All of my life, my sister and I have never gotten along. I've always been level-headed, honest, loving, etc. while she is the exact opposite. Now that we're adults, she has taken this to new heights with compulsive lying, hypochondria, basically anything to get attention from anyone. She doesn't seem to be able to live her own life and follow her own path - she is very much a follower and influenced by those around her, making her personality, style, everything change depending on who she is around. I have chosen not to keep her in my life (meaning I still talk to her occasionally when I have no other choice, but I certainly don't go out of my way), because I feel like she just exudes negative energy and I don't want that around me or my daughter and husband. I'm feeling pretty down about this though, because my mother is devestated. She grew up with all brothers and all that she ever wanted was a sister. She was so happy that I have a sister, but the fact that we don't get along just kills her. I don't like seeing my mother upset, but at the same time I don't want to pretend to get along with someone that I'd really rather not be around. Does anyone have any thoughts?
If you are at least polite at family functions then I think you are ok. You can't always like everyone in your life. Sometimes people just radiate negativity and I think you are better off with the limited contact if that is how you feel. Try doing a family dinner out with your mom and sister. A quick two hours and its over. Your mom will appreciate the effort and you know you only have to get through a limited time. You mom can help to provide conversation.
Yes, it does hurt, doesn't it? Is she your only sibling? Sounds like. My brother (only sibling) "morphed" somewhere along the path of life into an incredibly manipulative and mean spirited person. So much so that in my parents end days, they just could not trust him. I didn't even speak to him before he died 2.5 years ago. It had gotten that bad. It's a real shame, as we had always been close growing up and into our teens and early/mid adulthood. I, like you have always been the "good" kid. Doing it all by the rules. I had my rebel time in the late 60s through the 70s - but my parent always knew, even in those times, that I was honest and they could trust me. I'd hope years and experience will help your sister mature. It's not always the case, but you hope. And as the other poster said, just be your sweet self at the gatherings and do the best you can. It's for Mom, and you only have one Mom. The rest of the time, I see no reason to keep someone in your life that is poison to you. Family, or no. Don't feel guilty. It's called "self preservation".
Good for you to decide to keep negative chaotic people away from you and your family. If she was not your sister would you have anything to do with her? Most likely no. You have released her and are letting her plot her own destructive course. The insight is that I cannot control other people. Life is much easier when I do not try. I am not responsible for their actions.
