like boys do and they like to piss off their women my fiance has once again done that. Just little things he did, like left me alone at the bar for awhile to talk to some coworkers of his that were off the clock and had a table elsewhere. He was real confusing and seemed to me at least to be lying about some valium (I will take the higher ground and say I must of been confused) but when I try to talk to him about what I feel, I'm whinning and should shut up. I approached him calmly and lovingly "I felt lonely when you left me at the bar, please invite me next time" or "It seems your not being honest about some events last night, can we maturly go through them and see where I might be mistaken". He keeps telling me I'm whinning and to just get over it. I want him to at least respect my feelings and have him say "I didn't mean to come off that way, I'll try not to in the future". Or if he was lying to know it's under no circumstances acceptable. I mean whinning is just so degrading to me. It's like sorry, my voice gets a little higher pitched when I'm stressed, duh!! (and I didn't get stressed til he had his little attitude fit of "whatever" and "I don't care". Is that so fuckin hard to do? Just talk? What he did wasn't a biggie, but the way he is handling it IS. I think I'm just gonna go spend the night at a girlfriends and have him miss me a bit and give him time to think....
Are you guys doing pre-marital counseling? There's an issue if he's not listening to you and is telling you that you are just whining. he's basically telling you he doesn't care how you feel. Do you allow him to express his feelings and are you non-judegemental abou it?
if he ever expresses his feelings... sometimes he does in which case I hold him and tell him to let it out, which is what I wish he would do for me (and have told him). But when I bring up "I don't like this, or the way your treating me right now" he gets really pissed off, tells me to grow up and get over it, and thats that. (which I HATE). It is a problem. but how can I apporach him about it without him getting angry. bc when he gets angry I get emotional and then we fight with neither side winning. My crying makes him angry, now thats something I don't understand. I asked if he'd go into anger management and he said yes but I suspect just to shut me up. He said I'd have to take classes on being less emotional, which I agreed to do if they exist. But premarital counseling sounds better. Only problem is I'm on my father's insurance and I don't want my family knowing about that shit.
Are you guys religious? Most churches offer it for free. men shouldn't get angry with women they love. They can get upset, frustrated etc-but anger is an unacceptable emotion that usually masks the real problem. If you don't want your parents to know then there is something wrong with the relationship. If your fiancee had a daughter would he want a man like him for her husband? That's a good analogy that men undrstand. I've only been with one person who would continue being angry when I cried and he was very abusive. it started out verbally, but it escalated very quickly. I was made to believe it was my fault for being too emotional. My fiancee never gets angry with me. When I ask if he is mad at me he always says that he is just frustrated. He has never yelled at me. I made it very clear in the begining that I needed someone who was man enough to state their opinion without losing their temper. He also has the final say in everything though. I don't want power struggles and he makes better decisions than me so i have no problem with this. But also he has demonstrated enough self-control where he deserves that. I think phraising it like this helped a lot because some men think that yelling is just what men do. Making it known that real men do not yell at their SO's because they can control the situation without it makes them feel more empowered Also, just a side note; younger men tend to have more of a temper. Have you ever tried just leaving for awhile or ignoring him when he is acting like a petulant and angry child?
I found ignoring works well, though it's a weird concept to me. I'm spiritual and he's christian (though doesn't go to church). One time he got angry twice when I ignored him bc my feelings were hurt and he doesn't like to listen to them when it has to do with him. After that he actually asked me if I still loved him. It touched my heart since Ive said that plenty and this was his first I hope it works out
