This is strange and I feel silly posting it. But I will anyway, because this has been on my mind and bugging me for quite a while. Did any of you mamas out there feel some strange and sudden shift in your life before you ever decided to have a baby? Whether for planned, or unplanned pregnancies... did something change in your mind, your partners mind, and your lives in general, that gave you a feeling of what was to come? Did people around you notice something? This might just be my bio clock ticking. But things have been strange lately. My partner of the last six years and I got married, for one. It was his idea, which was strange, because he had always been adamant in the past about not wanting to make things all legal. (I didn't really care one way or another). Things at home, in general, seem more stable for the last few months especially. We're still always nearly broke, but the bills get paid easier. It's easier to keep the place clean, stuff like that. But what's really strange to me, is after all these years of him being totally firm on NEVER wanting to have kids ("Don't like them, don't want them, can't stand their screeching, people with teeth like mine shouldn't breed, etc. etc.) his attitude has changed a lot lately. We get into long ranting parenting discussions. When there are babies around he coos at them, and when there are older kids around he talks to them and plays. We haven't really discussed these changes just yet... because we both know we're still on the same page in life I guess. Especially so soon after our wedding, we know that our lives are together. If that makes any sense. But the things that have seriously blown me away are more recent and more explicit. The other day at a friends house we were asked whether we planned on kids, and before I could open my mouth to give the usual answer ("Not in our plans, but who knows what the future will bring?") he beat me to it by saying "Well, the official story is that I'm still totally against having kids. But really I'm just worried we couldn't afford a baby. Kids are great and everything, but I'd want to provide a good life and not always have to worry about the unexpected". This is a VERY different answer from anything I'd ever heard from him before! He also went on to say that he used to hate the way they screech and scream and act up, but now he understands that kids are people, too, and some of them are assholes because they don't know or haven't been taught better, but he thinks we'd do a better job than that. And yesterday, this is weird, but he started insanely cleaning the floors of the house. Said something about how gross it can get, and "When our friends with young kids come over we want a floor they can play on". To top it all off, a friend of mine who's a very smart kind lady and tends to sense and know things about life, about people's bodies, she's sort of a "mystic" for lack of a better term... she keeps on making weird comments hinting at us having a child. Most of the time it's just passing comments but one day a couple months back we were walking in the woods together and she said "every time I see you I can't help thinking there will be a baby". In the last week, two people stopped me in public (strangers) and asked if I was pregnant. When I answered no, they assured me it wasn't 'cause I looked big or anything but because I was "glowing". Has anyone else experienced stuff like this? I'm really blown away by the way the entire world, including our friends, strangers, and my husband seems suddenly to expect us to have kids. After all this time saying we wouldn't, it's somehow become inevitable? I don't know how to react.
Are you sure you aren't pregnant? How sure? I've probably heard it a million times, even from my sister-in-law, "your husband/boyfriend will know you're pregnant before you do". I can't say from experience, I'm married, but don't have kids yet. But I've known a lot of girls/women whose boyfriends/husbands just knew they were pregnant before they had any clue. If you're not entirely sure, if there's some possibility that you could be, what he could be doing (by cleaning the floors, etc) is "nesting". Otherwise, it's hard to say. Maybe he's just been thinking about it more, and been more considerate towards other peoples' kids because he realizes that one day, he might want his own, and would expect the same courtesy from them, to keep their floors decent-clean, etc. if they want you to come over with your kids. I think there's also a certain "thing" that comes along with being married, as most people are taught, man and woman fall in love, get married, have kids, live happily ever after. Since you got married, it might naturally just feel like the next step, to him. Either way, it's always good to know you've got a good guy that will at least make an effort to keep the house a little safer for those times when other peoples' kids come over!
I never wanted kids. I had young sisters, so I knew what the realities of babies were, could see the truth of 3 am feedings. Knew it wasn't for me, knew I was too selfish and everything else. But then I met my husband and everything changed. It didn't change overnight, but suddenly I was getting married, when previously I had said I was never going to do that either. Then, a year after getting married I found out that I was pregnant, and I didn't panic or go off the deep end... turns out I was actually happy. What changed? I grew up... I wasn't a kid anymore. I met Matthew and suddenly knew that it would be okay if I fucked up occasionally or if I didn't have time to do the laundry. I knew my husband would have my back and cover any whole in the defense. I had more faith in myself as a woman, and I had faith in my partner as both a loving husband and as a doting father. So, it turned out to be a good thing, this whole "ideological shift" I went through. My son is wonderful, husband is fantastic and we just bought a house together. Hope your husbands "shift" is contagious (if you want it to be), just as painless as ours, and just as fruitful!
Thanks ladies! deathrowdisco, if I didn't know better I'd almost think I WAS, but since I just finished my period, I think we can be sure otherwise. I can definitely see what you're both saying, and icedtea, I especially get what you sa id about your "shift" taking time. For us, even after we were together, we "didn't want to get married" for YEARS. Then one morning we woke up and he sort of laid it out, and it just seemed right. We knew it was right, we had the love, the faith, and the trust in our future and at that point, what's the difference, really? But it's funny, because the day we got married Ian told me (as he'd sort of hinted before) that he'd had a vision of us getting married, right there in that spot, and it seemed so right and everything seemed so perfect that he knew it had to happen. Almost like it was out of his control - he just knew it should happen. ... That's the same sort of vibe I have right now. It just seems like I can see it happening, and it's almost out of my (our) control, but it seems right and perfect and I don't want to change it. Of course, another possibility that makes me laugh is hormones. I have PCOS, and my hormones have always been way out of wack. But since December I've lost a lot of weight and gotten a lot healthier, and things have straightened out a lot. I'm semi-regular for the first time in my life. It could be that I'm just emanating pheromones and THAT'S what's really affecting everyone around me! Oh well. I love life, and I'm happy, and so is Ian, and that's what's important. All of these little things stacking up together just got to me and I had to discuss it with some mamas who might know what I was feeling. Who knows - we could end up with a little person around here in a year or two. But I won't feel like a dink for having all these thoughts if in 5 years we don't have one.
Well, Maybe your glow could be left over from the wedding? I've never exp. this but its been in movies, and I've heard stories from my mom. My aunt has been with her partner for about 16 years now. Their still not married, no kids, but their happy. Maybe hes going through a phase. Or he caught baby fever lol. Trust me its easy to catch. I'm a nanny! I watch four girls, most of the time i'm with the youngest. Yeah.. All girls... All sisters... >.< Its not bad actually, I find something all of us can enjoy and work on it together. Kids enjoy that. Anyway, Bit off the subject but sometimes I go through phases that oh I really would love to have one, one day, but sometimes its like .. No. Never. Yeah, Maybe hes been around kids to much late. You really should have a talk with him.
I had an unexpected pregnancy, and i wasnt the kind of person you would see as a mama. And I didnt know if i wanted kids, but before i got pregnant, there WAS a shift, like I suddenly started looking at little babies more, and just started to want one, and i thought that was so wierd.
Let me just admit, that when you told me you were getting married, I *knew* a baby would soon follow. Didn't know when, but knew it would happen. Don't hit me. That being said, there was a sort of shift in the month before we conceived Moire. We went to a party together, and there was a teeny newborn, and I held that baby for so long, momma had to take him just because her boobs ached. And everyone was telling Brian to watch out, he was next. We'd have parenting debates. Just out of the blue discussions on "what if the kid was 16, and...." sort of things. And even as stressfule as it was, getting pregnant 3 months after meeting, both being unemployed, my being a new adult, telling uber-Christian/conservative parents....It just felt right. If it happens, I'm sure you can handle it. And you can bet I'll be trying to find a way to come and clean for you so you have one heck of a good babymoon.
As far as having PCOS... Honey, I have PCOS and there were other factors against our conceiving, and Moire STILL came. If a spirit wants to come to ya, it'll come hell or high water. Miracles, they are.
