It's an idea we've played around with. We've been together over four years and things are pretty great. We're good friends too, not always just in 'couple mode'. Privacy is something I value highly, though and I don't want us getting sick of eachother. I know there are things that we can do to prevent that, like: having separate bedrooms (and if we're lucky, separate bathrooms), staying involved in activities not revolving around eachother, etc. Additionally, we'd have different school and work schedules so we'd both have time to ourselves at the house. But overall, is this just a fantasy or can such situations really work out well? (mods-I would greatly appreciate if this wasn't moved into the relationships forum.)
No I think you've covered it. As long as you each have neutral territory, everything is cool even if it goes badly.
sounds like it could work if you both set boundaries and live up to them, then i don't see why it wouldn't work then again, i haven't had a relationship that long, nor have i wanted to move in with a g/f..so i know nothing
Thanks for the feedback. Damn me, I'm finding all these great little places on Craigslist when the soonest we'd possibly even be able to move in together isn't for another six months. :tongue: But, whatever...I'll use the time to save up money.
I'd be excited. After four years of dating you'll finally be able to see what it's like to live together. May I ask. Do you want to eventually get married to him?
none of the relationships ive ever been in have worked out until this one. ive never been able to commit to someone that i gotta go over to their house and do stuff and not be at home and whatnot. me and carri just started goin out, and after a few weeks i really liked her, so i told her to get her clothes and toilitries and stay with me. a month later we burnt the place down and now the new place is in both our names. i dotn really see it as goin out unless youre living together. cuz otherwise theres just too much stuff to do. although on the other hand, i feel smothered sometimes. the only way i get total privacy is if i shut the bathroom door and lock it. even then shes on the other side askin me what im doing. "if i wanted you to know what im doing, i wouldnt be in here with the door locked."
Hmm, I don't know. Part of me likes the idea, while another part of me is against ever getting married at all. I think I'll have a better idea after I finish college, have a career, etc. I don't understand what you mean by this. Yeah, no way I'd do anything like that. I grew up with brothers, I know that a shut door means "give me some fucking privacy".
i just moved in with my bf, so its new territory to me too. weve been datin gfor not nearly as long as you and your beau have bene . we have separate bedrooms (though were usually together in on eor the others... i sleep better in my bed, his room has the ps2 and his computer set up at the moment, yes were nerds).... were still sorting it all out bu ti think that as long as you two communicate reallyw ell you can make it work
Thanks for replying Allonym. It's good to hear it from the perspective of someone in a similar situation. Have you encountered/had to solve any problems so far? lol...I can imagine our arrangement will be similar as we both need our computer fix. And that reminds me of another thing; I'm going to save up for a laptop so I can have my own private computer (I've been wanting one for school anyway). Having separate computers is something that I think will help prevent potential annoyance at eachother caused by always having to figure out whose 'turn' it is.
Oooh wow, that's exciting news lace Sounds like the two of you are really good together, I say go for it. I just moved in with my bf a few weeks ago and I'm loving it. I was worried about the privacy thing as well, but it hasn't been a problem (so far) as we have two spare bedrooms and one of them I'm gonna make into my room where I can work and chill out by myself if I want to. About the computer thing... Tim used to have his computer in the bedroom but when I moved in we put it in the livingroom which is nice coz now our bedroom is just for sleeping and it makes it so much more peaceful.
you have been with him for over four years and you don't even know if you can live with him?i think that its probably time you do take the next step,or say fuck it.don't you think separate bedrooms is a little much? i mean,he is your boyfriend and you don't want to sleep in the same bed with him? you can still have your privacy even if you share a room. if you have two bedrooms just use the other one as your hobby room or gameroom or just a space where you can close the door, and have your space when you need it. it can be just YOUR space.i just mean that i think if you agree to live with him but you want separate beds and rooms,he might get his feelings hurt. there is a huge difference between living with a roommate and living with a boyfriend.i have been with my boyfriend for about the same amount of time (little over 4 years) and we are about to get a place together also. if i told him i wanted my own room it would probably upset him...and probably upset our relationship.i don't know how your man is about that but it would kind of seem as if you don't want your relationship to go further. you say you have to go to college and have a career so im assuming you are still young...so thats fine. if you have been with dude for 4 years and you don't think you could commit to something such as the same bedroom,maybe you just need to sit on it for a while. i hope that made sense.
having separate rooms isnt about not sleeping together (my bf and i still do regularly), its about having your own safe private space in cas eyou need it. for those of us who are typically mor eintroverted, we need some time by ourselves to recharge, to calm and balance and breathe again. my bf and i have slept together damn near every night this night (only havent when we were in different houses) personally i think its better to go slow and sort stuff out than jump headlong into things and then not have it work out because you went too far too fast
