34 year old - thinking of having a little fun

hi all, it's been some time since i was last on here, i tried the other night and the forum was down so was gutted as this is the ONLY place i know where freedom of speech is not re stricken.

So here goes.

I haven't told any one that I'm gay, or even bi, i have just been on line on gay chat rooms and met a few guys on line that I've talked to but either lied or made shit up, mainly about my age, so then i fell in love last year with a guy but he was young 17 he was, it hurt me when i told him that i was like 33 and he flipped, well not really but he was nice about it and he decided that it was a no go.

I said to my self that i wasn't going to go back on, but you know some times the sexual urge can be quite overpowering, I'm not even sure that i am bi or gay, or bi-curious, i just like to cum with guys, some times " I'm gay until i cum " and then i feel a little disgusted about what I've just done.

...one of my close mates is gay and he's been out for a while now, he said that he new i was and i haven't admitted it or told any one, but you know what tradition is like, me 34 now and no girlfriend or kids well people do talk.

I don't really know what I'm trying to say in this thread but it's just good to start talking some times and it's nice for people to listen.

Any way I've met a really nice lad that i met on the " chat room " and he is at UNI here where i live, he's away at home at the moment and he'll be starting UNI soon i would imagine, thing is I'm kinda thinking to my self whats wrong with having a little fun, after all I'm not a one for clubbing any more and I'm not too ld either, but I'm not sure how i would feel if i actually met this guy, if i would feel disgusted ?? but I'm not sure if i would, i feel i might be the other way and over the moon that some one is taking an interest in me....dam this is tuff.

I've told him my age and he's OK with that (he's 21 or so) and i haven't lied at all about any thing, i thought well whats the point, i told him i drink, smoke pot and some times I'm a little huffy! but no matter what i throw in his way he's happy with it.

I'd like to meet and stuff as some times when we are chatting it's not all sexual that we chat about, we talk about watching t.v lying in bed, making food, having a bath and that together and stuff like that, sounds cool i know.

I'm worried that maybe I'm not Bi and just curious and if he turned up at the door or what ever I'd be " giving him the hard shoulder" not that i think i would, i don't know maybe I'm just using that as an excuse so we don't meet and then i can still be on the search for some thing that will never happen.

It's a tuff one feeling like this as i want to feel all " like a man " and love a woman, which i think i could, but I'm just confused and as i do get more and more confused people come and go and i just let them go on with their life as I'm always like " what would people say"

Ahhhhh this is rambling but i need to get it off my chest.

I have been camming with some guy that is telling me to go out and get into gay bars, which he may be right and i need to do, how ever he's just met some one on line and he's preaching to me that i need to live a little.

Ahh this is all fucked up isn't it?

Dam wish i could wave a magic wand and it would all be sorted out !


Thanks for listening

 

About that disgusting feeling you mentioned about, I'm not sure if it is the same as what i felt, but earlier on in my life, i use to feel disgusted after aswell. That was only a phase for me, and i don't have any of those disgusting feelings anymore, and I'm happy to be gay. You may not neccesarily become gay/bi down the track after your phase (if it is a phase), but that's something only time can tell.

As for the guy you talk about, he seems to be very understanding (from what i read). If he is, maybe you could tell him your feelings about your sexuality and that you're still confused about labelling yourself (although you don't really need to have a label).

PS: for what you said about:

Being gay/bi doesn't make you any less of a man


For what ever you decide to do, be true to your feelings. I wish you good luck.

 

Thanks you for the reply i was starting to think that a 34 year old guy wasn't going to get any one to listen to him.

Well it took a turn for the worse last night, i was a little drunk but hey why not and we started to cam, and then he said that i was a " weird old man" gutted, i mean talk about being kicked in the nuts, i wasn't expecting that and i thought it was rather odd.

We started to cam and half way through he said he was " tired " and that he needed to go to sleep, he wanted me to cum and said that he would be able to go to sleep knowing he had made me, obviously he didn't find it amazing or else who would stop camming in the middle of a heated sexual experience.

I'm a little concerned that he used the words " old and weird " in the same sentence, we were not doing any thing weird we had just been chatting over the past few weeks and we had only cammed once on a night time.

so once he said that it kinda put me right off, i thought he was cool with it after all i had made him aware that i was 34 from the start.

So yeah we kinda stopped camming and he pointed the camera to his face and then kinda shrugged his shoulders and that was about it, he said good night and blew a x. so did i and then disconnected.

there's plenty more fish in the sea. but saying that really turned me off, what happens if he texts me ? or i speak to him on line i might as well tell him that it was a passion killer !

Thanks again

 

maybe he was kidding?

 

Dude Ur Gay Thats Disgusting Gtfo These Forums

God Thats So Sick

 

what about the old and weird ? well yeah i guess so, so you do have a point.

Maybe i'm a little sensitive, but why stop camming in the middle? must have been something.....

 

Yeah.

Maybe he's just a tease.

 

One thing I've noticed about really young gay dudes is that some (not all) seem really stuck on themselves, and it's like they give you the up/down eye look, sniff, and turn away. If a gay guy is going to be cool, don't act like some stuck up snob. 34 too old? Nah, come on over and we'll talk about it.

 

Yea,.Maybe this guy was in a bad mood about something that had nothing to do with you.Everyone has their own issues too.Try not to take it so personally.The old and weird thing sounds to me like he might have just been playing and teasing,we can be so sensitive at times,Maybe you do feel somewhat old and weird and that hit a nerve.I know at times I really do feel old and weird,it can freak me out too.Like you said there are other fishes in the sea though anyways.People always come and go thats just life happening.I gotta laugh at you sweating your age 34,I'm gonna be 40 in 2 months LOL,I know how you feel,I think we just get better not older.My grandmother said "You're as young as you feel" I always find myself recalling that,I can tell you I certantly don't feel my age,Thank god! and I'm in the same situation as you Dan,no wife,no kids ect. ect.,I know society sort of dictates what you should be at a certain age,I think that is all nonsense,and those standards don't work,or work well for most people anyway.Pick your own path,don't be too afraid to be yourself.I would'nt worry much about age,that self-conciousness could cause a problem where someone else normally would'nt have a problem with it.It's awkward and scary I know!I try to look at my anxiety about these things like nervous energy and that I'm just a little excited and hyper.I kind of understand you were saying about wanting to feel like a man and all that kind of being straight stuff,with no real hassle for being Bi or curious or whatever.You are what you are,whether you want to accept that or not.People don't understand alot of the time,some people will be mean and even cruel.It does sound like you need to begin to accept your sexuality now and not be too concerened with what others think.about feeling disguisted after same sex expiriences sounds like you diffenetely have'nt accepted yourself,Relax let all that go be who you are life is beautiful,that stuff does'nt matter.You don't want to live a lie.It sounds like a Yo-Yo kind of thing.You try to be straight,then you slip and have a same sex expirience say oh this is disguisting then try to be straight when that does'nt feel right then another same sex expirience,.,and on and on.If that sounds like you then you need to get off the carousel.The only thing that helped me was to look at myself,my expirience and begin to say,Yes I am Bi/Gay there is no doubt.Looking at reasons that support that and there are many and begin to deal with my feelings about it,which was the toughest part..for me it was'nt how I choose to be,but it's who I am and life goes on.
I still can struggle with my acceptance of me,my sexuality. but most of me works to feed the good and ignore the noise in my head that puts me down and says I should be someone else.Not everyone is gonna fit the mold and I believe we as a people need to throw away the standards and look for better ways of dealing with each other.
Be yourself,
Live,Love,Laughter someone said.Relax and let life happen.You can't control most stuff anyway.
Good Luck with everything, Joey

 

wow thanks to all for the reply.

Amazing, thats why i love this place as i can talk about stuff that i wouldn't normally talk about.

I have such homophobic friends it's unreal, one of my best mates was just telling me the other day as we were discussing oen of my other mates that is gay, we were talking about him and it horrifies me pal, he started to tell me about this guy that he worked with that he was good mates with and in the pub this guy told him that he was gay/bi, the next thing that come out of his lips was " and that was the last i seen of him " and then burst into laughter.

This same pal was at mine once (the one that said he hadn't seen him ever again) and i had the lap-top on full screen and went into the recycle bin looking for a film that i wanted to show him, the recycle bin was on picture mode if you know what i mean and about 8 images of a lad that i had a brief fling with, nothing sexual just talking but he did send me over some quite horny sexy snaps, nothing naked but some of him in his under were and he seen them, i just closed the recycle bin down and carried on looking for the film.

After that i have noticed that he's started to call me gay a lot more, for example when we are playing the football on the 360 and i get a good goal or a good tackle in then he calls shouts out " you fkign gay" etc etc, we do have a bit of banter and a bit of name calling but some times in the past few weeks I've turned around and said " actually I'm not gay I'm bi" and he's kinda went what you talking about? lolo.....you know that situation where you think some one can mean some thing.....oh yeah the reverse cycology thing.

I was painting the sitting room and was on the phone to him and he said was i painting it pink, ha how i chuckled, what a numpty, if he can't live with the fact that he has seen a few raunchy images of a man on my pc and he's dying to ask me then thats up to him.

He's a catholic, nothing wrong with them in my eyes but then again gays to a catholic might be highly offensive.

As for my age, yeah i have loads of people telling me that 34 is fook all and not to worry and to tell you the truth i do love to have a good time, none of this slippers and a pipe thing, it wasn't too long ago when i was off to Geneva and then to Amsterdam, etc etc, and thats every year i try and go, camping, walking, getting drunk, you know that type of stuff i love, i think some times it's me mates that are bringing me down as they have kids and that and when it gets to like 8.00pm they are all shattered and tired and ready for bed and that when I'm just starting to crank the party up.


i think i am coming to turms with the fact that i may as well be who i am, after all i am like that with all other things in life but with my sexuality it's a tuff one, i do enjoy having gay experiences, in fact not to long ago some one that worked at my place for a little while we had a few experiences and that was hot, he'd sit at my desk and our knees would touch and stuff, he's left now and i was going to tell him that I'm bi and that if he's cool or not cool with it please don't banter it around the place, but i bottled it and haven't as of yet...........

When I'm in gay mode there's nothing i love more than to be full on sexually attracted to guys and have fun with them, it's hotter than I've ever had with girls or what i remember, I've been out on a few dates over the past 3 or so years, but i just can't seem to be bothered....funny i know. (i nearly said weird there) lol.......but then some times some of the things thats associated with gays is for example anal sex, I'm not sure if i could do it, or what I'm saying have it done to me so i guess that puts me in the " top " basket as to speak, but it feels weird as some times when I've met a really hot guy on line and we are camming i imagine that he's well you know.......

I'm bi- curious by the way, all these sexual experiences etc apart from the one that i mentioned before i have over web cams, maybe thats because I'm hiding behind the cam and that if i want i can flick it off and be gone, when i get more positive and that then maybe i will take the plunge and meet up with some one local..........

p.s the boy has gone, nothing from him, no text messages or emails, so what ever will be Will be....


Thanks for listening !

 

Hey,Sounds like you're doing alright!Don't worry 'bout the boy,no big loss life goes on.Try not to hide behind the cam,.Get out live a little,have some fun

Yea,sounds like you're friends *are bringing you down,maybe time to find more supportive people locally.I got a friend like that (Not that he calls me gay)but he's always got to be back home real early and never hangs out long,always saying he's tired and stuff.He's gotta be home with the wife and kid,what makes it worse is his wife's a controlling rageoholic.It's a bummer.

Keep coming to terms with it all,you'll feel better.
That's my expirience.
arty:


*jOeY

 

yeah i will, you know them nights that you could ust do with curling up on the sofa and just laughing and joking with each other.....i think thats what i'm missing you know.