your concerns that is the only way you will know for sure.

 

How did you find out that she was calling him this? It's rude to tell your SO when someone flirts with you, unless you feel violated. Sounds like he told you to get a reaction out of you, which is selfish and immature.Also, why isn't he letting her know that's not okay because he's attached?

 

he didnt tell me personally..i found it out by myself..he doesnt know that i knew abt this and neither have i asked him abt it..that is what's bugging me..i dunno if he did let her know how inapproriate it is or the feeling is mutual..meaning did he call her his 'wife' too..with all that is happening (my time-out with him), i'm really feeling so frustrated.

 

You can't really say that it's not appropriate because he might be ok with it and like I said before it could just be a joke. After working with people for a while you become more like friends than co-workers. I think that you are so upset over the fact that you might actually break up this time you are over thinking the little things. Like is said before talk to him about your concerns but don't be judgmental or pushy. He is his own person if you start off by accusing him of anything I can almost guarantee 100% that he won't be comfortable talking to you about anything. I also think that you should work out your differences before you try and work on something like this. What are you fighting about that he wanted to take a break?

 

i agree with ummya, it coudl be a joke. lots of my buddies have referred to each other as wife/wifey before (mostly female friend)

i would talk to him about it, ask where it came from, explain that it bothers you and youd really appreciate it if the two of them could tone it down a little til youre feeling more secure in the relationship, that it would really ehlp you out, etc

 

If you were talking about a time when you felt your relationship was on solid ground I would tell you it "might" be innocent. Though that would piss me off. No one acts like they have a intimate relationship with my wife but me. However, considering he doesn't seem to care its bothering you, the relationship is deteriorating and he all the sudden wants to take a break, I would say he is cheating or damn close to it. It might not matter anymore as he seems to be backing out of the relationship anyway, keeping you as a maybe on the side. Thats how I would read it with the limited information.

 

If you hand't read he doesn't know that she knows about it. I wouldn't go so far as to say he is cheating.

 

I don't know...joke or not I would be pissed if some chcik was refering to myfiancee as husband anhd would be even more mad at him for not stopping it.

 

i hafta agree that it certainly sounds like you have the POTENTIAL for a problem theres a good chance of it being one but it might not be & the only way to know is to talk to him about it

 

Tough call.
If you talk to him about it, and there is nothing going on you MIGHT make him feel you are checking up on him, behind his back. This shows a lack of trust. Then again, your boy friend might say that you are worring for nothing and he will see that it stops if it bothers you.

On the other hand, if he has, or is considering, chasing this colleage of his, you asking him about it might just push him to break it off with you.
Like I said, it a tough call. And things like this can eat at you. You might be damned if you talk to him about it, and you might be damned if you don't.

You have gotten a lot of views from both sides of the issue. But I feel you are no closer to knowing what to do than when you started this thread.

I wish I had some magical words for you, but I don't.

My advise would be to talk to him about it, but not in a harsh or acusational tone. Communication is key.

 

yups u r so right. this is what's bothering me right now. I want to talk to him abt it but he wants a 'timeout' period. During this timeout i cant even talk to him. How am i supposed to ask abt this matter? And i'm afraid i'll make the matter worse than it is. I am very uncomfortable with other girls calling my bf their husband when i m the one who shld be calling him that. so i'm just stuck. its neither here nor there.

anyway thx for all ur advice bro/sis. i really appreciate it!

 

I would not be okay with another woman referring to my fiance as husband, boyfriend, lover, or anything that can be preceived as romantic or sexual. To me this sounds like a big red flag. I would be asking myself, and him, why he would allow her to do so, if he did, why, and what not (calmly too, so as to not make him feel like he should be defensive). It just sounds funny. But I would of brought it up immediately to him if we were in the same perdicament, and if I truely suspected something I would probably ask her as well. Noone can tell you what that means to them but the two of them.

When I was 16 my friends and I all had an ongoing joke about being wifey's and hubbies with eachother and what not. But then again we were 16, pretty immature. I don't know any adults who behave that way. I don't think it's okay to pretend to be with someone else, when you are in a relationship, unless both parties don't mind the "joke" or the truth of the matter. It's just disrespectful and if you two make up I would make it clear to him, and to her, that you do mind them behaving this way and it will be a problem. Otherwise let it go...

 

Thats your opinion and you are entitled to it. I don't feel the same way and I know many adults who don't mind that kind of thing.

 

*An update of what have taken place*

So i've asked him what was the deal with that female colleague of him calling him her husband. So he told me that it was all a misunderstanding and it is not like what it seems to be. He said that I should trust him and I shldn't think so much abt it. So tell me bro/sis, is his reason assuring? I mean, instead of trying to verify the whole thing, he just give me a vague explaination and brush off the whole thing by saying that i shld trust him.

Then abt the time-out period, i asked him why is it when I suggested it last time he was totally against it but now out of sudden u are so into it? He said that he thinks that we really need the time-out period to reflect on whats best for our relationship.

Its been months now and it's getting no where. Nothing is solved and instead i think it's making the whole situation worse. I got so frustrated and i told him that I will step out from the relationship. But he refused. He says that he doesnt want to end the relationship. He just wants to take this time to reflect on whats best for our relationship and assure me that there's no 3rd party involved.

So its getting nowhere. Its neither here nor there. Somehow i feel like he's just taking this time to see if the grass is greener on the other side. At the same time, he doesnt want to let me go fearing that he might make a mistake. So arent I at the losing end?

Im really lost. I dunno what to do. Shld I trust his words and mayb really take this time to reflect or ...?

Would really appreciate it bro/sis.

p/s: all the qns and ans btw us is by phone text. No verbal communication actually takes place.